The Science of Santa: The Jolly Old Elf is a SPEED FREAK

Post by **A Gunslinger** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:17 pm

news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071203/od_afp/swedenchristmaskyrgyzstansantaoffbeat_071203163428

Somehow I knew that someone would commission the study that woukld serve to explain the magic of santa.

Post by **aliantha** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:43 pm

Dear god. And here I thought it was only in the US that scientists had more grant money than they knew what to do with.

Another report circulating on the Internet suggested however that Santa's sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Fer cryin' out loud! Magic heat shields, guys! Magic heat shields!

Post by **sgt.null** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:18 pm

Santa is a tweaker?

Post by **Cagliostro** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 6:21 pm

Jeez, folks...he's magic. It doesn't have to make sense.

The real Santa only goes to certain houses each year. The rest - the parents have to provide the gifts to hide the fact that they are not "Santa's Chosen."

Post by **sgt.null** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 7:21 pm

so it is more of a cult?

Post by **Cagliostro** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:05 pm

Hmmm.....the Santa Cult. Could be...

Post by **A Gunslinger** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:10 pm

Santa really is quite a disturbing entity. Think of it...here is an obese man that dresses in fur, red fleece, and patent leather, who invites kids to sit on his lap, has a well-documented stocking fetish, who breaks into people's homes. This is to say nothing of the (perhaps ) forced servitute of a race of people that just happen to stand "waist high".

I am sickened.

Post by **sgt.null** » Tue Dec 04, 2007 9:25 pm

A Gunslinger wrote:Santa really is quite a disturbing entity. Think of it...here is an obese man that dresses in fur, red fleece, and patent leather, who invites kids to sit on his lap, has a well-documented stocking fetish, who breaks into people's homes. This is to say nothing of the (perhaps ) forced servitute of a race of people that just happen to stand "waist high".

I am sickened.

i like this...
there should be a movie based on that premise.

Post by **Cameraman Jenn** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:03 am

I'm working on the screenplay right now Sarge!

Post by **kevinswatch** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 2:00 am

Sounds like it's based on an old physics joke:

www.main.com/~anns/other/humor/physicsofsanta.html

An oldie, but a goodie.-jay

Post by **A Gunslinger** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:44 am

Cameraman Jenn wrote:I'm working on the screenplay right now Sarge!

The theme song? "Santa Claus is coming ....

Spoiler

in your mou**

"

I am SOOOOO very Sorry.... I sometimes lack control!!

Post by **emotional leper** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:18 am

Or, like the Paranoids sing it,

"I better not pout,
I better not cry.
I better not shout,
I'm tellin' you why.
Santa Claus is coming
to kill me..."

Post by **sgt.null** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:30 am

"you know Christmas comes once a year?
my ex had the same complaint..."

if not Dangerfield, should have been.

Post by **balon!** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:03 pm

Another report circulating on the Internet suggested however that Santa's sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

That would be THIS one.

Santa is Dead[/url]

Post by **aTOMiC** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:18 pm

I have at times toyed with the idea of developing a "Satana Claws" Comic book. If I haven't done it by now it's just not going to get done.

Besides Futurama has already handled the homicidal Santa angle.

Post by **sgt.null** » Wed Dec 05, 2007 6:39 pm

Multiple Santa

The Tick Loves Santa!
www.thetick.ws/car23.html

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

The Science of Santa: The Jolly Old Elf is a SPEED FREAK

The Science of Santa: The Jolly Old Elf is a SPEED FREAK