Ryzel,
I think I understand your point. And I think it's astonishing how often these relationships that you would call evil occur. Why would someone marry a person who did not return love? I can't imagine, yet we see marriages like this all the time. Many
turn into such a relationship over time, but some actually start that way.
Zahir,
Good point about leaders. If we want to live together in societies, as almost all humans do (and must, if we want to meet a mate and continue the species), there MUST be rules that limit individual freedoms to some degree. Anarchy is simply not a workable society. I guess evil leaders are those who are not subject to those rules themselves. They take my freedoms, but retain their own. This, unfortunately, happens in every society. There are always people who want to control others, and some of them find their way to positions of power no matter what type of government is supposed to be in place, where they take advantage of things.
Romeo,
If you have something to say, say it. Don't be so quiet.
Great letter! Parenting is, of course, the most difficult topic when discussing control. I was talking to the father of a friend, and he was going on and on about his daughter making long-distance calls from her job. "That's stealing from your employer." True enough. But sheesh, she's 32 yo. You've taught her the best you were able. Now let it go, for crying out loud. You think you can still teach her right from wrong and tell her how to behave?
My kids are too young for me to discuss your methods of making sure his schoolwork gets done. My son is in 1st grade, and for now, I watch him do his homework every night. He simply wouldn't do it otherwise, because he has virtually no attention span. But doing this over the next several years, he'll learn how to get it done without dawdling, and how to do it right. At some point, I'll tell him, "You're on your own. You know how to do it. If you need help of any kind, just ask and you'll get it. If your grades turn bad, I'll ask the teachers why. If I find that you're not doing your homework, then we'll adopt Romeo's system. But I have no reason to distrust you now, so I won't go through all that now."
I'm entirely with you on drugs. If they want to risk ruining their lives when they're out of my house, that's their choice. I can't make that decision for them forever. But I sure as hell will for now.
I wonder about my children's sex lives. I plan to tell them the pros. Some of which I suppose they will understand even without hearing it from me. But still, I want them to have good, healthy sex lives, so I'll tell them the glories of it.
But I'm gonna impress the bad pretty seriously. I've taped many episodes of
Life Goes On, because it wasn't just a one-episode "Oh, diseases are bad. Sex is risky." show. Episode after episode after episode showed one aspect after another of how incredibly much he suffered physically and emotionally. And I'll figure out a way to make them experience what it's like to have an infant too. They're going to know that
I'm not raising their children, and I want them to know how much work it would be for
them to do it while going to school, and probably having a weekend job too.
I know that I can't stop teens from having sex. It's among the strongest drives that human beings have, and preaching abstinence doesn't seem to be working in a very high percentage. (My brother is the result of teen pregnancy. When he was a teen, his girlfriend had an abortion. He is now almost done with school to be a minister, and his 17 yo daughter had a baby. Is it just my family, or is this pretty common?) So I have to try to make them very cautious, and take it very seriously during the teen years. But I also want to avoid seeming permissive - and certainly not encouraging - while, at the same time, letting them know that they're human beings who will often behave like human beings, and I won't hate them or be ashamed of them for having sex - even if a pregnancy results. But I'll always end with, "A pregnancy that YOU will take the responsibility for!"