Ok - it's time to finally come out of the closet. I am Stephen Donaldson. No really - honest, no bullsh*t - I am 'the man'. I've been doing this 'undercover stuff' for a few years just to keep an eye on what my readership thinks of me and stuff, and I can tell you, it stinks! Here's me, battering away at my old typewrighter, smoking 60 a day and churning out page after page of rich and gilded prose, and the best you bunch can come up with is thoolah or whatever the bullcrap name of it is. Get a life loosers! [Actually some of you have been really kind, recognising my atempts to elevate 'Tolkein to Tolstoy', but to the rest of you - if you don't like it you can **** off and find yourself a new author to trample on you ungratefull b******s! Hellfire - it makes me sick!
Ok - now I got that off'f my chest lets get down to the nitty gritty. I know lots of you are going to have stuff you want to ask me when we get down to that Elohifest place but I'm warning you now.
The first one of youz that asks me about that rainbow bit
is gonna get a poke in the eye! WTF! Cut a guy some slack will you. Don't you get it - it's the only happy thing I've written in forty years! A guys bound to need a bit if time to find his groove with that kind of stuff - I'm just tryin' a few practice strokes is all. Hell, did Frank L Baum have to put up with this kind of crap [he's the dude who wrote 'The Wizard of Oz' in case you redneck muthas don't know]! Your just lucky I scrapped the bit with the Ranhyn foal and the kitten. And another thing - when we get down to Utah or wherever the hell it is, how about tryin to rustle me up a chair to sit on this time - I'm in my sicties for Gods sake. You think I like standing there clenching the table edges to stop from falling down, watching you guys swill beer and eat burgers! Hellfire - show some respect will you - find a man a seat!
Well now at last I'm out in the open [I expect some of you had already sussed me out
] feel free to ask any questions you want to - just don't expect me to reply 'coz I'm off out in my stretch limo with a couple of playboy models of my choice an' I douwt I'll have much energy left for you guys by the time I get back if you get my drift. [And after that I have a little piece I'm preparing for next years 'Friendship Book' to complete.
Actually, I have a confession to make guys - I discover I'm not Stephen Donaldson after all.... I'm God! God, I tell you - God!
