Covenant walks into a bar....
Moderators: kevinswatch, Orlion
- Seeker of Truth
- Ramen
- Posts: 80
- Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:37 pm
- Location: Harrogate - North England
- Zenlunatic
- <i>Haruchai</i>
- Posts: 586
- Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:52 am
- Location: Santa Fe
- SGuilfoyle1966
- Giantfriend
- Posts: 279
- Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:28 am
- Location: Fort Mill SC
- shadowbinding shoe
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1477
- Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 6:33 am
- jacob Raver, sinTempter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1744
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:54 pm
- Location: Wisconsin, US
Covenant walks into a bar...
Covenant walks into a bar...
...And then the stars swarmed above, and the only thing that the bartender was sure he could see was a single red welt, clear and deadly, transfixing Covenant's forehead like a spear.
...And then the stars swarmed above, and the only thing that the bartender was sure he could see was a single red welt, clear and deadly, transfixing Covenant's forehead like a spear.
Sunshine Music
Deep Music
"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
Deep Music
"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
- DirectorDios
- <i>Elohim</i>
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 3:01 am
- Location: Florida, USA
Marriage in the Land
Ya know why there are so few marriages in The Land?
Because weddings rings are rare due to the diamonddraught!
oohhh, I just kill myself!
Because weddings rings are rare due to the diamonddraught!
oohhh, I just kill myself!
It’s a moral imperative.
- Vraith
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 10621
- Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm
- Location: everywhere, all the time
Re: Marriage in the Land
[quote="DirectorDios"] weddings rings are rare due to the diamonddraught!
Sweet pun.
TC walks into a bar. Bartender yells "Hey, we don't serve lepers here!"
TC says "That's ok, I don't eat lepers."
TC and a Ranyhyn walk into a bar. At a table, 3 collies and a chihuahua are playing poker. As the night goes on, the chihuahua gets madder and madder, losing every hand, complaining, accusing the collies of cheating.
The collies just laughed, and drank, and insulted the chihuahua. Finally, the Ranyhyn could stand it no longer. He walked over to the table and said "Could you please be quiet? We're trying to have a conversation over here." The dogs looked up, stunned. The chihuahua said, "Holy s#$^, a talking horse!"
Sweet pun.
TC walks into a bar. Bartender yells "Hey, we don't serve lepers here!"
TC says "That's ok, I don't eat lepers."
TC and a Ranyhyn walk into a bar. At a table, 3 collies and a chihuahua are playing poker. As the night goes on, the chihuahua gets madder and madder, losing every hand, complaining, accusing the collies of cheating.
The collies just laughed, and drank, and insulted the chihuahua. Finally, the Ranyhyn could stand it no longer. He walked over to the table and said "Could you please be quiet? We're trying to have a conversation over here." The dogs looked up, stunned. The chihuahua said, "Holy s#$^, a talking horse!"
[spoiler]Sig-man, Libtard, Stupid piece of shit. change your text color to brown. Mr. Reliable, bullshit-slinging liarFucker-user.[/spoiler]
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
the difference between evidence and sources: whether they come from the horse's mouth or a horse's ass.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
the hyperbole is a beauty...for we are then allowed to say a little more than the truth...and language is more efficient when it goes beyond reality than when it stops short of it.
- jacob Raver, sinTempter
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1744
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:54 pm
- Location: Wisconsin, US
Honestly, the jokes in this thread are as good as it gets!!!
Sunshine Music
Deep Music
"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
Deep Music
"I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge." - Tony Block, Planet Terror
- Brother Charn
- Giantfriend
- Posts: 420
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 6:54 pm
- Location: Scragnoth!
Q: How does a gang of thirsty ur-viles get into a crowded bar?
A: They wedge themselves in.
Q: How can you tell when a Raver is in the bar?
A: When your girlfriend suddenly gets possessive.
BC aka DW aka D
A: They wedge themselves in.
Q: How can you tell when a Raver is in the bar?
A: When your girlfriend suddenly gets possessive.
BC aka DW aka D
BCakaDWakaD!
- Brother Charn
***************************************
"Shadows beware! The Light of Day shall find you, no matter where you lurk." - Archbeacon Davos
- Brother Charn
***************************************
"Shadows beware! The Light of Day shall find you, no matter where you lurk." - Archbeacon Davos
- The Eighth Ward
- Servant of the Land
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:53 am
If you think these are funny (and they are)...
Some good humor here. Well done.
For those that may not be aware and are looking for more TCTC humor, you really should visit the Naughty TCTC Limerick Thread
kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... t=limerick
or perhaps a soap opera is more to your liking...
kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... ight=burns
Either way make sure you have a fresh change of underpants
BTW...beware if you haven't read the Last Chrons...lots of chars from that set in the soap.
For those that may not be aware and are looking for more TCTC humor, you really should visit the Naughty TCTC Limerick Thread
kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... t=limerick
or perhaps a soap opera is more to your liking...
kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... ight=burns
Either way make sure you have a fresh change of underpants
BTW...beware if you haven't read the Last Chrons...lots of chars from that set in the soap.
I used to be The Seventh Ward - Those who knew me had no need of my name.
- iQuestor
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 2520
- Joined: Thu May 11, 2006 12:20 am
- Location: South of Disorder
Overheard as a frantic 12 year old SRD runs through the school yard, a pack of raving bullies hot on his heels:
"Pussiant! I said you were Pussiant!!
"Pussiant! I said you were Pussiant!!
Becoming Elijah has been released from Calderwood Books!
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
- iQuestor
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 2520
- Joined: Thu May 11, 2006 12:20 am
- Location: South of Disorder
Bannor leads the Unbeliever through the passages of Revelstone, and stops and bends at the waist to retrieve an item on the stone floor.
Covenant gasps at the sight, his unbelief pale and forgotten at this affront to his new land-keen senses.
"HellFire and Damnation!" He screamed hoarsely, his hands sprang too late to cover his face; the image was indelibly branded into his mind.
"I don't care if you haven't slept for two thousand years! Bend over in front of me in that -- that tunic -- again and I'll bring this bloody rock down around your ears!"
Bannor's visage showed a fleeting trace of embarassment, and then his usual stolid gaze returned. Covenant, his face covered, whimpered weakly and the remembered horror of the scene.
"Forgive me, Ur Lord. My tunic -- it was taken from the wash-house in haste. Perhaps it belongs to another bloodguard, one lesser of girth and stature than I. Clearly, it --- it does not suffice."
Covenant gasps at the sight, his unbelief pale and forgotten at this affront to his new land-keen senses.
"HellFire and Damnation!" He screamed hoarsely, his hands sprang too late to cover his face; the image was indelibly branded into his mind.
"I don't care if you haven't slept for two thousand years! Bend over in front of me in that -- that tunic -- again and I'll bring this bloody rock down around your ears!"
Bannor's visage showed a fleeting trace of embarassment, and then his usual stolid gaze returned. Covenant, his face covered, whimpered weakly and the remembered horror of the scene.
"Forgive me, Ur Lord. My tunic -- it was taken from the wash-house in haste. Perhaps it belongs to another bloodguard, one lesser of girth and stature than I. Clearly, it --- it does not suffice."
Becoming Elijah has been released from Calderwood Books!
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
Korik's Fate
It cannot now be set aside, nor passed on...
TC walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
TC asseverates, "A flacon of your uttermost efficacious tipple. Furthermore, I beseech from you a taintless pilsener from which to quaff."
The bartender says, "Is Donaldson writing your lines again?"
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
TC asseverates, "A flacon of your uttermost efficacious tipple. Furthermore, I beseech from you a taintless pilsener from which to quaff."
The bartender says, "Is Donaldson writing your lines again?"
Covenant turned in time to see a short figure detach itself from the burning mud, step queasily onto the hard ground.
The figure was scarcely taller than the skest, and shaped like them, a misborn child without eyes or any other features. But it was made of mud. Flames flickered over it as it climbed from the fire, then died away, leaving a dull brown creature like a sculpture poorly wrought in clay. Reddish pockets embedded in its form glowed dully.
The figure was scarcely taller than the skest, and shaped like them, a misborn child without eyes or any other features. But it was made of mud. Flames flickered over it as it climbed from the fire, then died away, leaving a dull brown creature like a sculpture poorly wrought in clay. Reddish pockets embedded in its form glowed dully.
- Coldbeer Pintswallower
- Servant of the Land
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue May 26, 2009 4:16 pm
- Location: Central Scotland
Covenant staggers into a Stonedownor bar. He is bedraggled and starving.
Covenant: Hellfire!! Can't any of you useless idiots help me out?!!
Barman: Certainly sir, which way did you come in ?
3000 years later, Covenant and Linden walk into the same bar. As usual, they are arguing furiously.
Covenant: Large JD on the rocks!! And whatever she wants!
Barman: I'm sorry sir, we don't sell white gold rings here.
[/quote]
- Demondime-a-dozen-spawn
- Giantfriend
- Posts: 447
- Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:03 am
- Location: Minnesota/Wisconsin DMZ
- Contact:
- Rocksister
- Giantfriend
- Posts: 496
- Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:21 pm
- Location: South Carolina
Thomas Covenant is lost, so he calls his pal Esmer for directions. Esmer gives him complex instructions to reach his destination, and days later, under a blistering sun, Covenant stumbles underneath a gigantic tree in full bloom. As he struggles to look up, he sees Esmer, next to an equally gigantic hive abuzz with life, and a stopwatch. Furious, Covenant screams, "Hellfire! You gave me directions to you? What good does that do me?!" "You are here for what I can offer you, Thomas Covenant," replies Esmer. "Offer me!?! OFFER ME??!! I'm outta here, keep your damn shade and bee-trials!"
"In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king." -Tom Waits
-
- Servant of the Land
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 3:22 am