Thursday, October 1 2009 11:38pm Wishes. Blown from a seeded dandelion, blown from birthday candles kissed on a star. I've been thinking about wishes. How they are fleeting, random moment musings that are often forgotten in the wake of being blown out. I have made my fair share over the years. Were ...

August 9, 2009: Sunday, 1:26 am There’s a moment in heartache when the grief consumes a soul down to its cell membranes, what love creates and takes and crushes is like a crashing against the boulders by giant waves. The highs and lows of it destroy equilibrium in such a way that the world spins sid...

Saturday, January 1, 1983 3:46 am Morning. Glorious morning! A new year begins and I am so in love! At midnight, Russell Hammon got down on his knee and held a ring up to me and said, “Be mine in all ways.” Now, me being me, just stared at him. Stared at him and began to bawl. We always knew we woul...

Friday, November 10, 1989 10:13 pm I’m going to have a baby! There are so many emotions and feelings going through my heart and mind right now. A baby. A beautiful gift. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and sing to you. I can’t wait to feel your soft head under my chin. ...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 3:42 am So much, so little, so it happens again. The fight lost, the will to go on fails. Inside, the hurt crushes. Outside, the weight of the world falls. This time, I have no strength to crawl out from under the mounds. All around me, darkness. All around me, pain. I see...

Sunday, June 27, 2004 11:46 pm Somehow, I feel like I missed my chance. I missed the only time I could have had. I am sad. Sad that I missed something that was to be so special. A gathering of my Watch family that I had fully intended on being a part of. I talked to Tom and Eric this morning and my ...

Thursday October 30, 2003 11:02 pm So, he revealed himself, the one who has filled my dreams, the one of whom the Guides speak, the one whose pain floods over me. And then, in a place I would never have expected, he spoke, just the other day on Kevin’s Watch. Oh Father, You and Your glorious Way! Yo...

Thanksgiving Day, November 23, 1989 2:23AM Stephen, you sleep, your head in my lap, your beautiful face so serene. What to be thankful for this coming holiday? Everything. And yet, Stephen, looking at you my heart is heavy with grief at the thought of what awaits you. Yes, I know, we always knew tha...

Friday, February 11, 2005 3:22AM After some time of being immersed in the dream, I became aware that I was indeed dreaming. That the children I saw running free in the sun, with smiles on their beautiful faces, were only my deep regret of not succeeding in saving them. Vivid color, eyes beseeching, ...

Saturday, June 13 1998, 6:22pm The mountain road wound itself up and around the close pines. The trees tall, majestic, sentient, I could feel a presence among them as we made our way farther and farther up into their domain. The house became visible as we rounded the last curve and my breathing stop...

Christmas 2009 12:03am “For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord”. Sweet Jesus, I am at your feet, kneeling in gratitude for allowing me this last one, this last celebration. Through You, all things are possible. My life here, comes to a close. The last...

Thanksgiving Day, 2002 11:53pm Ah, the chaos is over. I smile at the stillness that now settles in the house. The bright white of the snow outside seems to shine in through the window. There’s an illumination, a glow, a warm light. Once again, I marvel how heaven meets earth. Worlds cross. Praying n...

Wednesday, October 30 2002, 3:11pm Winter arrives here on the Mountain, the snow falls gently, blanking out the ground, clinging to the trees...and the great hush settles. The house gets warmer. The fire crackles in the hearth. There’s the smell of cookies baking and pine. A brightness shines from t...

Thursday, April 29 1999, 11:59pm Here, at midnight, I watch as the day fades, making way for another. Here the clock ticks the seconds to the past, adds these to the many that came before. The big grandfather begins to chime them out, no wait, more like gong them out, shattering silence. For some re...

Saturday, July 14, 1990 6:19pm As dawn broke today, I gave birth to my beautiful baby daughter. Brooke Anne McKinney-Hammon whispered into the world at 5:38am, weighing 6lbs 3oz. So tiny, so perfect and so quiet. She let out a yelp then promptly fell asleep. She sleeps now on my chest, listening to ...

Thursday, February 17 2005 10:12pm I came close to quitting today. It would be so easy, wouldn’t it? To just throw up my arms and say, “that’s it, I’ve had it, I’m done, stick a fork in me.” Yes, so very easy to lay down and let it all just have its way, let them have their way. Right. Like that is ...

Saturday, October 2, 2004 11:09 pm Ah love… We express it, we deny it, we forsake it, we long for it, we live for it, we die for it. Such is the way of love. Such is the way of pain, the way of joy, the way of loss, the way of reaching highs, and the way of sinking down to the lowest lows. Ah love… ...

Friday, August 15, 2003 11:23pm What gifts our Lord bestows!! The miracle of life once again grows inside me, and a miracle it truly is. We were told after Chelsea that I would probably not be able to bear anymore children. We accepted without question, we were already blessed beyond all blessings w...

September 29, 2001: Saturday 10:12pm Stephen! Ah my heart cries. My heart, so full of love for you my precious, beautiful brother, oh how it cries. You came to me, to us, and the immeasurable, tangible, indescribable joy we felt in your coming is now only as intense as the grief at losing you. The s...

May 22, 2003 Thursday 11:46pm Somehow the darkness of this night is deeper than usual. Heavy clouds hang over the Mountain but they do not release their burdens. They just hover around the tree tops blocking out the stars and the moon. I sit at the slider that looks out at the upper deck, no sleep c...