Things EL is no longer allowed to do at work.

[Menolly]

82. Hanson is not a Disease.

Are you sure about that?

Hanson is considered a Disease everywhere BUT Ingles supermarkets.

*blushing*

...or in Menolly's collection of bubble gum classics...

You have so many relationships in this life,
But only one or two will last.
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast.

Oh yeah. They're gone so fast.

Oh, so hold on to the ones who really care,
In the end they'll be the only ones there.
When you get old and start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care? Oh care.

Chorus:

MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do

Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.

Plant a seed, plant a flower,
Plant a rose, you can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows.
It's a secret no one knows.
It's a secret no one knows.
Oh, no one knows.

[emotional leper]

86. Not allowed to write large signs warning not to put items to be destroyed back on my backstock, even if people are too stupid to notice the notes I leave on said items.

87. Not allowed to want to tap that ass.

88. I am not Little Jack Horner, and I may not stick my thumb in anything.

89. The new hire may not be refered to as "Newbie."

90. I am not Doctor Cox, despite my god-like ability to bring people to tears with my Coxian wit.

91. May not refer to coworkers with random girls' names.

[Cameraman Jenn]

You have been bitten!

[emotional leper]

You have been bitten!

[Juggernaut voice]Don't you know who I am? I'm Linden Avery, biach!

Aw, Moshka Raver, what you doin' man? Get out of my head! Get out of my head![/Juggernaut voice]

[emotional leper]

92. May use the ambivalance of the English Language to cause a coworker to freak out because she thinks she's going to contract Lupus from me, even though I don't have it, and it's not contagious.

93. May not impregnate coworkers, even if only in their dreams.

[emotional leper]

94. May no longer play my guitar outside the store at 2AM.

95. Even if I'm on break.

96. May not play ANYONE'S guitar.

97. May not have my guitar in my car when on company property.

98. May not play any musical instrument outside while on break, including, but not limited to: Harmonica, Flute, Pennywhistle, Banjo, Sitar, Autoharp, Keyboard.

99. May not leave a sympathy card on the desk of the store manager, a University of Tennesse Graduate, after UT suffers a devastating loss to UF, even if reads, "During this difficult time, our thoughts are with you. BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR!"

100. May not initiate Jihad again. Management has learned its lesson.

101. May not 'bleed all over everything that's still saleable.'

102. May not tell people to goto Hell.

103. May not play upon peoples' superstitions/religious fears.

104. May not 'light the place on fire just to watch it burn because Disco Inferno is playing.'

105. May not make molotov cocktails on company time. See above.

106. May not suggest that we replace our inane and nonsensical inventory method with something more modern that involves keeping track of stock, what is in backstock, and what has been ordered, so as to insure that we always have exactly what we need on the shelves, do not run out of things, and do not over-order things, and be able to use projects of sales based upon actual sales to dictate ordering of products. It'd be too sensical and rational and sane for management to understand.

107. May not immanitise the eschaton.

108. May not use large words that my coworkers cannot recognise. See above.

[Menolly]

...he's baaa-aack...



...g-ds...this is too funny...