Homemade short stories

Post by **Vain** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 10:39 am

Orgiastically so

Post by **Seareach** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 10:57 am

Vain wrote:Orgiastically so

Well...I looked that up on dictionary.com just to check what you actually meant....

Post by **Vain** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:08 am

Seareach wrote:
Vain wrote:Orgiastically so

Well...I looked that up on dictionary.com just to check what you actually meant....

I trust you got the right one

Post by **Seareach** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:12 am

There was only two definitions...either way, I booked a ticket for both Elfy and me!!!!!

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:36 pm

Inventive Love

Cameraman Jenn finished packing. Ever since Gil Galad, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Cameraman Jenn had been liberal.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing caressed her, all was naughty. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going at the base of the waterfall to become a sneaky fuzzy wash mitt.

Just then, there was a perky knock at the door. Cameraman Jenn opened it and stood there purringly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her torso.

When Cameraman Jenn came to, Gil Galad was holding her head and looking generous. "My love," Gil Galad said emphatically, "I'm sorry for the sinuous shock. I've been shipwrecked on a slick island for the last ten years, living like the scent of new mown grass brings back memories of youth. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my buttock in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Cameraman Jenn could hardly believe her Gil Galad had returned. "I will always love you, buttock or no buttock. Besides, you can cover it up with a lubricant."

They embraced enthusiastically and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was lurid.

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:38 pm

To Sensually Caress

Cameraman Jenn and Gil Galad were celebrating a naughty Valentine's Day together. Cameraman Jenn had cooked a perky dinner and they ate at the base of the waterfall by candlelight.

"My darling," Gil Galad said, stroking Cameraman Jenn's buttock, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Cameraman Jenn. "It is but an inventive token of my liberal love."

Cameraman Jenn opened the box. Inside was a generous massage oil! She gazed at it languidly. Then she gazed at Gil Galad languidly. "It's sneaky," Cameraman Jenn said. "Come here and let me caress you."

Just then, a lurid crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the scent of new mown grass brings back memories of youth. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sinuous voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Gil Galad read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other enthusiastically as the crone cackled some more. Cameraman Jenn's head began to tremble. Then Gil Galad shrugged, pulled out a fuzzy wash mitt, and hit the crone on her torso. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Cameraman Jenn said and kissed Gil Galad purringly. "This is a slick Valentine's Day!"

They emphatically burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they caressed each other all night long.

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:42 pm

A Naughty Day To Caress

Cameraman Jenn stepped purringly out into the sinuous sunshine, and admired Gil Galad's buttock. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a slick sight."

Gil Galad climbed off the fuzzy wash mitt and walked languidly across the grass to greet his lover. Cameraman Jenn patted Gil Galad on the torso and then tried to caress him emphatically, but without success.

"That's all right," Gil Galad said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not liberal," Cameraman Jenn. "Not as liberal as the time we caressed at the base of the waterfall."

Gil Galad nodded enthusiastically. "We were sneaky back in those days."

"Our heads were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Cameraman Jenn said. "Everything seems inventive and lurid when you're young."

"Of course," Gil Galad said. "But now we're perky, we can still have fun. If we go about it sensually."

"Sensually?" Cameraman Jenn said . "But how?"

"With this," Gil Galad said and held out a generous massage oil. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to caress."

Cameraman Jenn swallowed the massage oil at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to caress sensually. They caressed like the scent of new mown grass brings back memories of youth. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

Post by **Elfgirl** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 12:06 am

Jenn, you still haven't told me where to get the Shakespeare versions

Post by **Vain** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 12:31 am

Vacuous Love

Beelzebub finished packing. Ever since Sea Witch, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Beelzebub had been unbecoming.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing licked him, all was womanly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going under the bed to become a worthless tyrant.

Just then, there was a painstaking knock at the door. Beelzebub opened it and stood there cruelly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his chest.

When Beelzebub came to, Sea Witch was holding his neck and looking rambunctious. "My love," Sea Witch said reluctantly, "I'm sorry for the voracious shock. I've been shipwrecked on a sordid island for the last ten years, living waves clashed brilliantly with the water. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my ass in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Beelzebub could hardly believe his Sea Witch had returned. "I will always love you, ass or no ass. Besides, you can cover it up with a fever."

They embraced obediently and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was statuesque.

I think I should stay away from these

To Loudly Lick

Beelzebub and Sea Witch were celebrating a painstaking Valentine's Day together. Beelzebub had cooked an unbecoming dinner and they ate under the bed by candlelight.

"My darling," Sea Witch said, stroking Beelzebub's ass, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Beelzebub. "It is but a vacuous token of my worthless love."

Beelzebub opened the box. Inside was a sordid runt! He gazed at it reluctantly. Then he gazed at Sea Witch reluctantly. "It's rambunctious," Beelzebub said. "Come here and let me lick you."

Just then, a statuesque crone sprang out of hiding and cackled waves clashed brilliantly with the water. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a voracious voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Sea Witch read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other cruelly as the crone cackled some more. Beelzebub's neck began to tremble. Then Sea Witch shrugged, pulled out a fever, and hit the crone on her chest. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Beelzebub said and kissed Sea Witch obediently. "This is a womanly Valentine's Day!"

They vivaciously burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they licked each other all night long.

Post by **Elfgirl** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 12:42 am

Seareach wrote:There was only two definitions...either way, I booked a ticket for both Elfy and me!!!!!

Post by **Vain** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 1:08 am

Friggen Aussies

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 5:58 pm

Elfie, I just kept hitting the refresh button and it randomly gave me that shakespearean one.

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:26 pm

To Yearningly Poke

Seareach and Vain were celebrating a fannyable Valentine's Day together. Seareach had cooked a fannylicious dinner and they ate in the castle by candlelight.

"My darling," Vain said, stroking Seareach's fanny, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Seareach. "It is but a fanny-like token of my fannyite love."

Seareach opened the box. Inside was a fannyorable fanny! She gazed at it cheekily. Then she gazed at Vain cheekily. "It's fannyunderful," Seareach said. "Come here and let me poke you."

Just then, a fannytastic crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a warm tight fanny brings joy to Vain. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a fannytabulous voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Vain read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other huskily as the crone cackled some more. Seareach's fanny began to tremble. Then Vain shrugged, pulled out a fanny, and hit the crone on her fanny. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Seareach said and kissed Vain throatily. "This is a fannyfilled Valentine's Day!"

They fannily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they poked each other all night long.

Post by **danlo** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:40 pm

And then they poked each other all night long.

Ouch! That's gotta hurt!

Post by **CovenantJr** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:01 pm

I think it's time to compose a story about the greatest forbidden love the Watch has ever known...

The Rank Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Runes and Jay went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Runes hit Jay in his stamp of authority with a big dribbly iceball. It hurt a lot, but Runes kissed it boneheadedly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really clammy snow man!" Runes said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Jay said. "That would be more magnetic and politically correct."

"I know," Runes said. "We can make a snow long-awaited SRD novel. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up caperingly and made an illogical snow long-awaited SRD novel. Runes put on a 'Ban Alynna' bumper sticker for the hair. The long-awaited SRD novel was almost as big as Jay.

"It looks lumpy," Runes said unfinishing-of-books-ly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Jay said and held up a mechanical heh. "I found this in the depths of Runes' dark and alarming pages." He put the heh onto the long-awaited SRD novel's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the long-awaited SRD novel, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a sequel of slightly questionable quality that features Linden too much.

Jay screamed ham-fistedly and ran but the snow long-awaited SRD novel chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow long-awaited SRD novel banned him lamely.

"Nobody does that to my little Unfashionable Ban Stick," Runes screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow long-awaited SRD novel through the banning finger. It fell down and Runes kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Jay said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The heh lay in the yard until a congealed child picked it up and took it home.

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:12 pm

Good one CovJr!!!

Post by **CovenantJr** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:21 pm

It really happened!

Post by **Elfgirl** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 12:11 am

danlo wrote:
And then they poked each other all night long.
Ouch! That's gotta hurt!

You ain't doin' it right, man...

Post by **Seareach** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:44 am

I'm so slow...I've only just realised there's MORE stories about me and that bloomin' Vain person....

Vain:

but...well....yeah baby!!!

As for you Jenn: you write one more story that talks about my fanny and I'll be on the next plane over to San Fran to wash out your mouth with soap (or I'll cut off your right and left index fingers as well as your left pinky...if you touch type, they're the keys you'd be using to type the word FANNY!!!!!

)

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 4:58 pm

Oh Sea-silly! Now you have given my day new purpose!!!!

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

Homemade short stories