Lord Foul versus Smith and Wesson

[aTOMiC]

Covenant knelt before Lord Foul as he struggled with a weakness of body that he would never have believed possible. His arms and legs quivered involuntarily. Sweat bled down the sides of his face as if the warm fluids of his soul were being squeezed out like water from an overused sponge. The cool, hard metal of his salvation he gripped with all of his remaining strength. He held it behind his back, squeezing its smooth contours as if he were grappling with the last finger holds of the fatal plummet of his doom.
“Only now, at the end, do you finally comprehend.” Lord Foul grinned slightly as he slowly moved forward but never more than a few steps from the pulsing, green stone behind him. “I can read it in your face, Groveler. No need to voice your terror, your hatred. I am the way and the door to your deliverance. You have but to pray to me. Complete your debasement. I shall reward you with a health and vitality that no mortal being has ever known. You will experience a life of pleasure and delight that you can scarcely comprehend. All you need do is give yourself over to your destiny. It is but a simple thing, a task of exceeding ease for one such as you. Give me what I wish and all that your heart desires most will be yours.” Foul fell silent regarding his guest with arms crossed before his chest and a satisfied expression on his face.
Covenant’s head dropped for a moment. The very idea that he might be rid of his pain and the gnawing disease that had haunted him for so very long made him question his purpose, but only for a short moment. In an instant a feeling of surprising clarity washed over Thomas Covenant and in that moment he seized the reins of his destiny. In spite of his utter weariness he moved. His left arm swung down from behind his back. Covenant brought his weapon up before him and pointed its barrel squarely at Lord Foul’s chest. There was no hesitation. No fear. No regret. The barrel of the .357 magnum exploded with bright yellow flame each time Covenant squeezed the trigger until the steaming gun finally fell silent. Lord Foul’s cavernous throne room still echoed with gunfire as Covenant groggily wrenched himself to his feet. Lord Foul lay upon the ground near the Illearth Stone, clutching his chest with both hands. His regal, white robes were drenched in a pulsing, crimson shower. As Covenant shambled closer he could see the look of utter disbelief etched upon his captor’s face. Lord Foul tried to utter a final insult but his throat was filled with blood. He only managed a stifled grunt as he began to cough an unending spray of red agony into the air. Thomas Covenant could not stand it a moment longer. He held out his gun and released the ammunition clip. The empty cartridge fell to the stone in a clatter of ringing metal. Reaching into the back pocket of his tattered jeans, Covenant drew out his reserve clip and thrust it into place. Three steps brought him close enough to stand above the foundering lord’s head. Foul coughed blood upon Covenant’s boots. Covenant lowered his gun so that the barrel drew to within inches of Lord Foul’s twitching forehead and fired.
“That oughta do it.” Covenant mumbled to himself as he lumbered toward the open doorway.

End

[sgt.null]

>standing ovation<

[aTOMiC]

You are much too kind. This little blurb of a fan fic was born from a conversation with dANdeLION.
Its all his fault!.

[sgt.null]

then congrats to dandelion as well.

[aTOMiC]

I had completely forgotten I had written this 12 long years ago.

I don't know where to begin to describe what is wrong here.

Now I think I understand why SRD doesn't generally like fan fiction.

[Sorus]

But did he use white gold bullets?

[aTOMiC]

But did he use white gold bullets?

Heh...


Thomas Covenant strode down the long driveway from his home and found Jimmy the delivery boy casually leaning against the mailbox waiting with a wide smile on his young face.
"Morning, Mr. Covenant." Jimmy greeted Covenant with an energetic enthusiasm that was infectious.
"Good Morning, Jimmy." Covenant muttered.
"I'm real sorry about the razor blade the other day. I had no idea they had put that in there. Are you okay?"
Covenant winced slightly at the thought but continued to the mailbox and pulled several letters from its open mouth. "No problem, Jimmy. I'm fine."
Jimmy's smile widened. "Did...did you go back again like you said you would?"
Covenant continued to inspect the stack of letters which were all addressed to his pen name Stephen R. Donaldson. After a moment Covenant glanced over at Jimmy and smiled slightly. "Yes, Jimmy. I did."
"Oh wow!" Jimmy exclaimed, his face beaming with excitement. "Did you use the white gold bullets that you ordered? You said they would help you take care of that jackass I read about in your first two books. I wanna hear every detail!"
Covenant slipped the stack of letters under his arm and turned to walk back to his house. He paused a moment and muttered over his shoulder. "You'll have to wait and read about it in my next book. I'm calling it The Power that Preserves."
Jimmy sounded disappointed at first but then brightened up. "Well, I guess I can wait. You are one hell of a writer Mr. Covenant but I bet its more fun to actually go there. I wish I could come with you sometime."
Covenant resumed marching up the driveway leaving Jimmy standing in the street. He muttered a response that Jimmy could not have heard. "No you don't, Jimmy. No you don't."

[wayfriend]

I think that Covenant would have named the book The Power That Gibs.

[aTOMiC]

I think that Covenant would have named the book The Power That Gibs.

Heh. Probably more accurate but I didn't want to complicate the joke.

Frankly I thought you'd be more curious about how Covenant could have written Lord Foul's Bane and The Illearth War for Jimmy to have read them given the idea that Covenant had apparently just returned from the Land after the events of the third book. I suppose its possible just highly unlikely. Nobody says writing something stupid must also be accurate.

[Ur Dead]

**added***

Covenant said.. "while you were of raving the land, Mother showed me a new trick.
** then**

His left arm swung down from behind his back.

With apologies to "Wizards"

[aTOMiC]

**added***

Covenant said.. "while you were of raving the land, Mother showed me a new trick.
** then**

His left arm swung down from behind his back.

With apologies to "Wizards"

Heh. Would definitely have added a touch of extra style.

[wayfriend]

Frankly I thought you'd be more curious about how Covenant could have written Lord Foul's Bane and The Illearth War for Jimmy to have read them given the idea that Covenant had apparently just returned from the Land after the events of the third book.

I couldn't think of anything funny to say about that. If you can't say something funny, don't say anything at all, my dad used to say. I have missed him since that angry mob tore him to pieces. But I never forgot what he said.

[edit]Just thought of it: The Pow that Preserves. Dammit!

[aTOMiC]

[edit]Just thought of it: The Pow that Preserves. Dammit!

[Ur Dead]

Like the US TV show..

The Big Bang Theory.
or
Creator knows Best.
or
SWMNBN or How I met your mother.