Agony Sheep

[deer of the dawn]

Come baaaaaack, Sheep!!

[Dread Poet Jethro]

For shame on the ram
He's on the lam since Mary's
Medical exam

[sgt.null]

[shadowbinding shoe]

When I was young, I counted the sheep to go to sleep.
Then while still young, I leaped with the rams to burn off those yams.
But becoming a crook, I snuggled in wool and fooled all those fools.
Now I am old, I stand on a rock and like the fool on the dock, I simply can't walk.

Tell me oh tell me, Agony Sheep. How can I get my feet back on solid ground. Let me tell you, it's windy up here.

[Shaun das Schaf]

Apologies Dear Readers, the sheep is temporarily out of order, momentarily not in service, currently functioning below par. I hope to back on my hooves real soon.

In the meantime, Dearest Cag, I hope the job interview goes/went well. Don't tell them about the bodies in the basement and you'll be fine.

Dearest Sarge, please don the hat of agony and answer Vraith's pressing query.
Dearest Vraith, please don the back-up hat of agony and respond to the Shoe's precarious predicament.
Dearest DPJ, I've not the fuel for haiku right now but I enjoyed yours, as I always do.
Dearest Deer, , the sheep is on the way back. The wind of which the shadow spoke is head-on in nature and insistent in blow.

See you soon worthy readers. And can someone please water the plants. Their succulent appearance is deceptive. They require water and the odd gentle greeting.

[sgt.null]

A.S.,
I don't know what to do.
My sister, Mary, had a little sheep.
She took it when she went to sleep.
But the sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.

My parents threw her out, and the Ram ran off. What now?

Three blind rams,
Three blind rams
See how they run,
See how they run!

They all ran after
The farmer's wife
She cut off their balls
With a carving knife
Did you ever see
Such a sight in your life
As three blind rams?

[Dread Poet Jethro]

The fuel for haiku
Is plentiful, for it is
Naught but fuel-ish-ness

[deer of the dawn]

Sheep can graze safely, where a good shepherd watches
Where Princes govern well, one senses peace and harmony and what makes the region (Duke's territories) happy.

[sgt.null]

Rambouillet

[Vraith]

Dearest Vraith, please don the back-up hat of agony and respond to the Shoe's precarious predicament.

You know that hat always turns me back into a wolf! But I'll try anyway...can't let my lamb-kin down, especially when she's feeling bodkin.

When I was young, I counted the sheep to go to sleep.
Then while still young, I leaped with the rams to burn off those yams.
But becoming a crook, I snuggled in wool and fooled all those fools.
Now I am old, I stand on a rock and like the fool on the dock, I simply can't walk.

Tell me oh tell me, Agony Sheep. How can I get my feet back on solid ground. Let me tell you, it's windy up here.

Dear S-shoe,
Apparently my sister in her enlightened esoterica thinks my more practical bent may aid. Being a groundling is easy when born to it...one escapes it by cutting loose. But returning as you wish sometimes means cutting off.
As leaving the ethereal of anesthization, count your blessings only in reverse. Old is not aged, a fool cannot stand, and neither can an infant walk. A crook is crooked, and therefore a hook to hold on, a line, to real in. Jump back on the dock, trust the net will catch the catch. Those yams are the reason the rams played anyway.

If all of that fails, remember the hat I wear and look back. Even in the darkest void, one can see teeth pursuing. Nothing is more grounding than preyer.

[sgt.null]

Suffolk

[Savor Dam]

Ram on
Give your heart to somebody
Soon, right away
Right away...

[sgt.null]

Australian Merino

[Cagliostro]

Apologies Dear Readers, the sheep is temporarily out of order, momentarily not in service, currently functioning below par. I hope to back on my hooves real soon.

In the meantime, Dearest Cag, I hope the job interview goes/went well. Don't tell them about the bodies in the basement and you'll be fine.

It went well, and I might be moving on to the face to face interview. We'll see. I have to call the guy back today as he left a message after we were out for the evening.

And we moved the bodies to the crawlspace in the attic. But now the ceiling is starting to drip, so we may have to move them back.

[sgt.null]

Montadale

[Linna Heartbooger]

Thank-you for your letter Linna and good luck with your schedules.

P.S. The wad of cash in your SSAE is a refund for the lack of humour in the main body of your advice. I hope it's enough to buy an umbrella.

Dear Agony Sheep,

I just wanted to write to thank you, and let you know some of the good results that have happened since I got your advice.

Well, I had multiple disappointments as I tried and failed at scheduling, even after receiving your letter.
I was actually a real jerk to a couple of potential students - deceptive, even!
But the other day, I finally negotiated with a new student who lived far away, and I wanted to get him to come to me for tutoring... and it WORKED!

I'm returning the wad of cash, as I found your letter HILARIOUS.
If anything, my main critique of your letter is for that self-deprecating comment!

I suppose that some days it's hard you or me to see that good enough really IS good enough!
Props to you for backing away from the pressure to always "perform," and delegating some of those letters out awhile back. (brilliant, actually!)

Thank you,
-"Dee Gauss"

[Linna Heartbooger]

Wow, just started catching up on this thread...

If all of that fails, remember the hat I wear and look back.
Even in the darkest void, one can see teeth pursuing.
Nothing is more grounding than preyer.

You're completely, completely awful! I'm not 'supposed to' laugh at this stuff.

[deer of the dawn]

The wind of which the shadow spoke is head-on in nature and insistent in blow.

The wind insists on speaking
Something it has on no mind
Intimating what trees whisper
With heads bowed beneath the stars.
Shouting what the ocean cried
Fists pounding on the cliffs
Singing the river's tuneless air;
The rain's thoughtless boon.

Give the wind no mind, then,
But listen, and listen, and listen
And hear what may be spoken
to the heart, if you will listen.

[sgt.null]

[sgt.null]