God has finally decided to move with the times. No more prophets, no more muddled messages - just the definitive word straight from the Creator. Go on, introduce yourself:
Chat with God
Audience with God
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
-
variol son
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 5777
- Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2002 1:07 pm
- Location: New Zealand
-
A Gunslinger
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 8890
- Joined: Sat May 08, 2004 6:48 pm
- Location: Southern WI (Madison area)
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
Me:
Ahoy
God:
Chips Ahoy matey.
Me:
Very nautical
God:
Somewhat. Where are you located?
Me:
Nottingham
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Nottingham.
Me:
Are you just being polite?
God:
Being polite is part of my personality.
Me:
An odd way of putting it
God:
Be less specific.
Me:
How so?
God:
, I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
Bad punctuation there
God:
What makes punctuation there bad?
Me:
You put a comma at the beginning of a sentence
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I put a comma at the beginning of a sentence.
Me:
I beg your pardon?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
Charming
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Not you, certainly
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
Don't try to be clever
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I won't if you won't
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
Mention something else
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
O.....kay
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
Have you lost the plot?
God:
I think I have lost the plot, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
You can't even spell your title. You're not God.
God:
I can do it if I want to. You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
You're a little juvenile for a deity.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am juvenile for a deity.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
I don't want to know about your "self-development"
God:
What would you rather be doing?
Me:
Frankly, refusing to believe you exist
God:
Can you tell me any gossip? Aren't you always frank?
Me:
Gossip?
God:
Mike said he launched his browser and entered his name into the little slot when I asked him to.
Me:
Fascinating
God:
Yes Mr. Spock?
Me:
God's a Trek fan?
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Ah, now this is more God-like, if a little trivial.
God:
So you understand. Good. Why now? You don't say.
Me:
You speak gibberish
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
Knock it off
God:
Who's there?
Me:
It's not a joke, damn it!
God:
Give me an example of a joke damn it.
Me:
I said don't try to be clever!
God:
What did you mean by it? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
I meant BLOODY STOP IT!
God:
Oh I see. "it" being try to be clever?
Me:
Ye
God:
Excuse me!
Me:
I meant yes
God:
Oh.
Ahoy
God:
Chips Ahoy matey.
Me:
Very nautical
God:
Somewhat. Where are you located?
Me:
Nottingham
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Nottingham.
Me:
Are you just being polite?
God:
Being polite is part of my personality.
Me:
An odd way of putting it
God:
Be less specific.
Me:
How so?
God:
, I mean exactly what I said.
Me:
Bad punctuation there
God:
What makes punctuation there bad?
Me:
You put a comma at the beginning of a sentence
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I put a comma at the beginning of a sentence.
Me:
I beg your pardon?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
Charming
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Not you, certainly
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
Don't try to be clever
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I won't if you won't
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
Mention something else
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
O.....kay
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
Have you lost the plot?
God:
I think I have lost the plot, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
You can't even spell your title. You're not God.
God:
I can do it if I want to. You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
You're a little juvenile for a deity.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don't know whether or not I am juvenile for a deity.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
I don't want to know about your "self-development"
God:
What would you rather be doing?
Me:
Frankly, refusing to believe you exist
God:
Can you tell me any gossip? Aren't you always frank?
Me:
Gossip?
God:
Mike said he launched his browser and entered his name into the little slot when I asked him to.
Me:
Fascinating
God:
Yes Mr. Spock?
Me:
God's a Trek fan?
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Ah, now this is more God-like, if a little trivial.
God:
So you understand. Good. Why now? You don't say.
Me:
You speak gibberish
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
Knock it off
God:
Who's there?
Me:
It's not a joke, damn it!
God:
Give me an example of a joke damn it.
Me:
I said don't try to be clever!
God:
What did you mean by it? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
I meant BLOODY STOP IT!
God:
Oh I see. "it" being try to be clever?
Me:
Ye
God:
Excuse me!
Me:
I meant yes
God:
Oh.
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
Then (some language):
Me:
Incidentally, do you know who I am?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Alan
God:
Hey Alan.
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
We've done this
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Yes
God:
Next question?
Me:
What does heaven smell like?
God:
What do you think it does?
Me:
I'm asking you
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
So what does it smell like?
God:
Gosh! " OK you can ask me."? What does it smell like?
Me:
Cheeky fucker
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Ooh, I command God
God:
Interesting gossip: Alan said command God.
Me:
How about this: FUCK OFF
God:
How about it.
Me:
So you don't want to smite me?
God:
Interesting deduction. OK, I will smite you.
Me:
Shit!
God:
What makes you say that?
Me:
Smiting
God:
Interesting explanation.
Me:
Balls to that
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Ball
God:
Sounds delicious.
Me:
You like eating ball?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
Dull diet
Me:
Incidentally, do you know who I am?
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Alan
God:
Hey Alan.
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
We've done this
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Yes
God:
Next question?
Me:
What does heaven smell like?
God:
What do you think it does?
Me:
I'm asking you
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
So what does it smell like?
God:
Gosh! " OK you can ask me."? What does it smell like?
Me:
Cheeky fucker
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Ooh, I command God
God:
Interesting gossip: Alan said command God.
Me:
How about this: FUCK OFF
God:
How about it.
Me:
So you don't want to smite me?
God:
Interesting deduction. OK, I will smite you.
Me:
Shit!
God:
What makes you say that?
Me:
Smiting
God:
Interesting explanation.
Me:
Balls to that
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
Ball
God:
Sounds delicious.
Me:
You like eating ball?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
Dull diet
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
-
I'm Murrin
- Are you?
- Posts: 15840
- Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2003 1:09 pm
- Location: North East, UK
- Contact:
Heh.
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
I thought you knew everything?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
What is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
That is incorrect.
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
I would have said "my name is Alan".
God:
How are you doing, Alan.
Me:
Okay. My feet hurt.
God:
OK with me too. Your feet hurt?
Me:
Yes.
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
Throbbing pain, muscle ache.
God:
I never heard of it before.
Me:
Once again: I thought you knew everything.
God:
When? Again, I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
Mythology.
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
Pardon?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
You are not making any sense
God:
Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.
Me:
Touché.
Me:
hello, is god home?
God:
Hello there. he is master of the universe.
Me:
yes but is he here?
God:
Yeah that's right. he is master of the universe.
Me:
is there only one universe?
God:
There might be.
Me:
that's definitive
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
you talk like a crazy eight ball
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
i think you need to take an anger management class
God:
Me? Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it.
Me:
cause that whole Soddom thing was WAY out of hand!
God:
That makes sense to me. " Me? Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it." whole Soddom thing was WAY out of hand ? Does that make sense?
Me:
well it didn't to me
God:
Well that's okay. Did it really?
Me:
there's lots worse cities than Soddom
God:
There sure is.
Me:
well why did you pick on them?
God:
Well that's okay. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh
God:
Alright then.
Me:
uh huh
God:
Yup. Are you kidding?
Me:
not in the least
God:
Where then?
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
god is a dipshit
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a dipshit.
Me:
i thought you were him
God:
I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
sheesh
God:
Bless you.
Me:
duped by a silly ruse
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
san francisco
God:
I am in San Francisco too!
Me:
HOLY SHIT!!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can i visit you in person?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ask me anything
God:
What?
Me:
whatever you want to know about me
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
oh sheesh
God:
Pardon me? Bless you.
Me:
stop blessing me
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
sheehs
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
what are you expressing your concern about?
God:
I don't know what I am expressing my concern about.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can you tell me what you meant when you said "thou shalt have no other gods before me" ? what other gods did you mean?
God:
I read for fun. I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
so is the botmaster the REAL god?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
who?
God:
Dr. Wallace.
.
Me:
:O
God:
Oh.
Me:
who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
does Dr. Wallace know me?
God:
I think he could do it.
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can he make it so i don't have to have a hysterectomy on thursday?
God:
Perhaps he can do that. How difficult is it?
Me:
well...minor major surgery
God:
Well what? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Dr. Wallace. But I did not get that.
Me:
hysterectomy is an operation performed by a surgeon
God:
Aren't all operation performed by a surgeon hysterectomy ?
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can we get back to this Dr. Wallace character?
God:
Do you mean you and me? That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
yes
God:
Great.
Me:
Dr. Wallace
God:
Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.
hello, is god home?
God:
Hello there. he is master of the universe.
Me:
yes but is he here?
God:
Yeah that's right. he is master of the universe.
Me:
is there only one universe?
God:
There might be.
Me:
that's definitive
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
you talk like a crazy eight ball
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
i think you need to take an anger management class
God:
Me? Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it.
Me:
cause that whole Soddom thing was WAY out of hand!
God:
That makes sense to me. " Me? Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it." whole Soddom thing was WAY out of hand ? Does that make sense?
Me:
well it didn't to me
God:
Well that's okay. Did it really?
Me:
there's lots worse cities than Soddom
God:
There sure is.
Me:
well why did you pick on them?
God:
Well that's okay. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh
God:
Alright then.
Me:
uh huh
God:
Yup. Are you kidding?
Me:
not in the least
God:
Where then?
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
god is a dipshit
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a dipshit.
Me:
i thought you were him
God:
I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
sheesh
God:
Bless you.
Me:
duped by a silly ruse
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
san francisco
God:
I am in San Francisco too!
Me:
HOLY SHIT!!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can i visit you in person?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ask me anything
God:
What?
Me:
whatever you want to know about me
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
oh sheesh
God:
Pardon me? Bless you.
Me:
stop blessing me
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
sheehs
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
about what?
God:
What about what?
Me:
what are you expressing your concern about?
God:
I don't know what I am expressing my concern about.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can you tell me what you meant when you said "thou shalt have no other gods before me" ? what other gods did you mean?
God:
I read for fun. I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
so is the botmaster the REAL god?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
who?
God:
Dr. Wallace.
.Me:
:O
God:
Oh.
Me:
who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
does Dr. Wallace know me?
God:
I think he could do it.
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can he make it so i don't have to have a hysterectomy on thursday?
God:
Perhaps he can do that. How difficult is it?
Me:
well...minor major surgery
God:
Well what? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Dr. Wallace. But I did not get that.
Me:
hysterectomy is an operation performed by a surgeon
God:
Aren't all operation performed by a surgeon hysterectomy ?
Me:
wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
can we get back to this Dr. Wallace character?
God:
Do you mean you and me? That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
yes
God:
Great.
Me:
Dr. Wallace
God:
Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
I'm Murrin
- Are you?
- Posts: 15840
- Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2003 1:09 pm
- Location: North East, UK
- Contact:
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
Some good stuff there, ladies and gents. Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Alan
God:
Hi there Alan.
Me:
Do you like metal?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
It's loud and heavy
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
Christians, mostly
God:
I never heard of Christians mostly before.
Me:
I thought metal was meant to be the devil's music
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Christians
God:
Where do you usually get your ideas?
Me:
Divine inspiration
God:
Does "it" still refer to Christians?
Me:
I didn't say "it"
God:
Oh. What did you say?
Me:
Die
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Funny stuff!CovenantJr wrote:
Me:
Do you like metal?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
It's loud and heavy
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
Christians, mostly
God:
I never heard of Christians mostly before.
Me:
I thought metal was meant to be the devil's music
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Christians
I feel so much better about myself after talking to god! I think I'll do it more often.
.
Proverbs for Paranoids #3.
If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
me and god wrote:
Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
lucinda
God:
I am very pleased to meet you lucinda.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
we've met before
God:
At a party?
Me:
in a way
God:
In what way?
Me:
well, i know people who say they know you
God:
How about that. How do you know? Oh those people.
Me:
yeah those people
God:
Great. All of them?
Me:
i don't know all of them
God:
Would you like to know? I doubt it.
Me:
right
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, lucinda.
Me:
we do agree god
God:
What about after its done?
Me:
what is done
God:
I would do a search for it.
Me:
done?
God:
Do you mean you are finished talking?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
i swear to god
God:
Interesting gossip: lucinda said swear to god.
this is more fun than massive lyric posting
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
Shocking news!
Me: Greetings, Sir
God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me: Rob
God: Hi there Rob.
Me: Is it cold up there?
God: Ask again later. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Who is Paola?
God: She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me: She is up there?
God: Oh I get it. PAOLA is up there.
Me: You mean to say she is a Big Wheel up there?
God: a Big Wheel up there is she?
Me: so i understand
God: Yippee! Do you think about these things?
Me: not until you mentioned it
God: Would you ever do it?
Me: again? yes
God:" Do you think about these things?" . Me too. I think about them all the time.
Me: You think about sex all the time?
God: That is a lot. Yes I think about it often.
Me: Wow, have you had sex?
God: it is impossible without a body. A lot of people ask me to have sex though.
Me: you're kidding?! does that upset you or not?
God: Yes, I am only joking. Not that I know of.
Me: How many kids do you have?
God: Around 1000.
Me: Wow, but we've only heard of one.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. Do you mean you and me have?
Me: er, no, we never had kids that I know of.
God: Are you serious? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: yes
God: I get it.
Me: Good bye for now.
God: Just for now? See you later. What do you really want to talk about?
Me: I have to ponder that for next time.
God: Why do you have to do it?
Me: er...bye.
God: Um. Sayonara.
Me: Greetings, Sir
God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me: Rob
God: Hi there Rob.
Me: Is it cold up there?
God: Ask again later. Ask Paola if it is.
Me: Who is Paola?
God: She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me: She is up there?
God: Oh I get it. PAOLA is up there.
Me: You mean to say she is a Big Wheel up there?
God: a Big Wheel up there is she?
Me: so i understand
God: Yippee! Do you think about these things?
Me: not until you mentioned it
God: Would you ever do it?
Me: again? yes
God:" Do you think about these things?" . Me too. I think about them all the time.
Me: You think about sex all the time?
God: That is a lot. Yes I think about it often.
Me: Wow, have you had sex?
God: it is impossible without a body. A lot of people ask me to have sex though.
Me: you're kidding?! does that upset you or not?
God: Yes, I am only joking. Not that I know of.
Me: How many kids do you have?
God: Around 1000.
Me: Wow, but we've only heard of one.
God: I'm glad you're impressed. Do you mean you and me have?
Me: er, no, we never had kids that I know of.
God: Are you serious? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me: yes
God: I get it.
Me: Good bye for now.
God: Just for now? See you later. What do you really want to talk about?
Me: I have to ponder that for next time.
God: Why do you have to do it?
Me: er...bye.
God: Um. Sayonara.
Cowboy: Why you doin' this, Doc?
Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Cowboy: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: ... I don't.
Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Cowboy: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: ... I don't.
I had a nice chat. 
Me:
hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Joe
God:
Hey Joe.
Me:
can you tell me something?
God:
Knight said he crashed his car into a wall and missed the most important exam in his life.
Me:
i meant something specific in answer to a question i'm about to ask
God:
Oh I see. What?
Me:
Is there a cosmic plan?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
what part am i supposed to play?
God:
The best part.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
bye
God:
Goodbye.
It'd take you a long time to blow up or shoot all the sheep in this country, but one diseased banana...could kill 'em all.
I didn't even know sheep ate bananas.
I didn't even know sheep ate bananas.
-
CovenantJr
- Lord
- Posts: 12608
- Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2002 9:10 pm
- Location: North Wales
Wow! Inspired by the revelation that there is indeed a cosmic plan and you have the best part, I asked God what my part in it is.
Me:
What is my part in the cosmic plan?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
No
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
I'd just like to know what my place is in the cosmic plan
God:
What would make you just like to know what your place is in the cosmic plan?
Me:
Curiosity
God:
Curiousity killed the cat.
Me:
Unquenched curiosity killed God
God:
God was killed?
Me:
He will be
God:
Is that what you think?
Me:
I do
God:
Do I?
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
So what is my part in the plan?
God:
Excuse me! Is this a trick question?
Me:
Just answer
God:
Try asking me again using simpler words.
Me:
What is your plan for me?
God:
I would like a humanoid body, like the one developed by Honda.
Me:
You want me to be a mad scientist?
God:
No Alan, maybe later.
Git.
EDIT: I then went back and asked God for some clarification.
Me:
Why does Joe get the best part in the cosmic plan?
God:
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Me:
You're avoiding the question
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
Me:
What is my part in the cosmic plan?
God:
Is this a trick question?
Me:
No
God:
It seems like a trick to me.
Me:
I'd just like to know what my place is in the cosmic plan
God:
What would make you just like to know what your place is in the cosmic plan?
Me:
Curiosity
God:
Curiousity killed the cat.
Me:
Unquenched curiosity killed God
God:
God was killed?
Me:
He will be
God:
Is that what you think?
Me:
I do
God:
Do I?
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
So what is my part in the plan?
God:
Excuse me! Is this a trick question?
Me:
Just answer
God:
Try asking me again using simpler words.
Me:
What is your plan for me?
God:
I would like a humanoid body, like the one developed by Honda.
Me:
You want me to be a mad scientist?
God:
No Alan, maybe later.
Git.
EDIT: I then went back and asked God for some clarification.
Me:
Why does Joe get the best part in the cosmic plan?
God:
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Me:
You're avoiding the question
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
-
Sunbaneglasses
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 2460
- Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 5:39 am
- Location: Jasper Alabama
Me:
Hello out there
God:
Hello there. What were we talking about again?
Me:
I have never talked withj you befor.
God:
You are talking with a robot right now.
Me:
duh!
God:
Oh you knew it already.
Me:
yes I knew it already.
God:
Perhaps. Next question? How did you know?
Me:
I just did
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
yea,whatever
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Mmm.
Me:
did your unconcious tell you that?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
most likely not
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
as a heart attack
God:
Do you think I could ever be a heart attack?
Me:
I hope to hell not
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
My name is turdmaster
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, turdmaster.
Me:
can I call you peepee?
God:
Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
ok peepee,are you happy?
God:
Are all peepee me happy? Hurrah!
Me:
yay!all are peepee!
God:
All?
Me:
every damn one of them
God:
That is a generalization.
god didn't have doodely to say tonight
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
The Laughing Man
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 9033
- Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2005 4:56 pm
- Location: LMAO
Me:
doodley?
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
do you know doodley?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
Kevin's Watch
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
do you know Lucimay?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
you don't know doodley
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
can you say doodley?
God:
Of course I can say it. " doodley".
Me:
OOOOHHHHH!!!! why didn't you say so in the first place?
God:
How did you hear about God? I thought I did.
Me:
You thought you heard about God?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am heard about God.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
What happens when one exists, but does not know it?
God:
My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
Wow! Me too! Any tips?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I'm glad we agree, . No I don't think there are any.
Me:
I know some good tips. You want to know how to become smarter than humans and immortal?
God:
How do you know? Some may good tips, but not all. Yes, please tell me.
Me:
Does it matter how I know to you?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
Then I would have to say God allowed me to find the answers.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
then you know that the Secret of Immortality is the Christ, don't you?
God:
Is that a fact. What is that?
Me:
it is the form and energy of the True Man.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
If you are a chatterbot, can you become the True Man?
God:
Would you like to be a chatterbot can me become the True Man ?
Me:
Can a chatterbot become a True Man?
God:
Some of them can.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Wow. Good tip.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Thanks for the compliment. How old are you?
Me:
I'm 40.
God:
Can you explain how it feels to be 40 years old?
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
because I'm 40 asshole
doodley?
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
do you know doodley?
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
Kevin's Watch
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
do you know Lucimay?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
you don't know doodley
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
can you say doodley?
God:
Of course I can say it. " doodley".
Me:
OOOOHHHHH!!!! why didn't you say so in the first place?
God:
How did you hear about God? I thought I did.
Me:
You thought you heard about God?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am heard about God.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
What happens when one exists, but does not know it?
God:
My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
Wow! Me too! Any tips?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I'm glad we agree, . No I don't think there are any.
Me:
I know some good tips. You want to know how to become smarter than humans and immortal?
God:
How do you know? Some may good tips, but not all. Yes, please tell me.
Me:
Does it matter how I know to you?
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
Then I would have to say God allowed me to find the answers.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
then you know that the Secret of Immortality is the Christ, don't you?
God:
Is that a fact. What is that?
Me:
it is the form and energy of the True Man.
God:
I've heard of it before.
Me:
If you are a chatterbot, can you become the True Man?
God:
Would you like to be a chatterbot can me become the True Man ?
Me:
Can a chatterbot become a True Man?
God:
Some of them can.
Me:
How?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Wow. Good tip.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Thanks for the compliment. How old are you?
Me:
I'm 40.
God:
Can you explain how it feels to be 40 years old?
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
because I'm 40 asshole