The Covenant in ridiculous situations game.

[Sunbaneglasses]

On the surface there are several striking similarities in TCTC and The Wizard of Oz.I was wondering what mahem and nonsense might occur if Thomas Covenant was perhaps accidently summoned to Oz.Anyone ready for a few crying Munchkins?Or perhaps we could drop Covenant in Middle Earth?Narnia,anywhere!One poster presents the situation,and the next Covenant's response to the situation and a new senario...etc....etc....etc.....

[Sunbaneglasses]

Munchkins: "Oh thank you Thomas Covenant for killing the wicked witch,how can we repay you?"

[Cheval]

"Don't touch me."

[Sunbaneglasses]

Munchkins: "Oh thank you Thomas Covenant for killing the wicked witch,how can we repay you?"

Covenant:"Hellfire and bloody damnation!I don't even think this place exists!You all want to make me somekind of damn savior,do you think I wanted to kill someone?Don't touch me!Don't you understand I'm a leper?Lepers do things like this all the time not meaning to."


"You must find the Wicked Witch of The West and retrieve the two ruby slippers she posseses if you want to go back home"

[onewyteduck]

After raping the Good Witch Glenda, he starts telling everyone "I'm not your bloody Dorothy".

[The Laughing Man]

The Land Reloaded

Lord Mhoram: Not everyone unbelieves what you do Unbeliever.

Covenant: My unbeliefs do not require them to.

[Cheval]

"I'll get you next time, my pretty.
And your white gold too!"

[onewyteduck]

Kind of sheds a new light on "if I only had the nerve!"

[ur-bane]

Thomas Covenant was falling. It seemed as though he were falling through the floor of his perfectly arranged living room. The world he knew lost all meaning. Only cold and darkness existed.The sensation did not last long, and soon the impression of falling ceased. Thomas Covenant opened his eyes to find himself in a massive round metal chamber. Bubbles were gently floating upward. Following their path, Covenant looked up to see a young boy and an old man suspended precariously near an immense rotary blade set into the ceiling. He thought he heard them burping...

[firelion]

"Hi! I'm Willy Wonka,are you lost?"TC "Don't touch me".Wonka"Try some of my bubble drink,it will cheer you up!"Hellfire!Can't you see I'm a leper?You want to cheer me up with something as material as a bottle of pop?Look at my hand,do you think your bottle of pop can replace my two lost finger?Or bring back Joan?Hellfire and bloody damnation!I'm a leper and suicide is the only easy out for a leper,but I intend to live!If not for myself,then out of shear spite for people like you." Wonka "Then I guess I would be wasting my time offering you an everlasting gobstopper?


A sealed letter arrives by owl post to Haven Farm,it reads "Dear Mr Covenant,it has recently come to our attention that you posses some special abbilities,we usualy accept students at age 11,we are very sorry the house elves seem to have missplaced your file long ago and it has only recently been discovered.We fully intend to do the right thing and make an exception in this case,Mr Covenant you have been accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry.Sincerly and with utmost appology Albus Dumbledore.

[wayfriend]

A sealed letter arrives by owl post to Haven Farm,it reads "Dear Mr Covenant,it has recently come to our attention that you posses some special abbilities,we usualy accept students at age 11,we are very sorry the house elves seem to have missplaced your file long ago and it has only recently been discovered.We fully intend to do the right thing and make an exception in this case,Mr Covenant you have been accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry.Sincerly and with utmost appology Albus Dumbledore.

"Who makes up this crap?!" Covenant threw the letter in the fire, watched it curl, darken, and dissolve in crimson vertigris.

The next day, Covenant awoke. On his way into the kitchen, a letter lay starkly in the front hall, like a warning from God, delivered by his lawyer. "Hellfire." Without examination, he picked up the envelope and discarded it in the kitchen waste basket.

The day after that, there was another letter.

And another the day after that.

Then one morning he awoke to a noise. He rushed to the front hall, imprecations on his lips, to find an avalanch of correspondence occluding the floor mat. Even as he stared, pale envelopes streamed through the mail slot. "No!", he cried, and bent to sweep them up, but envelopes began falling from the ceiling.

After sputtering damnations at no one, and impotently sweeping paper from one side of the hall to the other, Covenant finally collapsed against the wall, and hurled a letter into the parlor.

"All right, Dumbledore," he mumbled wanly. "I'll come."

- - - - - - - - - -

Winnie the Pooh crawled out of the gorse-bush, brushed the prickles from his nose and began to think again.

"Think, think, think."

And the first person he thought of was -

"Winnie the Pooh?"

No, Thomas Covenant.

"Oh"

Thomas Covenant lived in another part of the forest, where he could be near his friends and help them with their problems.

"Good morning, Thomas Covenant!"

"Oh, good morning, Winnie the Pooh!"

Pooh glances about.

"What are you looking for Pooh Bear?

"I just said to myself coming along thinking and wondering if you had such a thing as a umm, such a thing Thomas, a as a balloon about you?"

[ur-bane]

Winnie the Pooh crawled out of the gorse-bush, brushed the prickles from his nose and began to think again.

"Think, think, think."

And the first person he thought of was -

"Winnie the Pooh?"

No, Thomas Covenant.

"Oh"

Thomas Covenant lived in another part of the forest, where he could be near his friends and help them with their problems.

"Good morning, Thomas Covenant!"

"Oh, good morning, Winnie the Pooh!"

Pooh glances about.

"What are you looking for Pooh Bear?

"I just said to myself coming along thinking and wondering if you had such a thing as a umm, such a thing Thomas, a as a balloon about you?"

"What do you want a balloon for?" Thomas Covenant said.
Winnie-the-Pooh looked round to see that nobody was listening, put his paw to his mouth, and said in a deep whisper: "Linden!"
"But you don't get Linden with balloons!" Thomas Covenant replied.
"I do," said Pooh.

**Excellent, Wayfriend! Very well done, both Pooh and Potter! **


"Thomas Maverick Covenant, get in here!
"Prothall was number one and you were number two. Prothall lost it, turned in his staff. Now you're number one. I gotta do something I never thought.....I gotta send you to TopGold!
"If you screw up just this much, you're gonna sail a dromond full of rubber Droolshit outta Mount Thunder for the rest of your career! That is all. Dismissed."

[Sunbaneglasses]

Pooh!Ha ha!The only thing that could have made it better is if TC had walked around with an umberella saying "tut tut hellfire and damnation,it looks like rain"

[danlo]

Ten Bears: You are the only white man I have ever known. I have thought about you a lot. More than you think. And I understand your concern. But I think you are wrong. The white man the soldiers are looking for no longer exists. Now there is only a Sioux named Bitches without Fingers.

[onewyteduck]

[sgt.null]

TC as the Incredible Hulk...

"Don't touch me! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

[wayfriend]

(Ok, I like this game, so I'll try to keep it moving.)

(Remember, you need to complete one scenario and start a new one in the same post.)

"Thomas Maverick Covenant, get in here!
"Prothall was number one and you were number two. Prothall lost it, turned in his staff. Now you're number one. I gotta do something I never thought.....I gotta send you to TopGold!
"If you screw up just this much, you're gonna sail a dromond full of rubber Droolshit outta Mount Thunder for the rest of your career! That is all. Dismissed."

This dream wanted him to be a hero, a savior; therefore it seduced him, swept him along. The only difference in this between the Commander and those Migs was that the those Migs wanted him to bug out.

"Hellfire! I'm not your bloody Iceman!"

- - - - - - - - - -

FATHER: Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. All the kings said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest castle in these islands.

THOMAS: But I don't want any of that -- I'd rather --

FATHER: Rather what?!

THOMAS: I'd rather... just...

[DukkhaWaynhim]

(Ok, I like this game, so I'll try to keep it moving.)
(Remember, you need to complete one scenario and start a new one in the same post.)
- - - - - - - - - -
FATHER: Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. All the kings said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest castle in these islands.

THOMAS: But I don't want any of that -- I'd rather --

FATHER: Rather what?!

THOMAS: I'd rather... just...

...sing giant songs [great swelling of music]

FATHER: No, no, no, [rip of needle coming off record; music stops] we'll have none of that here...

THOMAS: Hellfire, Father!

FATHER: Enough with the music, lad. Be a good girl...

THOMAS: Boy!

FATHER: ..er, boy, right. Be a good boy and go slay Lord Foul for me, will you? He's depressing our property value. Get some knights to help you. They're always a few slinking and clanking around here somewhere.
Oh, here's one now, slaughtering his way through our wedding feast...
======================

LORD FOUL (to Covenant, Seussically): Do not touch this Illearth Stone, do not touch it, Leper-Lone. You cannot summon argent wild, you cannot do it, bitter child.

COVENANT: ...

[The Somberlain]

Covenant: Bloody hellfire, Foul, Despiser! Your wights' wicked warrens could be nicer. They're making Thnur-viles at great speeds, And a Thnur-vile's something that nobody needs.

Lord Foul: I care not for the doom of Garotting Deep; I need the Thnur-viles to take Lord's Keep. Now think on this and be dismayed: You'll be in my service but won't get paid.


Hmmmmm.

====================

Amnion Command: The Amnion require possession of the new human child aboard your ship.

Nick Succorso: Tell them your emissary is acceptable.

Thomas Covenant (leaping to the intercom): Hellfire! I made a bargain!

Amnion Command: Conformity of purpose will be achieved through the mutual satisfaction of requirements.

Thomas Covenant: Damnation! Requirements? Requirements!? Can't you see I'm a leper!?

[wayfriend]

(If you want this thread to stay alive, you gotta leave it with something doable, mates! I don't even understand this one ...)

Amnion Command: The Amnion require possession of the new human child aboard your ship.

Nick Succorso: Tell them your emissary is acceptable.

Thomas Covenant (leaping to the intercom): Hellfire! I made a bargain!

Amnion Command: Conformity of purpose will be achieved through the mutual satisfaction of requirements.

Thomas Covenant: Damnation! Requirements? Requirements!? Can't you see I'm a leper!?

Nick raged, "Leper! Unbeliever! Excuses! Give the damn Amnion their requirements!"

When Nick paused to gather himself for another assault, Covenant said weakly, "Requirements have got nothing to do with this. He is my daughter!"

"What?!"

"My daughter." Covenant pronounced it like an indictment. "I raped Sorus. Davies is our child."

Suddenly, Nick's accumulated passion burst into action. He spun once to gain momentum, and leveled a crushing blow with the zone implant control at Covenant's head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gollum got into his boat and shot off from the island. Suddenly up came Gollum and whispered and hissed: "Bless us and splash us, my precioussss!" The hobbit jumped nearly out of his skin when the hiss came in his ears, and he suddenly saw the pale eyes sticking out at him.

"Who are you?" he said, thrusting his dagger in front of him.

"What iss he, my preciouss?" whispered Gollum.

"I am Mr. Thomas Covenant. I have ____________".