Homemade short stories

[danlo]

The Miracle Of The Horse

Jay hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it as happy as a bug in a rug. He loathed it.

Every December, Jay would feel himself getting all spam inside. He refused to put up a Christmas salsa, he snapped at anyone falling enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Jay had to go to the mall to buy a skinny ban-stick. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing throaty around and so much Christmas music blaring avid, he thought his tounge would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a pussiant woman collecting for charity. Jay never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the pussiant woman dropped his bells and ran off a building. There was a glowing horse right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the pussiant woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Jay rushed out and jittery pushed them both out of the way. There was a horrible bang and then everything went dark.

When Jay woke up, he was in a shimmering room. There was a Christmas salsa in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Jay's butt hurt. A lot.

The pussiant woman came into the room. "I'm so throbbing!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Aylanna. You saved me from the truck. But your butt is broken."

Jay hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas salsa up and his butt was broken, he felt quite beautiful, especially when he looked at Aylanna.

"Your butt must hurt helpless," Aylanna said. "I think this will help." And she smacked Jay several times.

Now Jay felt very beautiful indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Aylanna. "I love you," he said, and kissed Aylanna bearded.

"I love you too," said Aylanna. Just then, the horse ran into the room and nuzzled Jay's foot. "I brought him home with us," Aylanna said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Jay said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

[Gil galad]

On December 13, Jay had to go to the mall to buy a skinny ban-stick

LOL

[Cameraman Jenn]

The Miracle Of The Warthog

Lucimay hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like when Cameraman Jenn goes too far in a thread and spreads mayhem on the watch.. She loathed it.

Every December, Lucimay would feel herself getting all flirty inside. She refused to put up a Christmas toy, she snapped at anyone tawdry enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Lucimay had to go to the mall to buy a moist massage oil. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing snakily around and so much Christmas music blaring huskily, she thought her toe would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a naughty man collecting for charity. Lucimay never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the naughty man dropped his bells and ran in the secret moderator forum. There was a lusty warthog right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the naughty man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Lucimay rushed out and suggestively pushed them both out of the way. There was a tingly bang and then everything went dark.

When Lucimay woke up, she was in an erotic room. There was a Christmas toy in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Lucimay's lip hurt. A lot.

The naughty man came into the room. "I'm so kinky!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Damelon. You saved me from the truck. But your lip is broken."

Lucimay hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas toy up and her lip was broken, she felt quite indecent, especially when she looked at Damelon.

"Your lip must hurt suggestively," Damelon said. "I think this will help." And he tickled Lucimay several times.

Now Lucimay felt very indecent indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Damelon. "I love you," she said, and kissed Damelon caressingly.

"I love you too," said Damelon. Just then, the warthog ran into the room and nuzzled Lucimay's hiney. "I brought him home with us," Damelon said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Lucimay said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

Just then, the warthog ran into the room and nuzzled Lucimay's hiney.

I squirted tears when I read that....

[Cameraman Jenn]

I refeshed my last entry to see what else it would come up with and I got this:

The Warthog Prince

Lucimay was walking through an erotic meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a tingly little warthog lying under a tree.

Lucimay skipped over to see the dear thing and was kinky to find that he was hurt! A massage oil had pierced his tawdry little toe and he whimpered snakily with the pain.

"My moist little friend," Lucimay said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the massage oil, as suggestively as she could. The warthog cried out and Lucimay's heart ached, like when Cameraman Jenn goes too far in a thread and spreads mayhem on the watch.. "You'll be all right," Lucimay whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Damelon and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Damelon up in her arms, Lucimay carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Lucimay nursed Damelon, cleaning his toe and feeding him Toy-brand warthog chow.

On the eighth night, Damelon climbed into bed with Lucimay. He burrowed under the covers and caressingly tickled Lucimay's lip. It made Lucimay giggle and she cuddled close to Damelon, stroking his hiney and singing suggestively to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Lucimay hurried home so she could curl up with Damelon. It gave her an indecent feeling whenever Damelon tickled her lip.

Then one night, Damelon looked up at Lucimay and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a lusty prince."

Lucimay screamed huskily, she was so surprised. How could a warthog talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Damelon said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Lucimay said and kissed Damelon on his hiney. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a lusty prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Damelon," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Lucimay said.

"See?" Damelon said and showed Lucimay the scar from the massage oil on his toe. Then he kissed Lucimay and they tumbled in the secret moderator forum and did a lot of very naughty things, some of them involving a flirty spanking paddle.

"I love you," Damelon said when they were done. Lucimay clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Damelon had stashed away.

And if Damelon didn't know about Lucimay's visits to the warthog sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Lucimay and Damelon
by William Shakespeare

Enter Lucimay

Damelon appears above at a window

Lucimay:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the spanking paddle, and Damelon is the warthog.
Arise, lusty warthog, and tickle the tingly toy.
See, how he leans his hiney upon his toe!
O, that I were a glove upon that toe,
That I might touch that hiney!

Damelon:
O Lucimay, Lucimay! wherefore art thou Lucimay?
What's in a name? That which we call a lip
By any other name would smell as flirty
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like when Cameraman Jenn goes too far in a thread and spreads mayhem on the watch."
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove erotic.

Lucimay:
Swain, by yonder tingly toy I swear
That tips in the secret moderator forum the moist massage oil--

Damelon:
O, swear not by the toy, the kinky toy,
That suggestively changes in its naughty orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise naughty.
Sweet, tawdry night! A thousand times tawdry night!
Parting is such indecent sorrow,
That I shall say tawdry night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Lucimay:
Sleep dwell upon thy hiney, peace in thy toe!
Would I were sleep and peace, so snakily to rest!
huskily will I to my lusty lip's cell,
Its help to tickle, and my flirty lip to tell.



I seriously can't get enough of this site....damn you Cov Jr....

[Seareach]

For some reason, I found this really funny:

Lucimay hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like when Cameraman Jenn goes too far in a thread and spreads mayhem on the watch.. She loathed it.

Maybe I'm just trying to pick a fight...hehehehehehe!

[Cameraman Jenn]

The Battle For The Seashell

At Mallory's, Vain played his seashell. He had been busy with the seashell for hours and now wanted nothing more than a chewy cuddle or a silly massage from his lover Seareach.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his smoking Seareach appeared at the door, grinning cheekily.

"Put down the seashell," Seareach said jokingly. "Unless you want me to play that seashell on your elbow."

Vain put down the seashell. He was joyful. He had never seen Seareach so sandy before and it made him sunny.

Seareach picked up the seashell, then withdrew a sand castle from her fanny. "Don't be so joyful," Seareach said with a sandy grimace. "A manatee bit my cheek dimple this morning, and everything became pert. Now with this seashell and this sand castle I can jokingly rule the world!"

Vain clutched his saucy cheek dimple cheerfully. This was his lover, his smoking Seareach, now staring at him with a sandy fanny.

"Fight it!" Vain shouted. "The manatee just wants the seashell for his own smoking devices! He doesn't love you, not the chewy way I do!"

Vain could see Seareach trembling cheerfully. Vain reached out his elbow and touched Seareach's fanny jokingly. He was smoking, so smoking, but he knew only his saucy love for Seareach would break the manatee's spell.

Sure enough, Seareach dropped the seashell with a thunk. "Oh, Vain," she squealed. "I'm so chewy, can you ever forgive me?"

But Vain had already moved at Mallory's. Like a kind gesture that touches even the coldest heart, he pressed his elbow into Seareach's fanny. And as they fell together in a pert fit of love, the seashell lay on the floor, sunny and forgotten.

SEA! I didn't know you could pull sandcastles out of your fanny! That's talent!!!!!

[Damelon]

The Thunderous Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Cameraman Jenn-Galad strode along the path, making for Gray Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Green Mouse, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Leg.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her massive bottle just in time to face the granular man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck quickly, and Cameraman Jenn-Galad barely raised her bottle to meet the attack. They fought long and stiffly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Cameraman Jenn-Galad found herself forced to one knee, the man's bottle pressed to her tepid ear. "I am Phantasm of Gray Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Green Mouse. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in a plane."

But Cameraman Jenn-Galad had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her bottle with a twist, overpowered Phantasm and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Cameraman Jenn-Galad said, looking down upon him.

Phantasm's fingernail shimmered like a ray of sun on a cloudy day. "I have underestimated you, Cameraman Jenn-Galad. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Cameraman Jenn-Galad's desire was enflamed. Her ear throbbed and all her thoughts were to blast Phantasm like a moose. Cameraman Jenn-Galad caressed Phantasm's inchoate fingernail and he responded. They came together handsomely, and their joining was as godlike as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet pyramid!" Cameraman Jenn-Galad groaned and blasted Phantasm as swiftly as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Cameraman Jenn-Galad said. "That's where I put the Green Mouse for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed slowly on the grass, forgetful of all but their golden love. "We will stay together forever," Phantasm said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Leg never got the Green Mouse and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

[Seareach]

OH MY GOODNESS! ...don't give away all my secrets!!

...I think I might have asked for that! Very good Jenn!!!! ...although as moderator of this forum I might have to delete it....

[Cameraman Jenn]

I did say it was TALENT!!!!

[Cameraman Jenn]

A Banana Cream Pie In Time

On a sarcastic and treasured morning, Seareach sat on the watch. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her knee ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect High Lord Tolkien to love someone with a cheeky hand?

Jokingly, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a cheesy adorable THOOLAH, all on a summer's day. I wish my High Lord Tolkien would argue me, in his own nonsensical way..."

"Do you?" High Lord Tolkien sat down beside Seareach and put his hand on Seareach's booty. "I think that could be arranged."

Seareach gasped viciously. "But what about my cheeky hand?"

"I like it," High Lord Tolkien said persistently. "I think it's flimsy."

They came together and their kiss was like earth and sky need rain therapy.

"I love you," Seareach said tauntingly.

"I love you too," High Lord Tolkien replied and argued her.

They bought a kresh, moved in together, and lived haughtily ever after.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Even Better:

The Adventure Of The Kresh

Seareach and High Lord Tolkien were out for a flimsy Valentine's walk on the watch. As they went, High Lord Tolkien rested his hand on Seareach's knee. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so treasured, Seareach was filled with cheeky dread.

"Do you suppose it's adorable here?" she asked haughtily.

"You ridiculous silly," High Lord Tolkien said, tickling Seareach with his Linden Lover's Clubhouse. "It's completely sarcastic."

Just then, a cheesy kresh leapt out from behind a banana cream pie and argued High Lord Tolkien in the booty. "Aaargh!" High Lord Tolkien screamed.

Things looked nonsensical. But Seareach, although she was paltry, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a THOOLAH and, like earth and sky need rain therapy, beat the kresh viciously until it ran off. "That will teach you to argue innocent people."

Then she clasped High Lord Tolkien close. High Lord Tolkien was bleeding persistently. "My darling," Seareach said, and pressed her lips to High Lord Tolkien's hand.

"I love you," High Lord Tolkien said tauntingly, and expired in Seareach's arms.

Seareach never loved again.

[CovenantJr]

"I love you," Seareach said tauntingly.

"I love you," High Lord Tolkien said tauntingly, and expired in Seareach's arms.

He just had to go one better.

[Menolly]

:::wiping brow:::

I think I'm safe.

:::well, as long as you use me and Sebell or Robinton:::

and don't forget the fire lizards

[Seareach]

"I love you," Seareach said tauntingly.

"I love you," High Lord Tolkien said tauntingly, and expired in Seareach's arms.

He just had to go one better.

LOL!


And very funny Jenn!

[I'm Murrin]

Seareach picked up the seashell, then withdrew a sand castle from her fanny.

This was his lover, his smoking Seareach, now staring at him with a sandy fanny.

Erm. Those are so much dirtier in British English. Heh.

[CovenantJr]

Seareach picked up the seashell, then withdrew a sand castle from her fanny.

This was his lover, his smoking Seareach, now staring at him with a sandy fanny.

Erm. Those are so much dirtier in British English. Heh.

[Seareach]

Seareach picked up the seashell, then withdrew a sand castle from her fanny.

This was his lover, his smoking Seareach, now staring at him with a sandy fanny.

Erm. Those are so much dirtier in British English. Heh.

Well, being from a British colony... That's why I was

What does "fanny" actually translate to to someone in the US anyway???

[Damelon]

Erm. Those are so much dirtier in British English. Heh.

Well, being from a British colony... That's why I was

What does "fanny" actually translate to to someone in the US anyway???

Fanny means rear end in American English.

[Elfgirl]

BUM, Seareach...or arse if you wanna really Aussi-fy it...

high-sterical guys!!