An interview with aTOMiC by Dan Pigeon

[sgt.null]

i have my suspicions...

[aTOMiC]

Oh cool! Pictures!

I think those shots have really captured the, um, raw energy of the interview.

Why thank you. There were more pix but I was too bored to post them.

[sgt.null]

An interview is a conversation between two or more people (the interviewer and the interviewee) where questions are asked by the interviewer to obtain information from the interviewee. Interviews can be divided into two basic types, interviews of assessment and interviews for information.

was everything above present in the "interview?"

[aTOMiC]

An interview is a conversation between two or more people (the interviewer and the interviewee) where questions are asked by the interviewer to obtain information from the interviewee. Interviews can be divided into two basic types, interviews of assessment and interviews for information.

was everything above present in the "interview?"

In a manner of speaking. Kind of like Darth Vader killing Anakin Skywalker but yeah.

[sgt.null]

www.listaholic.com/12-of-the-most-horri ... story.html
were any of these devices present during the "interview."

[aTOMiC]

[aTOMiC]

An interview is a conversation between two or more people (the interviewer and the interviewee) where questions are asked by the interviewer to obtain information from the interviewee. Interviews can be divided into two basic types, interviews of assessment and interviews for information.

was everything above present in the "interview?"

Wait a second! If you are suggesting that I'm alone in the room who the flock is taking the pictures?

[dANdeLION]

Wait a second! If you are suggesting that I'm alone in the room who the flock is taking the pictures?

It's not impossible to take pictures of yourself, you know. Plus, your wife or daughter could have conspired to assist you in this. Hell, even Pigeon could have taken those pics, if the camera was easy enough to use. The idiot even tried to interview me, but he was unable to do so effectively, due to the fact that I'm not a writer. Maybe I'll post the interview later.

[MsMary]

i have my suspicions...

You know, I just got why you posted this pic.

Yeah, I'm a little slow.

[dANdeLION]

Here's some of the interview:

DP: First of all: Do you need to use the bathroom?

DS: No; why do you ask?

DP: Your co-writer Tom has the bladder of an incontinent tadpole with mommy issues.

DS: He drinks like a fish, he does. Kind of like you, which is pretty much the reason nobody buys your books.

DP: Ouch, that hurts. Okay, lets get on with this. What inspired you to work with Tom?

DS: Money. I was making more working at Kash 'n Karry, but I was only part time, so when Tom told me Morris Land Surveying was hiring, I took the offer.

DP: I was referring to the book you two wrote, idiot.

DS: Well, perhaps you should have mentioned that in your question. Your arrogant assumptions that everybody knows what you're talking about hinder the success of your books, you know. So it's not surprise it's hindering this interview.

DP: I've always hated you....



DS: Is that supposed to be a question? No wonder your books suck.

DP: Okay, fine. Touche. Now, let's talk about the book you and Tom wrote, called "Flower Of Doom".

DS: You must be misinformed. I'm not a writer. You're not, either, though I see that hasn't stopped you from needlessly killing trees.

DP: Your name is on the cover, and Tom specifically mentioned you in his interview....

DS: The book must have a misprint, and Tom may be suffering from hallucinations, dyslexia, post-traumatic stress syndrome, or any other number of maladies that could cause him to imagine I helped him write that atrocity. Or, it could be the drinking thing I mentioned earlier.

DP: Atrocity? Then you do admit you read it. My copy says you wrote the dedication, and the dedication you wrote seems to indicate you did do work on this book.

DS: Yeah, I read it. I also got a divorce, lost the lottery every time I played it, saw Starship Troopers, saw Santa Claus II, owned an AMC Concorde, and wore corduroy jeans in high school. Are there any other painful memories you'd like to reawaken?

DP: Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. Did you or did you not write "The Story"?



DS: Well, first off, I do not consider myself a writer. I do admit I wrote the Story, but it doesn't make me a writer. My inspiration, if it can be said I was indeed inspired, was a simple thought, which was "why do writers choose the heroes they create?". I think something subliminal added itself when I sat down to write the Story, making the end result more of "what would MY reasons be if I were to create a hero?", which would be, apparently, money, fame and women. Ironically, I was married when I wrote the Story, and now I am divorced and paying child support, leading me to conclude that I actually lost the things I intended to get. I shudder to think of the straits I'd be in had I actually written a story like the one I alluded to in the Story. So, in short, yes, I did and did not write "The Story".

DP: Are you planning any kind of sequel to "The Story"?

DS: Yes. No. Planning isn't the same thing as doing, and so far, I've done nothing. The concept of doing a sequel has crossed my mind, but I have yet to sit down and write it. Personally, I'm not sure there even needs to be a sequel. I mean, how much do I have left to lose? My car? My job? I'm not sure I can afford to do another story. Then again, I never wrote a story in the first place, so that also factors in the difficulty of writing a sequel.

DP: How do you go about writing? What software do you use? How much time to you dedicate to writing on any given day?

DS: I have a much regimented writing routine. I never do it. If I have an idea, I might write it down on a sheet of notebook paper, but I never have ideas, so it's irrelevant. I'm currently considering un-regimenting my writing routine so as to allow actual writing, but so far, have had no success convincing my sub-conscious mind that writing is in fact not the root of all my personal problems.

DP: Interesting. You are clearly insane, perhaps even schizophrenic. Everything makes sense now. Now, about that dedication...



DS: Insane? Maybe, but I'll take that over plain old stupid any day of the week. Too bad you didn't make the same choice. As for the dedication, yes, I wrote that, but that doesn't make me a writer any more than sitting in a garage makes me an automobile.

DP: So, if you wrote the dedication, and the dedication says you wrote part of the book, why don't you just admit you wrote part of the book?

DS: The book is a work of fiction, so I made the dedication a work of fiction for consistency's sake.

DP: Thanks very much for this complete waste of time. You're still the belligerent jerk I remember from boarding school.



DS: Anytime, loser. I may be a jerk, but you're still the dumbest writer in the known universe. By the way, get a freaking website so people can buy your crap and see how God-awful you really are!

[aTOMiC]

Yep. That sounds about right. I haven't spoken to Mr. Pigeon since the interview process but I'm pretty sure we've pissed him off enough to keep him away from the both of us for a very long time. I think I was somewhat less insulting than Dan was but that's his style. Mr. Pigeon was certainly just as idiotic as I remember though.



Stop looking at me that way!!!!

[MsMary]

[___]

I wonder what it must feel like getting the call, and finding out someone wants to interview you. It must be exhilirating. Then, finding out it's Pigeon. The ultimate let-down. No wonder aTOMiC has a drinking problem.

[aTOMiC]

I'm glad dAN didn't mention what KIND of drinking problem. There are many possibilities.


By the way the woman sitting next to Ted Stryker looks an awful lot like a certain egomaniac writer/interviewer I know.

[aTOMiC2]

No it doesn't.

[sgt.null]

Imaginary friends, also known as “imaginary companions”, are pretend characters often created by children. Imaginary friends often function as tutelaries (or perform a tutelary function) when they are engaged by the child in play activity[citation needed]. Imaginary friends may exist for the child into adolescence and sometimes adulthood. Imaginary friends often have elaborate personalities and behaviors. Although they may seem very real to their creators, studies have shown that children understand that their imaginary friends are not real.

[___]

Don't look now, but null's post is missing it's citation.

[aTOMiC]

Imaginary friends, also known as “imaginary companions”, are pretend characters often created by children. Imaginary friends often function as tutelaries (or perform a tutelary function) when they are engaged by the child in play activity[citation needed]. Imaginary friends may exist for the child into adolescence and sometimes adulthood. Imaginary friends often have elaborate personalities and behaviors. Although they may seem very real to their creators, studies have shown that children understand that their imaginary friends are not real.

Only part of this quote applies in context.

Guess which part!

[___]

Children understand that their imaginary friends are not real, but aTOMiC does not.

[sgt.null]

fixit - remember this guy?