The Velociraptor Apocalypse: Are You Prepared?

[Reisheiruhime]

Velociraptor attack is the 3rd leading cause of death for men age 27-29. However, everyone must think about the implications of velociraptors: young and old, men, women and transgendered persons.

The American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention is a bi-partisan group of professionals, dedicated to the diffusion of knowledge concerning velociraptor attack prevention.

Know the Enemy

The velociraptor is a bipedal carnivore with a long, stiffened tail and can be distinguished from other dromaeosaurids by its long and low skull, with an upturned snout. It bores a relatively large, sickle-shaped claw, typical of dromaeosaurid and troodontid dinosaurs. This enlarged claw, up to 67 millimeters (2.6 in) long around its outer edge, is a predatory device, used to tear into the prey, delivering a fatal blow.

Velociraptors are commonly found on tropical islands, converted to millionarie amusement parks, but are commonly being sighted in the Pacific Northwest. Of the essential facts you should know about velociraptors:

Velociraptors hunt in packs, and are known to form an equilateral triangle around its prey.

Velociraptors can accelerate 4 m/s2, with a top speed of 25 m/s on open terrain, 10 m/s while wounded, and 10 m/s in indoor labratories.

Velociraptors can open doors, but are slowed by them. They can open an initial door in approximately 5 minutes, and will take half that time for each subsequent door.

Velociraptors do not know fear.

New Home Buyer Tips

When buying a new home, there are a few things to look out for when assessing potential velociraptor attacks:

Check all doors and windows. Doors should be made of solid oak or steel. Windows should have steel bars with spacing smaller than the average raptor.

Make sure all entryways have adequate deadbolts. Quality deadbolts may be purchased at your local Home Depot.

Always keep a loaded big-game rifle under your bed, and tire irons near every door. Remember, you should never be farther than 20 feet away from a tire iron.

More info at:
antoniofarinha.com/blog/2009/04/18/velociraptor-awareness/
www.velociraptors.info
www.pbnation.com/showthread.php?t=3107959
peoplewearclothes.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/velociraptor-awareness/

Constant vigilance, kids. Constant.

[High Lord Tolkien]

Since I'm already prepared for the soon to be Zombie Apocalypse I think all I have to do is add a more powerful round to my inventory.

Zombies, Velociraptors, Global Warming........none of it matters.
SHARKS are going to kill us all anyway.


kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... ght=sharks

[Reisheiruhime]

kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic ... ght=sharks

ORM NORM NORM!!!

Imagine if you will, that mutha, only as a ZOMBIE, and able to FLY...

[I'm Murrin]

[Reisheiruhime]

HOLY CRAP IT CAN FLY WITH ITS BACON WINGS AND LULL US INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY WITH THE BACON SMELL!!!

(Bless you, Murrin, for knowing xkcd... )

[matrixman]

Velociraptors are commonly found on tropical islands, converted to millionarie amusement parks, but are commonly being sighted in the Pacific Northwest.

The Pacific Northwest? Whew, then I'm safe for now.

[JazFusion]

It's cool. Dr. McNinja has us covered.

[sgt.null]

what about Zombie Velociraptor's?

[Vraith]

Since I own, and know how to use rifle, shotgun, sword, spear, and MOST importantly can run 1m/s faster than my tenants and neighbors, I feel safe.

[Savor Dam]

Looking at his Phoogle Map location reveals another reason Vraith has little cause for concern.

[StevieG]

Looking at his Phoogle Map location reveals another reason Vraith has little cause for concern.

Yes Vraith you should be safe enough down there! (I've always wondered where "Everywhere, all the time" was... )

[sgt.null]

i a heading to my prison - food, water, guns, brick buildings surround by two sets of razor wire.

[Elfgirl]

I'm Australian, therefore all I need to do is the Crocodile Dundee Buffalo Mind Trick, and put any attacking velociraptor to sleep using just my thumb and pinky....

[sgt.null]

i need to start storing up on ammo...

[Marv]

20 minutes ago the VAA, or Velociraptor Apocalypse Army, announced a "complete cessation of military operations". The statement has been greeted by widespread celebrations across the globe. However, senior officials at the UN remain skeptical pointing out that there has been no explicit promise that the truce will be a permanent one.

More to follow...