The uptick in children born out of wedlock

[Ki]

Women may be deciding to raise their kids without Daddies - but that doesn't mean that it's the best situation for the child. And if it's not the best situation for the child, who does the decision to raise a child without a Father serve? Not the Father. Not the Child...

doesn't that depend on the situation? no father would be better than an abusive one, and of course, same goes for mom too.

[Holsety]

KiGirl told me once about a theory that babies tend to look more like their father when they are very young. In evolutionary terms, this helps the baby because the father will identify with it easier (and not suspect another father), while the mother obviously knows it's her own offspring and has the bond built up over nine months of pregnancy. So evolution has favored methods to give children the greatest possible survival, which comes from both mothers and fathers taking care of it.

Considering that it might help the mom avoid a paternity suit nowadays, it sounds like this could on occasion be an advantage for babies today.

[sgt.null]

doesn't that depend on the situation? no father would be better than an abusive one, and of course, same goes for mom too.

i tend to believe that without adequate male role models we have seen a rise in abusive parenting. this gets have no history of being properly disciplined so they don't really know how to control their children without resorting to extremes. boundries have to be established with children. they need to know expectation and consequence - and i don't really see that much anymore.

[Ki]

i tend to believe that without adequate male role models we have seen a rise in abusive parenting. this gets have no history of being properly disciplined so they don't really know how to control their children without resorting to extremes. boundries have to be established with children. they need to know expectation and consequence - and i don't really see that much anymore.

oh, i agree. there is a difference between discipline and abuse. there are some extreme situations in which the child would be better off in a single parent environment and one of these extreme situations would be abuse/domestic violence.

[Cail]

I think that's an extreme case.

But the fact remains that one of the key messages of the American divorce industry is that fathers are disposable.

[Ki]

yes, that's why i said 'extreme.'

i don't think dads are disposable. but there are feminists who do. but sometimes dads just give up their kids. i know some moms do too though

[Cail]

True, sometimes dads do give up their kids. They're morons. There are plenty of other fathers who are systematically forced out of their children's lives by bitter ex-spouses and their complicit lawyers, advocacy groups (NOW, YWCA), and judges worries about re-election.

[Lord Mhoram]

There are also way more single moms than single dads:

Total single fathers maintaining their own household: 1.786 million

...


Total single mothers maintaining their own household: 7.571 million

Link

[Cail]

Sure there are, for a couple of reasons. Primarily it's biological. The man books, the woman is stuck with the kid.

But how many of those 7.5 million single mothers have a baby-daddy that would love to be (or is) a big part of the child's life?

[Ki]

True, sometimes dads do give up their kids. They're morons. There are plenty of other fathers who are systematically forced out of their children's lives by bitter ex-spouses and their complicit lawyers, advocacy groups (NOW, YWCA), and judges worries about re-election.

i've seen this happen to good dads and it is heartbreaking for the kids and the dads. if the dad is a good man and a good dad, then i don't understand why a mom would want to keep the kid away. if anything just for the kid's sake. but some women and men use the kids to hurt the other parent and i don't condone that whatsoever.

[Mortice Root]

KiGirl said

if the dad is a good man and a good dad, then i don't understand why a mom would want to keep the kid away. if anything just for the kid's sake. but some women and men use the kids to hurt the other parent and i don't condone that whatsoever.

Yeah, just speaking from what I've obsereved with divorces, they tend to bring out the "selfish-toddler" attitude that's latent in a lot of adults. I've seen many examples of one parent attempting to use children to harm or spite the other. With no thought at all to what that does to the kid. That ticks me off.


(BTW - I'm not making any reference to any watchers who may have been through a divorce. Just speaking of those I've seen.)

[Plissken]

Women may be deciding to raise their kids without Daddies - but that doesn't mean that it's the best situation for the child. And if it's not the best situation for the child, who does the decision to raise a child without a Father serve? Not the Father. Not the Child...

doesn't that depend on the situation? no father would be better than an abusive one, and of course, same goes for mom too.

We're talking about large enough numbers that specific situations can be stipulated to as existing, and then let the conversation move away from them.

Yes, various men (and women) should not be involved in their offspring's lives.

Yes, various children would be better of with either (or both) of their parents absent.

In general, however, we have to look at the attitudes that create the largely Daddy-less situation most single parent households find themselves in.

[sgt.null]

it needs to be said. but women need to make better choices. dating that guy who already ignores his children? bad. having kids with him? even worse. there is plenty of birth control options out there folks.

[Ki]

it needs to be said. but women need to make better choices. dating that guy who already ignores his children? bad. having kids with him? even worse. there is plenty of birth control options out there folks.

excellent point! yes, i know women who do this over and over again. and yes, BC....the health dept gives them away for free. so there isn't much of an excuse for getting pregnant accidentally. but i do realize that sometimes BC fails. but it doesn't fail that often.

[High Lord Tolkien]

There was a huge (and needed!) push from society to remove any guilt from the child when their parents got divorced.
Mine did when I was 10 almost 30 years ago and I can remember a little shame about it.
Removing the divorce "taint" from children was 100% a fantastic thing.
Unfortunately I think parents piggy backed onto that "not your fault" message that was sent to the children.
To the point now where there's no shame at all for having multiple kids out of wedlock.

[sgt.null]

condoms, birth control, norplant, diaphragm... did i miss any?
when i see what women put up from men i really wonder just what the hell is wrong with them. you meet your man - he is cheating on his spouse with you. and you are surprised he cheats on you? you date a man who can't keep a job, has a drug problem, shows himself to be violent and abusive. he is a criminal. WAKE UP.

[emotional leper]

condoms, birth control, norplant, diaphragm... did i miss any?
when i see what women put up from men i really wonder just what the hell is wrong with them. you meet your man - he is cheating on his spouse with you. and you are surprised he cheats on you? you date a man who can't keep a job, has a drug problem, shows himself to be violent and abusive. he is a criminal. WAKE UP.

It's part of the general mindset of society these days.

One of stupidity and lack of insight or logic.

[sgt.null]

el: it seems that women ask for equality and the right to perpetuate the same stupid mistakes. every saturday i get to see women come to the prison (sometimes with kids) to continue the support of criminals. they remain trapped in the cycle of stupidity. what kind of male role model are they providing for their kids?

[emotional leper]

el: it seems that women ask for equality and the right to perpetuate the same stupid mistakes. every saturday i get to see women come to the prison (sometimes with kids) to continue the support of criminals. they remain trapped in the cycle of stupidity. what kind of male role model are they providing for their kids?

Most humans you meet are not humans.

They are animals.

And animals are stupid.

Our culture panders to women.

Feminists want to have their cake and eat it to.

[sgt.null]

feminists.
freedom of choice - but only for women.
merit regardless of gender - but the blast ted kennedy for not picking hilary. based on the fact that she is a woman.

equality does not mean only choosing to empower women. how can we be equal if they aren't even asking for that?