proof that Australia is a myth

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 7:49 am

after interrogating Loremaster at the E-Fest I now have all the proof I need that Australia is a myth.

1] Lore does not like Fosters. he was off script in his honesty. all Australians are supposed to drink Fosters by the bucket.

2] Lore does not know who Tim Minchin is.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVh15aUt8-c

3] Lore never used any of the following words : Jackaroo, outback, bush, dinkum, fair dinkum, mate, g'day, barbie, Sheila, bludger, sunnies, bikkies, goon bag, esky, or ute,.

4] not once did I catch Lore singing Waltzing Matilda.

5] Lore does not like cricket.

6] Australia is also called Oz. Oz is fictional.

7] Lore never requested any of the fllowing bands : AC/DC, Men at Work, INXS, Bee Gees. Instead obsessively demanding that the Carpenters be played in whatever vehicle he was riding in.

8] Kylie Minogue was never mentioned by Lore.
www.bing.com/images/search?q=kylie+mino ... &FORM=IGRE

9] Lore claims Welsh heritage. everyone in Wales has the surname Jones. Catherine Zeta and Tom are proof of this. hence Lore is not of Welsh decnt and nothing he says can be trusted.

0] I have never seen Australia.

I demand proof now.

YouTube · Post by **Menolly** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:35 am

sgt.null wrote:after interrogating Loremaster at the E-Fest I now have all the proof I need that Australia is a myth.

*snip*

3] Lore never used any of the following words : Jackaroo, outback, bush, dinkum, fair dinkum, mate, g'day, barbie, Sheila, bludger, sunnies, bikkies, goon bag, esky, or ute,.

*snip*

Um, I'll bear witness that Lore did say "Outback" a couple of times...

...of course, it was in response to all of us panning Outback Steakhouse's "Aussie atmosphere" as we drove by one.

Oh! He even said something about telling the cooks at Outback off, and used both "barbie" and "mate" in what he said he would say. I bet SD could remember it word for word, if Lore is unable to recall it.

Post by **Lord Zombiac** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:37 pm

7] I had this discussion with my brother before-- the Bee Gees were actually from the Isle of Mann and only spent a few years in Oz. They didn't achieve success until they returned to England and Brian Epstein's business partner Robert Stigwood picked them up... also Nick Cave! Don't forget Nick Cave!

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:29 pm

Zom : Cave was someone that Lore did mention as well. coincidence? or was Lore's info packet not indepth enough to sustain the lie?

Menolly: that was just Lore "winging" it. they should have hired someone who was a bit more convincing. my best guess is that Lore is English, from Essex if I had to guess.

Post by **Lord Zombiac** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:31 pm

Maybe he's from Austin-- also sometimes called Oz

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:48 pm

I have been caught out. I am, in reality, a homeless man from South Croyden named Todger McGee. I also own a badger known as Ponce.

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:53 pm

Loremaster wrote:I have been caught out. I am, in reality, a homeless man from South Croyden named Todger McGee. I also own a badger known as Ponce.

ahahahaha!!!

now we are getting somewhere. if only i could figure out why the English government is stealing people and implanting memories of "Australia, New Zealand, Tasmania" into them.

forgot about an important part of the mythology of Australia... the animals that are supposed to be native to the place.

home.iprimus.com.au/gunnado/animals.html

did they really expect us to believe any of that?

Zom : the Austin angle was something I had not researched. but "keep AUstin weird" may be a clue.

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:53 pm

Oh, and this thread should be awarded Thread of the Year.

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 4:56 pm

Loremaster wrote:Oh, and this thread should be awarded Thread of the Year.

more diversion?

I am close to the secret and you award me with shiny....

does thread of the year come with shiny stuff? maybe more wgd's?

where was I???

awards - right - what kind of awards are we talking about?

Post by **Holsety** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:00 pm

First off, I am Matthew Aaron Vomacka. Truth. Truth. Truth.

I dunno if Australia is a myth, but I will tell you a short story I love about Australia.

(poem a coming)

Tuckett. Bill Tuckett. Telegraph operator, Hall's creek,
which is way out back of the Outback, but he stuck it,
quite likely liked it, despite heat, glare, dust, and the lack
of diversion of doctors. Come disaster you trusted to luck,
ingenuity and pluck. This was back when nice people said pluck,
the sleevelink and green eyeshade epoch.
Faced, though, like Bill Tuckett
with a man needing surgery right on the spot, a lot
would have done their dashes. It looked hopeless (dot dot dot)
Lift him up on the table, said Tuckett, running the key hot
till Head Office turned up a doctor who coolly instructed
up a thousand miles of wire, as Tuckett advanced slit by slit
with a safety razor blade, pioneering on into the wet,
copper-wiring the rivers off, in the first operation conducted
along dotted lines, with rum drinkers gripping the patient:
d-d-dash it, take care. Tuck!
And the vital spark stayed unshorted.
Yallah! breathed the camelmen. Tuckett, you did it, you did it!
cried the spattered la-de-dah jodhpur-wearing inspector of Stock.
We imagine, some weeks later, a properly laconic
convalescent averring Without you, I'd have kicked the bucket...

From Chungking to Burrenjuck, morse keys have mostly gone silent
and only old men meet now to chit-chat in their electric
bygone dialect. The last letter many will forget
its dit-dit-dit-dah, V for Victory. The coders' hero has speed,
resource and a touch. So ditditdit daah for Bill Tuckett.

Now, consider this. Having carefully researched this poem, it turned out that while this poem is essentially true, the patient died anyway. This was provided by an Australian historical society, so its about as verifiable a statement as anything.

The patient did not die due to Tuckett's surgery, but rather because the doctor didn't arrive to see to other problems, unrelated, IIRC, to the surgery at hand.

Again, I am Matthew Aaron Vomacka, and I need no help but people to converse with and enjoy myself. I love my neighbor as myself, that is why after taking a shower and getting dressed, the first thing I did was go over and take care of my neighbor's house. That is why I love you guys. Can never say it enough.

EDIT-And agreed, Sgt deserves some kind of award for this. Some kind of really important one. Member of the year? Member of all time? Nah, he has his own rewards. From what I remember, doesn't he have a family that loves him? What could we possibly give him that he cares about?

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:01 pm

sgt.null wrote:
Loremaster wrote:Oh, and this thread should be awarded Thread of the Year.
more diversion?

I am close to the secret and you award me with shiny....

does thread of the year come with shiny stuff? maybe more wgd's?

where was I???

awards - right - what kind of awards are we talking about?

I know where you live, and you are perilously close to the truth. Covenant Jr and I will be visiting you soon to make you think you are Australian too. Then the Buggering will commence.

Post by **Holsety** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:04 pm

Loremaster wrote:
sgt.null wrote:
Loremaster wrote:Oh, and this thread should be awarded Thread of the Year.
more diversion?

I am close to the secret and you award me with shiny....

does thread of the year come with shiny stuff? maybe more wgd's?

where was I???

awards - right - what kind of awards are we talking about?
I know where you live, and you are perilously close to the truth. Covenant Jr and I will be visiting you soon to make you think you are Australian too. Then the Buggering will commence.

I would love to be a bugger! When all the buggers are destroyed, Ender hides the queen, and the buggers come back, alive and well, living with humans and piggies.

Too bad you're letting someone else be a bugger...

I mean, for all the tragedy they face, what would one rather be than a bugger?

(Recently had a guy in a car scream FUCK at me. My response? "YEAAAAH" even louder.)

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:06 pm

Buggering???

oh bother...

Holsety - loved the poem. I know there is a clue buried in there somewhere......

I prefer rewards to family, rewards don't mind being shown off...

family gets annoyed at being on my shelf...

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:07 pm

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three,
"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?",
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the billabong,
"You'll never take me alive", said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me."

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:09 pm

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.'

see any difference? I don't... I believe Dodgson wrote both.

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:11 pm

sgt.null wrote:Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three,
"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
"Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?",
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the billabong,
"You'll never take me alive", said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me."

Isn't this a song by the Carpenters?

Post by **DukkhaWaynhim** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:17 pm

Post by **sgt.null** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:23 pm

Lore - you and your Carpenters. pshaw. soft rock will be the death of all of us.

Dukkha : boomerangs?

"Historical evidence also points to the use of non-returning boomerangs by the ancient Egyptians, Native Americans of California and Arizona, and inhabitants of southern India for killing birds and rabbits."

see - no need for the Australian origin for boomerangs.

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:25 pm

DukkhaWaynhim wrote:<walks in, scratches head, ducks the mental boomerang, and quickly hightails it back out>

Post by **Loredoctor** » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:25 pm

sgt.null wrote:Lore - you and your Carpenters. pshaw. soft rock will be the death of all of us.

Kevin's Watch

Kevin's Watch

proof that Australia is a myth

proof that Australia is a myth

Re: proof that Australia is a myth