The Covenant in ridiculous situations game.

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High Lord Tolkien
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

Wayfriend wrote: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gollum got into his boat and shot off from the island. Suddenly up came Gollum and whispered and hissed: "Bless us and splash us, my precioussss!" The hobbit jumped nearly out of his skin when the hiss came in his ears, and he suddenly saw the pale eyes sticking out at him.

"Who are you?" he said, thrusting his dagger in front of him.

"What iss he, my preciouss?" whispered Gollum.

"I am Mr. Thomas Covenant. I have ____________".
"I am Mr. Thomas Covenant. I have leprosy."

"What's happened to his handses?" said Gollum reaching out, looking at the halfhand, which made him quite hungry.

"Blast you! I said I was a leper. Don't touch me!".

"Sssss," said Gollum, and became quite polite. "Praps ye sits here and chats with it a bitsy, my preciousss. It like stories, praps it does, does it?"

Absently, he replied, "I did, once."

***********

TC: Khan!

KHAN: You still remember, Admiral. I cannot help but be touched. Of course, I remember you.

TC: What is the meaning of this attack?Where is the crew of the Reliant?

KHAN: Surely I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I've deprived your ship of power and when I swing round I mean to deprive you of your life -- -- But I wanted you to know first who it was who had beaten you: I,Khan Noonian Singh, the eagle you attempted to cage forever.

TC: Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is .....



[Good luck with this one!]
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/

[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!


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Post by wayfriend »

(Ok, I've got it!)
TC: Khan!

KHAN: You still remember, Admiral. I cannot help but be touched. Of course, I remember you.

TC: What is the meaning of this attack?Where is the crew of the Reliant?

KHAN: Surely I have made my meaning plain. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I've deprived your ship of power and when I swing round I mean to deprive you of your life -- -- But I wanted you to know first who it was who had beaten you: I,Khan Noonian Singh, the eagle you attempted to cage forever.

TC: Khan, listen to me -- if its me you want, I'll have myself beamed aboard. All I ask is .....
... that you spare my crew.

KHAN: Accepted.

[TC is beamed over to the bridge of the Reliant.]

TC: Big deal. Anyone can hijack a starship. You're as bright as a tribble, Khan.

[Khan, enraged, draws his phasor and shoots Covenant dead.]

KHAN: Ware me, Enterprise! Oppose me if you dare! Fire photon torpedoes!

[The Reliant's photon torpedoes explode before they reach the disabled Enterprise.]

JOACHIM: Sir! Our sensors are detecting some sort of force field. It has blocked our torpedoes.

KHAN: What?!?! Try again.

[Another salvo of torpedoes is launched. Again they explode before hitting the Enterprise. The force field becomes visible and gains strength. It is shaped like a giant Covenant's head, floating in space. ]

KHAN: NO!! NO!!

JOACHIM: The force field is impenetrable. We must withdraw!

KHAN: [ignoring his science officer and raging maniacly] FIRE!! FIRE!!

[The apparition grows stronger.]

TC: I'm not going to fight you. Surrender the Reliant, Khan.

Khan: [pressing the fire button over and over] No!! No!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

MARLEY: Hear me, Covenant! My time is nearly gone. I am here tonight to warn you, that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. You will be haunted ... by Three Spirits.
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Post by ur-bane »

MARLEY: Hear me, Covenant! My time is nearly gone. I am here tonight to warn you,
that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate. You will be haunted ... by Three Spirits.
Thomas Covenant lay in his pajamas, and felt the puissance of Marley's words. The thought of the Three Spirits sent his skin crawling, as if his deadened nerves were suddenly sensistive to formication. In time, he drifted off to sleep....

He awoke with a start to a sound in the hallway. It sounded like......graveling being dragged over hardwood flooring.
His bedroom door opened and there in the doorway stood Lena, Atiaran-daughter.
"I am the ghost of the Land past! Come with me. There are things you need to see."
"Hellfire! Hellfire and bloody damnation! You're not even real!" Covenant roared out of bed, with a feeling like formication as
the blood rushed back into his limbs.

He was whisked away into the clouds of time.

There before him unfolded the Land, in all its former glory. Birds sang loudly in the crisp spring air. A stone village appeared
in the near distance, drawing nearer as he and Lena drifted through the heavens. He felt the puissance of her touch as they hovered.
This is not formication he thought.
Then they were on the banks of the Mithil. Covenant watched himself rape Lena again. Tears of agony streamed down his cheeks as he relived his nightmare. Then they were on a high balcony of Revelstone. A tapestry scrambled downward through the air to alight on the foothills below.

He then transubstantiated into a firelit crevasse. Pietten was saying "Am I not the best tender of the Ranyhyn in the Plains of Ra? And do I not make the best razzleberry dressing in the Land?"

A woman's face appeared before him. He was now standing in crisp air, soft grass under his feet. He watched himself as he rent her shift and reached out to stike the woman a hard blow on her cheek. Oh Elena!!

Then he was drawn to a man with an iron dirk in his chest, brough through suns of varying hues, where he was attacked by bees.
Eventually he was aboard a dromond, being attacked by a frenzy of rats, then all was dark and he was standing in a field with someone running toward him. In an instant that felt like forever, Covenant found himself giving Foul his ring. He relived the searing pain of the blast of his own power as it struck him down.

"That's enough! Hellfire! I can't stand anymore! This isn't even real!"

Covenant sat up screaming. Sweat crawled across his face like formication as he relived the puissance of his dream. A dream
he told himself. Nothing more.

He was finally drifting off to sleep when another sound reached his ears from the hallway. It was surely the sound of whining.
Once again, the bedroom door opened, and there standing at the threshhold was Linden Avery.
"I am the ghost of the Land present!" she exclaimed.
"Ahh...damn it all to hell! Hell and bloody damnation! Let's get this over with."

He was whisked through time and worlds alongside Linden; her puissance felt like formication on his skin.
Runes spoiler
Spoiler
He was shown caesures and the twisted wreck of the Waynhim as it handed Linden the Staff of Law. He saw Esmer beat an
Haruchai within an inch of his life. Is that Bannor...no it couldn't be. He saw Linden give Joan her ring. He saw Joan bloodying her temple with sporadic blows from her own hand. Linden took him through the caesure on a Ranyhnh, and he felt the formication once again as he rode within the puissance of the caesure. He emerged at Revelstone and saw Anele burning amid massive figures that charged mercilessly behind.
He was taken inside Revelstone where he saw an old woman in a patchwork dress knitting a red stocking and staring at him, measuring him with the knowledge behind her one orange and one blue eye.
He saw himself and a boy he did not recognize riding a frantic pace toward Revelstone.
"What is this?!?! Why have you brought me here?!?! Haven't I done enough harm already?"

And as if nothing happened, as if he never left the safety and comfort of his cotton sheets, Covenant found himself once again in his bed. The only reminder that what he had experienced was real was the lingering sense of formication he felt while he rubbed his dead hands together.

Too tired to do anything but fall asleep, Covenant relapsed into a troubled slumber.

It was not long before he was awakened once again by a sound in the hallway.
"Hellfire and bloody damnation! Can't a man get any sleep around here?!?!"
The door to his bedroom opened slowly to reveal a man with a kind face and a hooked nose standing at the end of the hallway. By some trick of the moonlight, Covenant appeared to see flecks of gold in the specter's eyes.
"I am the ghost of the Land yet to come!" the specter announced.
Covenant's reply was both disinterested and annoyed. "Why are you here? I am dead in the Land, remember?"
"Dead you may be, but not ineffectual. Come. There is much I mean to show you"

Covenant felt the formication of Mhoram's touch as the puissance put forth whisked him away into the neverness between worlds.

Runes spoiler
Spoiler
Below him the vast expanse of the Land appeared as he was guided into the North. Here he laid eyes upon a great fire, burning relentlessly and engulfing all in its path. "Joan did this" explained Mhoram's ghost. "With her ring, she has formed living affronts to Time itself!
One of her creations, a caesure unlike any other, rearranged time itself in this region, thus undoing the millenia-long interdiction of the Appointed Elohim. You may remember him--tales were told during your time in the Land. He is Kastenessen, and is now free to enact his revenge upon the Heart of the Earth."
"No! That can't be! He was Appointed! He has no choice!"
With dull, tired eyes, the specter looked into Covenant's bleak face. "Much that was once impossible has become possible. The world is not what it was."

Turning away, Mhoram's specter once again guided him through the North, where Covenant saw great beasts of fire devouring land as if
it were just so much dirt. He saw the snows of the highest peaks of the Northron climbs melt and converge into floodwaters that targeted the Land from Revelstone to Coercri. He saw Linden Avery fighting on the side of Lord Foul the Despiser. He was
shown his own son with a glowing emerald shard in his hand, turning the fire-beasts to his will.
And all the while, he heard Foul laughing.

"This is too much! Why are you doing this to me? How much more do you think I can take?"

"Ahh, Ur-lord. There is much that I wish to tell you. But knowledge unearned does harm to the bearer. Only this am I allowed to reveal:
Failure is not always what it seems. Remember that all ends are also new beginnings, even though the end is not what we would have desired."

"Take me home. I have to get ready."

__________________________________________________________________

Reese: "Listen! And understand. That Foulinator is out there! It can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with!
It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. EVER! Until you are dead!"
Covenant: "Can we stop it?"
Image

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want
to test a man's character, give him power.
--Abraham Lincoln

Excerpt from Animal Songs Never Written
"Hey, dad," croaked the vulture, "what are you eating?"
"Carrion, my wayward son."
"Will there be pieces when you are done?"
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Post by ur-bane »

Well, the Terminator doesn't seem to be a good starting point....so...I'll offer up another-- since, like Wayfriend, I like this game!

It was now three mornings since they had left their father's house. They began to walk again, but they always came deeper into the forest, and if help did not come soon, they must die of hunger and weariness. When it was mid-day, they saw a beautiful snow-white bird sitting on a bough, which sang so delightfully that they stood still and listened to it. And when its song was over, it spread its wings and flew away before them, and they followed it until they reached a little house, on the roof of which it alighted; and when they approached the little house they saw that it was built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar. "We will set to work on that," said Covenant, "and have a good meal. I will eat a bit of the roof, and you Linden, can eat some of the window, it will taste sweet." Covenant reached up above, and broke off a little of the roof to try how it tasted, and Linden leant against the window and nibbled at the panes. Then a soft voice cried from the parlor:

"Nibble, nibble, gnaw,
Who is nibbling at my little house?"
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Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want
to test a man's character, give him power.
--Abraham Lincoln

Excerpt from Animal Songs Never Written
"Hey, dad," croaked the vulture, "what are you eating?"
"Carrion, my wayward son."
"Will there be pieces when you are done?"
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

ur-bane wrote: It was now three mornings since they had left their father's house. They began to walk again, but they always came deeper into the forest, and if help did not come soon, they must die of hunger and weariness. When it was mid-day, they saw a beautiful snow-white bird sitting on a bough, which sang so delightfully that they stood still and listened to it. And when its song was over, it spread its wings and flew away before them, and they followed it until they reached a little house, on the roof of which it alighted; and when they approached the little house they saw that it was built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar. "We will set to work on that," said Covenant, "and have a good meal. I will eat a bit of the roof, and you Linden, can eat some of the window, it will taste sweet." Covenant reached up above, and broke off a little of the roof to try how it tasted, and Linden leant against the window and nibbled at the panes. Then a soft voice cried from the parlor:

"Nibble, nibble, gnaw,
Who is nibbling at my little house?"
Covenant's retort was a bolt that sizzled the air like frying
meat. Power fierce enough to blow off the crown of a mountain
sprang at haggard old witch as she came out the front door, raging for her immolation.

Blast after blast, faster and faster. Enough white power to
bring the old hag down in rubble, cast her off her doorstep
into the ruinous embrace of her sinister oven. Enough to leave
the forest they were walking in itself into ash and cinders. Enough to shatter the center arch of the candy house. All Covenant's hunger and lust for treats were multiplied and channeled by the argent ring. He struck and struck, the unanswerable knell of his hunger adumbrating through
the forest until Linden's mind reeled and her life almost
stopped, unable to support the magnitude of his hunger. She
clung to Covenant's body as if it were her last anchor and
fought to endure and stay sane while he ripped
down the essential definition of an evil child eating witch and left her ashes on the ground.

"Linden." His emanations were soft and kind; but she felt
their urgency growing. Chocolate, marshmallows, cookies and candies lay scattered in a mixed state of heat and cold. "Try to think. I can't remember how to do it myself. I know it's hard—after what you've been through. But try. I need you to make me some S'mores."


*****************************

"You want some fries with that?" TC asked to the old man in a dirty ocher robe with pale blue eyes standing in front of the register.
He was mumbling, almost singing a dim nonsense tune "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce.."
His face was lifted to the ceiling and said "Yes": he seemed to be staring directly at the $1 menu.
The man made no gesture, did not shift his contemplation of the menu; but his voice altered, and one clear word broke out of the formless hum:
"Give."
"You have to pay first!" Covenant snapped.
"I have warned you." he replied "I want to speak to your manager now."
"Hellfire! Covenant yelled "No, old man. I quit!"
He had never before removed his white gold "employee of the month" name tag; despite his month being over, and his manager's constant teasing, he had kept the nametag pinned to his shirt pocket. It was an icon of himself. It reminded him of where he had been and where he was-of hamburgers made and sold, no register money lost, helpfulness-and lots of overtime. Now he tore it off his left breast pocket and dropped it in the bag of fries. "That's worth more than a dealing with you," he said, and stamped away.
"Why not destroy yourself?" the robed man said with a smirk.
A sense of pressure expanded in Covenant's chest, cramping his heart. The pale blue eyes were exerting some kind of peril over him. Anxiety tugged at him. He wanted to...
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/

[Defeated by a gizmo from Batman's utility belt]
Joker: I swear by all that's funny never to be taken in by that unconstitutional device again!


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Post by ur-bane »

I don't have a continuation at the moment, but I just wanted to *bump* this thread to say- absolutely great job, HLT! Beautifully done! :D
Image

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want
to test a man's character, give him power.
--Abraham Lincoln

Excerpt from Animal Songs Never Written
"Hey, dad," croaked the vulture, "what are you eating?"
"Carrion, my wayward son."
"Will there be pieces when you are done?"
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

ur-bane wrote:I don't have a continuation at the moment, but I just wanted to *bump* this thread to say- absolutely great job, HLT! Beautifully done! :D
Thank you!
This is one of my favorite threads.
I love writing silly stuff.
I wonder why so few have joined in.
I thought we had a lot of writers and imaginative members here.
And I agree with you ur-bane, I came up empty with the terminator one too.
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/

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Post by wayfriend »

At the moment, I'm prevented from replying because I don't recognize the allusion.
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

Wayfriend wrote:At the moment, I'm prevented from replying because I don't recognize the allusion.
"allusion"
Stop using words that I have to look up!
:lol:

I don't know.
I put TC in the position of a cashier at McDonalds waiting on the Old Man.
I tried to make it flow like it went in LFB.
But I made it ridiculous.
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/

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Post by wayfriend »

(Oh. I thought this was from a movie I didn't see or something.)
"You want some fries with that?" TC asked to the old man in a dirty ocher robe with pale blue eyes standing in front of the register.
He was mumbling, almost singing a dim nonsense tune "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce.."
His face was lifted to the ceiling and said "Yes": he seemed to be staring directly at the $1 menu.
The man made no gesture, did not shift his contemplation of the menu; but his voice altered, and one clear word broke out of the formless hum:
"Give."
"You have to pay first!" Covenant snapped.
"I have warned you." he replied "I want to speak to your manager now."
"Hellfire! Covenant yelled "No, old man. I quit!"
He had never before removed his white gold "employee of the month" name tag; despite his month being over, and his manager's constant teasing, he had kept the nametag pinned to his shirt pocket. It was an icon of himself. It reminded him of where he had been and where he was-of hamburgers made and sold, no register money lost, helpfulness-and lots of overtime. Now he tore it off his left breast pocket and dropped it in the bag of fries. "That's worth more than a dealing with you," he said, and stamped away.
"Why not destroy yourself?" the robed man said with a smirk.
A sense of pressure expanded in Covenant's chest, cramping his heart. The pale blue eyes were exerting some kind of peril over him. Anxiety tugged at him. He wanted to...
... go through those doors, go home, catch Oprah. But there was a line of high-school kids coming in, talking on cell phones, and he couldn't squeeze out. So he turned to the old man and said "Lost is on tonite."

His reply met no opposition, but still his trepidation grew. He feared that the manager would come out any minute, and chew him out; he recognized the various possible corrective actions of fast food franchise associates. "Look, old man, you need change for the bus? A lift to the overpass?"

As if Covenant had spoke a magic password, the old man brightened up. "Can you get me a job here?" he asked. He extended the bag of fries, grabbed a bunch, and popped them in his foetid maw; the badge jutted forth like a bastion of self-esteem.

The old man jabbed the fries at him until Covenant took his badge back and replaced it on his uniform pocket.

Covenant said "Everyone can speak to the manager. But I can put in a word for you. You still have to fill that application in, though."

"That is as it may be."

For a while, Covenant stood where he was and tried to think of a course of action. Absently, he looked up at the glowing menu to the meal deals. They were all some sort of burger combo, compelling but absurdly fattening. They gave him an idea. Casting a silent curse at them, he started down the hallway to the restrooms and the employee door. He had decided that the old man might work out at the fryalator.

But when he turned to see if the old man was following him, there was no one but those high school kids, ordering things without onions.

- - - - - - - - - - -

(BTW, I think that the openers need to be shorter, just a set-up, and leave the creative Covenant stuff for the person who responds.)

"The princess?" Luke blurted out. "She's here?"

Covenant looked up, startled. "Princess? What's going on?"

Threepio droned, "Level five. Detention block A A-twenty-three." Then he added sadly, "I'm afraid she's scheduled to be terminated."

"Oh no! We've got to do something," Luke responded.
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Post by High Lord Tolkien »

I would have made Lord Foul the McDonald's manager and had some fun.
:lol:
https://thoolah.blogspot.com/

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Post by Sunbaneglasses »

The princess?" Luke blurted out. "She's here?"

Covenant looked up, startled. "Princess? What's going on?"

Threepio droned, "Level five. Detention block A A-twenty-three." Then he added sadly, "I'm afraid she's scheduled to be terminated."

"Oh no! We've got to do something," Luke responded.

"Hellfire and bloody damnation!Do younot even know what a leper is?"exclaimed Covenant.

"Well if your going to have another one of your self pity fits I guess I'll just have to rescue the princess myself."Scowled Luke





How are you enjoying your first day as a Wal-Mart doorgreater Thomas?
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Post by Prom_STar »

Thomas Covenant meets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris: 1
Covenant: dead
Was auch immer komm, dieses weiß ich für sicher:
Ich bin zurückgekauft.

Wenn Diamanten reichlich war, würden sie keinen Wert haben. Echter Wert kommt nich aus schönheit--er kommt aus seltenheit.
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Post by Kerb »

In a blink of the eye, the sharp pain of the kick was gone.

TC sees a wondrous vision of a beautiful Chinese landscape.

A Zen garden sharpens into view, with a Shaolin temple nearby.

"Strictly speaking, Zen garden is Japanese, but here we practice the Chinese form, Chan.", wispers an old master, with thin beard. He radiates wisdom and compassion.

Master bows.

"Where am I?", TC asks.

"Here." came the reply.

"Are you satisfied with the Here and Now?" Master continues, asking almost rhetorically.

TC: "Don't. I am a leper."

Master: "As long as you define yourself as a leper, that all you will be."

Master (continuing, after a pause): "Would you like to be free from suffering? To be enlightened?"

Master (using clairvoyant powers): "Would you like to be free from experiencing fairy tales over and over again?"

Master: "Ah Karma propels you. Numerous lifetimes ago, you struck a leper when he cried out for even for your scraps from the kitchen table. You struck him, and you were wearing a white gold ring at the time."

Master: "Ah I was bored of teaching and went on a busman's holiday, wanted a job at the chip shop. Almost got that badge. To serve students of school, after they have had their lessons."

Master: "All you have to do is to tune in, turn on, and drop in here."

Master: "Will you do that?"

TC: "I dont believe it! I am dreaming!"

Master:"Life is like a long dream. Let me teach you Zen and you will be happy. Man change your suit for the saffron robe, and offer the ring as an offering, and you will be instantly redeemed."

TC: "No! I am dreaming!"

A nun comes to offer tea. She looks just like Linden.

Nun: "Would you like some tea?"

TC: "Linden..."

... there

... is a tea break

... where time stands still and strecthes to eternity. Everything is comfortable, refreshing, perfect, a mild happiness and bliss pervades the air...

...

... (more tea, Thomas?)

...

... (there's nothing like a good cup of tea?)

...

...

Master: "I feel a stirring in the air, from afar. A whirlwind comes upon us. We are to be blown to where our next life be. We will all die. Life is impermanent. Face the end with calmness, for it is not really the end, for you can never destroys the five skandas, only that they are rearranged. The less karma that blows you about, the better. Let us meditate. Thomas, hold our hands."

They hold hands in a circle, TC feels calms as Master's aura envelop the group.

Suddenly , their bodies feels hot and cold at the same time, as though dunked into ice, and there is a vast whiteness, but there is little pain, for Master's aura protects them...

... for another eternity

...not bad but not as good as that tea party...

...

Now TC is all alone, and a new landscape appear...

There is a gentle rolling grassy landscape, rabbits are chewing the grass. In the background is a kind of windmill, and a dome is nearby.

Pop! Out jumps 4 Teletubbies.

"Eh-Oh!" greets a green one with a straight rod on his head...
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Post by Linna Heartbooger »

*bump* because I discovered this thread exists and its hilarious.

Looks like there's at least two scenarios not yet used:
ur-bane wrote:Reese: "Listen! And understand. That Foulinator is out there! It can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with!
It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. EVER! Until you are dead!"
Covenant: "Can we stop it?"
Sunbaneglasses wrote:How are you enjoying your first day as a Wal-Mart doorgreater Thomas?
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Post by michaelm »

ur-bane wrote:Reese: "Listen! And understand. That Foulinator is out there! It can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with!
It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. EVER! Until you are dead!"
Covenant: "Can we stop it?"
Continuing this theme...

The Foulinator: I'm a friend of Linden Avery. I was told she was here. Could I see her please?
Covenant: No, you can't see her she's healing The Land.
The Foulinator: Where is she?
Covenant: It may take a while. Want to wait? There's millennia of gnawing your despite in obscurity over there.
[points to bench]
The Foulinator: [looks around, examining the structural integrity of The Land, then looks back at him] I'll be back!
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Post by wayfriend »

( michaelm, you have to finish one, and then start a new one, I think. )
Sunbaneglasses wrote:How are you enjoying your first day as a Wal-Mart doorgreater Thomas?
Well ...
-- Hi. Welcome to Walmart. Don't touch me.
... this isn't what I had in mind ...
-- Welcome to Walmart. Don't touch me.
... when I applied for a job.
-- Hello. Welcome to Walmart. Restrooms? Over there. Don't touch me.
Any chance I can work a register soon?
-- Welcome to Walmart. Don't touch me.

- - - - - - - - - -

Covenant: Hello Marion.

Marion: [laughs] Thomas Covenant! Always knew someday you'd come walking back through my door.

Covenant: I need one of the pieces your father collected.

[Marion punches him in the jaw]
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Post by sgt.null »

Local Man Goes Mad - Buys 76 Pairs Of Gloves That Don't Fit

Written by Roy Downs

Topics: Local, Thomas Covenant, gloves

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Albuquerque - Local man, Thomas Covenant, a current Albuquerque resident and unemployed novelist, today apparently went a bit mad, following a sudden rush of blood to the head, and went on a shopping trip he could ill afford, returning three hours later with seventy six pairs of gloves that don't fit him.

Long suffering wife, Joan, a keen taxidermist, could only look on in amazement as Covenant arrived back at the family residence with the seventy six pairs of gloves in three taxis.

"He told me that when he got to the taxi rank in town, he couldn't fit all his shopping into the one taxi, so he got two extra taxis to follow the first taxi with the rest of the gloves," Joan explained.

Further investigations revealed that Thomas Covenant - formerly a 10 finger glove wearer - had bought the seventy six pairs of gloves, each having ten fingers.

One neighbour, who witnessed Thomas Covenant showing off his glove haul, described how Thomas Covenant had purchased a diverse color collection of hand wear, including almond, olive, charcoal, citron, daffodil, emerald, glitter, asparagus, jasmine, brick, licorice, bisque, onyx, burgundy, champagne, denim, indigo, ochre, olive, mulberry, amethyst, ivory, lemon, bronze, gunmetal, artichoke, lavender, blush, lilac, drab, auburn, bone, ecru, grape, cherry, coral, mint, peach, peridot, persimmon, dandelion, eggplant, pink, prune, quartz, apricot, periwinkle, ruby, rust, brass, mauve, platinum, magnolia, raspberry, sage, pistachio, russett, sapphire, tangerine, puce, amber, eggshell, pumpkin, copper, jade, pear, saffron, scarlet, sepia, grey, mustard, plum, purple, rose, sand, avocado and three cases of strong (and cheap) Mexican beer.

Upon returning home and unpacking his handful, Thomas Covenant opened a can of cheap Mexican beer, ate a piece of cod, belched, farted, and smiled at his long suffering wife and confused neighbors before announcing that he was going for a nap.

"He seemed alright this morning," a puzzled Joan told reporters.

"Sometimes it can be a tad difficult to assess his moods, but I really fail to understand why he would buy seventy six pairs of gloves that won't fit him. I mean, some of the gloves are quite nice, but it all seems a bit pointless if they don't fit. I know that for some obscure reason he thinks the number seventy six is somehow hilarious, so that probably explains why he bought seventy six pairs of gloves. But why he spent three thousand two hundred and seventy six dollars and seventy six cents on gloves that don't fit him is anybody's guess. At the end of the day, I can only conclude that it's because he really is a daft bastard."

Albuquerque Constabulary are reported to be keeping a watchful eye on Covenant.

More as we get it.
Lenin, Marx
Marx, Lennon
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The Covenant in ridiculous situations game.

Post by sgt.null »

RESTRICTED POINT

NO UNAPPROVED INMATES BEYOND THIS GATE

RESTROOMS BREAKS ARE TO BE MONITORED
1 INMATE AT A TIME
Lenin, Marx
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Good Dog...
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