ABC's of things you would like to say at work

[aTOMiC]

I hope you all don't actually drive to work using those tiny brains.

[onewyteduck]

Janie, SHOULD I be mad at you?

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Kill all auditors! Crush them like my dreams!

[aTOMiC]

Louder! Our clients sitting in the lobby can't hear you complain about them. Shall I call them in here so you can tell them they suck to their faces? I thought not.

[DukkhaWaynhim]

My mistake....I was under the initial impression that you gave a crap about your job and how it affects your coworkers.

[aTOMiC]

Nobody in this office wants to do this job, what makes you think I want to do it? Hmmmm?

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Of course I hate you all, I'm just more polite about it than the rest of you.

[aTOMiC]

Please stop leaning on my desk when you are talking to someone else. This isn't a lobby its my work station. Dag Nabbit!

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Quit sucking up all the air in this meeting with your annoying habit of talking to hear your own voice and your complete mastery of buzzword bingo that allows you communicate your paradigm shift to us all without actually telling us a single ^$&%*#^$ useful detail about anything you are allegedly paid to do.

[aTOMiC]

Repeat after me....I do solemly swear to shut the heck up when someone else is in the middle of a sentence, especially when that someone is trying to communicate valid and useful information to a client whos continued business pays for your expensive teeth whitening.

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Survey says that *you* are the reason why we are losing business despite lowering our prices. Perhaps it's your habit of being verbally combative with our best customers, trying to tell them what they want? Or maybe it's your smooth phone presence, that gives the impression that you have a cigarette hanging out of your mouth and a last-round drink in your hand? No, really its just that despite your title as Sales Director you have the charm and charisma of an anal fissure.

[aTOMiC]

Survey says that *you* are the reason why we are losing business despite lowering our prices. Perhaps it's your habit of being verbally combative with our best customers, trying to tell them what they want? Or maybe it's your smooth phone presence, that gives the impression that you have a cigarette hanging out of your mouth and a last-round drink in your hand? No, really its just that despite your title as Sales Director you have the charm and charisma of an anal fissure.

Bwahahahahahahahahhahah!



The only reason I keep coming to this toilet is the fact that inspite of the fact that everyone around me seems to be a chimpanzee dressed in business attire, the nit wits that run this place actually pay me to stand here and bitch for hours. As long as my bank keeps cashing the checks I'll keep showing up but I don't have to like it or any of you. Bite me.

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Under no circumstances are you to ever speak of or refer to the 20+ year old and painfully lame 'Larry, Darrell, & Darrell' Bob Newhart gag again. It is not a cosmic coincidence that I occasionally work with someone named Larry and another person named Darryl. It is not worth mentioning, nor can it be mined for humor any further, because it didn't even start out funny. And where do you get off referencing a joke from a show that you're too young to have ever seen?

[aTOMiC]

Very nice. Very clever. You all think you are so dad blamed funny. Well let me tell you something that you may not have realized. Filling the owner's convertable with wet cement while he was sitting in the driver's seat was probably the last practical joke any of you will spring and might I add that we're all probably out of a job since it seems the cement was quick drying and our fearless leader didnt appear to escape before hand. Yes. very nice indeed.

[DukkhaWaynhim]

Wait until my mail-order rocket launcher comes in. You just wait...

[aTOMiC]

X! X! X! Why do you guys keep re mapping the X key on my freaking keyboard? Yeah. Keep laughing dude. Wait till I superglue your face to the supervisor's butt. Oh thats right. Nobody would notice.

[High Lord Tolkien]

YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!!!

[Revan]

(Misses Z)

A constant reminder of how crap life is, when I look in your face.

[aTOMiC]

Before I quit I'd just like to remind everyone what a wonderful place this used to be to work before a certain someone came along and ruined everything by insisting that everyone is an idiot unless they do things the way he does and 15 years of hard, dedicated work from certain employees was a total waste of time and utterly worthless.

[dANdeLION]

Tom here is taking this game seriously.....and I know exactly who he's talking about.

Call it an office all you want, but let's see what you'll be calling your office whan I take your freaking walls down!