Covenant walks into a bar....

Post by **lurch** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:50 pm

Thomas Covenant put the Krill back in to its sheath, turned around and immediately walks into a bar. Branl says, " I told you!"

Post by **Soarback Grayhare** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 3:18 pm

lurch wrote:Linden Avery walks into Staves fist.

You had me at this.

Post by **lurch** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 5:10 pm

Branl, Clyme, and TC go bird hunting one day. Only TC and Branl make it back..

Post by **lurch** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:18 pm

The Worm rumbles into a bar. The building shakes and quakes, the walls begin to crack, the roof begins to disintegrate. The bartender cowers saying," oh god, have mercy! " The Worm sniffs around and says, " don't worry, you don't serve EarthBlood here." turns around and rumbles out. Totally exasperated the bartender lets out, " what the hell was that?" Stephen Donaldson gets off his bar stool , pays his tab and says to the bartender.." I think I know how I'm going to end my book now.."

Post by **lurch** » Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:20 pm

George R R Martin walked into a bar. Nobody lived to tell about it.

Post by **peter** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 1:14 pm

Thomas Covenant walks into a bar, studies the cocktail menu and says to the barman "I'll have a 'Cesura' please." The barman says "Sorry pal - I haven't got the time."

Post by **peter** » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:39 pm

He says "I'll have a pint of Earthblood then". The parman pulls it and puts it on the bar. TC says "By 'eck, that stuff works quick - I 'int even drunk it yet!"

Post by **michaelm** » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:58 pm

Hile Troy walks into a bar.

"Ouch!"

Post by **michaelm** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:43 pm

Covenant walks into a giants' bar after ignoring his VSE and treatment for a long time, and climbs up onto a stool to order a drink.

"Hey, look at the little guy" says one giant.

"What is he? He's kind of small for a giant" says another?

"Well, he's small and has green hands with no fingers - he must be a leper-echaun..."

Post by **ussusimiel** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 8:37 pm

michaelm wrote:Covenant walks into a giants' bar after ignoring his VSE and treatment for a long time, and climbs up onto a stool to order a drink.

"Hey, look at the little guy" says one giant.

"What is he? He's kind of small for a giant" says another?

"Well, he's small and has green hands with no fingers - he must be a leper-echaun..."

This is hilarious!

Keep it up, mm.

u.

Post by **michaelm** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:52 pm

How many bloodguard does it take to change a million lightbulbs?

Only one.

"We will suffice".

Post by **peter** » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:54 pm

Twenty Bloodguard walk into a bar in the middle of an Antarctic whiteout. The barman looks up, startled to see so many customers arive all at one time. Wow! You guys are pretty hardcore - How d'yall make it through the blizzard like that?

The Bloodguard regard him impassionately. "We surf ice."

Post by **michaelm** » Tue Aug 26, 2014 4:46 pm

Lord Foul's army has surrounded a tall hill on a foggy day, and his spies have informed him that one Bloodguard is the only person on top of the hill. Foul thinks about it, and as he has 10,000 ur-viles and 30,000 cavewights, he thinks that a thousand ur-viles and 3,000 cavewights should be enough to quickly wipe out the single Haruchai.

He sits back all smug while he hears the sound of combat through the fog and thinks that no matter how many of his troops he loses, the Haruchai has no chance.

After about 30 minutes it's silent, but his troops don't return, then a few minutes later a single ur-vile crawls into view through the fog.

"What happened?" asks Foul.

"We were wrong!" gasps the ur-vile, "There wasn't just one Bloodguard...there were two!"

Post by **aliantha** » Tue Aug 26, 2014 5:29 pm

peter wrote:Twenty Bloodguard walk into a bar in the middle of an Antarctic whiteout. The barman looks up, startled to see so many customers arive all at one time. Wow! You guys are pretty hardcore - How d'yall make it through the blizzard like that?

The Bloodguard regard him impassionately. "We surf ice."

Augh!

Post by **Orlion** » Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:27 pm

aliantha wrote:
peter wrote:Twenty Bloodguard walk into a bar in the middle of an Antarctic whiteout. The barman looks up, startled to see so many customers arive all at one time. Wow! You guys are pretty hardcore - How d'yall make it through the blizzard like that?

The Bloodguard regard him impassionately. "We surf ice."
Augh!

Yeah, you're banned, Peter

Post by **michaelm** » Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:56 pm

Bannor walks into a bar.

The bar loses.

Post by **peter** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 10:02 am

After a rough morning fighting Nom in the Great Dessert outside the walls of brathairelm the remaining Haruchai prepare a quick repast before the company reurns to the Giantship. Smacking her lips after a hefty quaff of Diamondraught Linden says "Damn Brinn man - that was good; how do you muthas do that?"

Brinn looks at her his expresion expresionless. "We serve ice."

[

Ok - that's it I promise.]

Post by **ussusimiel** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:18 pm

When Brinn jumps into a lake or river, the water gets Brinn.

(Adapted from a Chuck Norris joke.)

Post by **michaelm** » Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:33 pm

Covenant walks into a bar and sees a sign: "Hot pies $2, handjobs $1"

He says to the woman behind the bar "Do you give handjobs?"

She replies "Yes, I sure do..."

"Well go wash your hands then, I want a pie"

Post by **Vraith** » Tue Sep 02, 2014 3:54 pm

ussusimiel wrote:When Brinn jumps into a lake or river, the water gets Brinn.

(Adapted from a Chuck Norris joke.)

That link is funny.
Googlemaps used to include driving directions from some places in the U.S. to London [and the reverse] that included the instruction:
"Swim 3470 miles"...
I don't think it does anymore.

But is u.'re joke really rooted in that, or in:

Particle man
Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

Covenant walks into a bar....