Loremaster's Reviews ***warning: spoilers***

[Loredoctor]

Okay, I received The Kevinswatch Anthology 2006 today. I started reading it, but not in order (as in print order), as I tend to jump about with short stories. Anyway, I wont rate stories, as I hate doing that to people.

Anyway, I read Thule of the Quill by aTOMic today! So my first review is regarding this story.

There is alot I like about this story. The opening sequence works exceptionally well. Actually, it hits you hard and pulls you along. By the time I checked (pages), I was well into the story. The characters are very interesting, especially Thule. To be honest, his character surprised me and I could not help but fall into his view point. How apt, to have a story about magic and the morals of its use and to have a mere scribe act as our viewpoint; in comparison, the actions of Argus, Darius and Cassandra (even Sorrus), stand great indeed. It's actually very clever, and it works to great effect. At one point I was criticising the way he handled the battle, because it seemed 'myopic', but Thule being the vehicle of the writer it makes sense for him to be caught up in the events and portray what matters to him, not what matters to a general or high wizard. One has a sense of experiencing the focused-view of Thule as he stands on the hill and tries to get a grip on what's happening around him.

Possibly, the enemy could have had more description, as I was fascinated by them, but again, we're dealing with 'one scribe's view from a hill'. The Tower was excellent - actually, I found it fascinating!

Darius remains my favourite element. I think the revelation regarding this character was handled well and it meant that the ending made sense. I don't like Deus Ex Machine resolutions in fantasy - it weakens characters, and magic itself, but the ending in Thule of the Quill related to 'events' earlier on in the story. Thus it was tied up nicely. I should also add that Darius gave the story emotive weight and the ending was much more powerful because of it.

The descriptive style is very good. The opening sequence in the forest is handled very well, but the valley itself may have needed some more description. There were some great lines: 'rhythmic rattle of tack and weapons', ''thousands of serpents forced to walk erect' among many. And the style is largely consistent. Good stuff.

Thankyou, Mr Cummins. A great tale (if a little short).

[hierachy]

Good review, LM!

Personally, my favourite part was

Spoiler

After the party had just arrived and sees how immensly outnumbered their army is. And then when Cassandra deals with the first few attacks before she gets killed

[aTOMiC]

Thanks for the review, LM. It’s very nice to get a writer/reader's perspective. You make an observation that I was conscious of as I was writing Thule. The story wanted to be longer and have more depth. I deliberately condensed the story so that, if my submission was selected, there would be plenty of room for other stories to be included in the Anthology. Turns out I had more elbow room than I anticipated. I have a better idea about such things for the next Anthology. I plan a novel length version of Thule but who knows if I’ll manage to find the time.

[dANdeLION]

Thule On The Hill:

Day after day, alone on the hill,
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still.
But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool.
And he never gives an answer .....

But the Thule of the Quill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.

Well on his way, his head in a cloud,
The man of a thousand voices, talking perfectly loud.
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make.
And he never seems to notice .....

But the Thule of the Quill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around.

And nobody seems to like him,
They can tell what he wants to do.
And he never shows his feelings,

But the Thule of the Quill,
Sees the sun going down.
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning around

[Loredoctor]

Okay, today I read Epitaph by Jelerak and A New Life by Tulizar. However, my review of Tulizar's story will have to wait as it's late (I need some time to write a full review).

Anyway, Epitaph. What can I say regarding the Anthology? The standard is very high. Jelerak's poem is excellent. It has a nice melancholy feel to it, and it's rather beautiful. And the structure works very well. His handling of poetry is great.

Well done, Jelerak.

[Dragonlily]

Anyway, I read Thule of the Quill by aTOMic today! So my first review is regarding this story.

There is alot I like about this story. The opening sequence works exceptionally well. Actually, it hits you hard and pulls you along.

That opening is the reason I set that story first in the book... so readers would plunge in with it.

[Loredoctor]

Anyway, I read Thule of the Quill by aTOMic today! So my first review is regarding this story.

There is alot I like about this story. The opening sequence works exceptionally well. Actually, it hits you hard and pulls you along.

That opening is the reason I set that story first in the book... so readers would plunge in with it.

Good choice, Dragonlily.

[duchess of malfi]

I really like how aTOMic managed to get in enough backstory so everything made sense, without clubbing the reader over the head with a huge info dump, the way even some professional writers do.

I am lucky enough to have his short story collection. Very enjoyable.

[jelerak]

Wow...thanks LM...

Even though I have received my copies, unfortunately I have yet to get a chance to read any entries as of yet.

Seriously, great comments...thanks.

[Loredoctor]

Okay, sorry for the wait, everyone - here is my review of Tulizar's A New Life.

This story really grabs you from the start. Who is the narrator? What is he? What is The Pain? What happened in his past? I love a story which starts with a mystery like this. Tulizar's story works well because this aspect fits its nature. We have a gritty, dark setting full of mystery - a city where one can't trust what is around the corner. Kind of like some dark warren. Rather good!

I love the atmosphere. Though it reminds me of a vampire tale, there's enough uniqueness about the powers of the main character and his kin that makes it different. Having said that, at times I found it difficult to place what exactly he was, but given the nature of the story I suppose it's not an issue.

I like the narrator and felt genuine pity for him. There was an interesting contrast between his powers and the sheer powerlessness he felt regarding The Pain. In fact, he is a really tragic figure (note the ending).

The Pain was great, but there could have been more description about it. Yet, I suppose it suited the tale. ButI would have liked some more detail.

The writing is clear, descriptive and just oozes atmosphere. Tulizar would make a great horror writer. There are some confusions - not grammatical, just descriptive (for instance, at the start regarding the drunks and the 4WD), but that's minor.

Now, the revelation at the end! Unexpected and what a twist! What a way to end the story! Loved that. LOVED IT.

Well done, Mr Hamilton.

Next review - Dr Donez!

[Tulizar]

Thanks Loremaster. I appreciate the critique and am happy you liked the story!

The Pain was literally a pain to me--I wasn't sure how much of him to include. Was he mysterious enough? A true badass? Did he get his point across? I suppose a little more of It wouldn't have hurt!

[Loredoctor]

Thanks Loremaster. I appreciate the critique and am happy you liked the story!

The Pain was literally a pain to me--I wasn't sure how much of him to include. Was he mysterious enough? A true badass? Did he get his point across? I suppose a little more of It wouldn't have hurt!

The Pain works because he is vague, but the description could have been fleshed out a bit more. Still, that's a minor criticism.

Okay, sorry for the delay in reviews but life has been comfortably diverting.

[Loredoctor]

Dr Donez by Kevinswatch.

I read this story very quickly some weeks back - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to review it, but life has been interesting - and really enjoyed it. It's very funny. Actually, I laughed out loud on the train at one part. Dr Donez is a very funny and interesting character, and it was clever of Jay to allow us to sit in his 'mind'.

The writing style really suits the nature of the story, and it flows well (apart from the ending).

Now, I have one criticism of the story. I think the two 'superhero' characters detract the bizarre nature of Donez. Dr Donez works so well because he's eccentric and dangerous. Having him against an 'ordinary' world makes him shine, but as soon as we are introduced to 'Cameraman' and 'News-Anchorman' it seems his weirdness is diluted somewhat. Don't get me wrong, it's clever of Jay to introduce these characters (and funny), but as I said, it affects my perception of Dr Donez.

Anyway, the story did what Jay wanted it to do - made me laugh.

Well done, Jay.

[Loredoctor]

Ghostblood by Xar.

I have to say that Xar's world building skills are impressive. The kingdom of Mathklyr seems almost fully fleshed out, so it becomes believable and thus gives weight to the story and characters. I say 'almost', because I would have liked to have been given more detail of the realm - such as architectural, economic and geographical descriptions - but given that it's a novella, one can't really expect everything. But what Xar has written about is excellent. Like Avatar, I love world building, and I am impressed by what he has constructed; it has left me wanting more.

Thematically, the novella works very well. It was clever to handle one of the two themes in each of the main characters, and then to bring the themes together at the end. I love themes in stories, and I especially loved the 'mummification of an empire' idea. I am not sure about the fate theme, as it's rather a common one in fantasy. However, it's handled very well.

Positives aside, there a couple of things I wasn't sure about in the story. First, I really enjoyed Alric's story - the Warshifters Academy was simply marvellous - but less so Elis'. However, her story really shines at the end (Triumph and Hand of Fate sections). Perhaps it's just personal, but I wasn't as excited when she reached Ellemere (though marvellous writing at that point). Second, some of the passages confused me - the part where Alric manipulates events and some students and a lover die - it just wasn't clear (to me).

Finally, I am sure Xar has plans or is already writing this story as part of a full novel, but the story seemed a bit short. The ending left me wanting more. That's not really a criticism, but a compliment. Given the restrictions for anthology submission, what can he do!

Great stuff, Pier!

[Dragonlily]

the 'mummification of an empire' idea.

Well put, Lore.

Finally, I am sure Xar has plans or is already writing this story as part of a full novel, but the story seemed a bit short. The ending left me wanting more.

Xar is laughing his head off right now.

You are right, he is working on a book set in this world, arranged to cover many of its different facets. (Oops, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'll leave him to talk about it.)

[Xar]

Ghostblood by Xar.

I have to say that Xar's world building skills are impressive. The kingdom of Mathklyr seems almost fully fleshed out, so it becomes believable and thus gives weight to the story and characters. I say 'almost', because I would have liked to have been given more detail of the realm - such as architectural, economic and geographical descriptions - but given that it's a novella, one can't really expect everything. But what Xar has written about is excellent. Like Avatar, I love world building, and I am impressed by what he has constructed; it has left me wanting more.

Thematically, the novella works very well. It was clever to handle one of the two themes in each of the main characters, and then to bring the themes together at the end. I love themes in stories, and I especially loved the 'mummification of an empire' idea. I am not sure about the fate theme, as it's rather a common one in fantasy. However, it's handled very well.

Positives aside, there a couple of things I wasn't sure about in the story. First, I really enjoyed Alric's story - the Warshifters Academy was simply marvellous - but less so Elis'. However, her story really shines at the end (Triumph and Hand of Fate sections). Perhaps it's just personal, but I wasn't as excited when she reached Ellemere (though marvellous writing at that point). Second, some of the passages confused me - the part where Alric manipulates events and some students and a lover die - it just wasn't clear (to me).

Finally, I am sure Xar has plans or is already writing this story as part of a full novel, but the story seemed a bit short. The ending left me wanting more. That's not really a criticism, but a compliment. Given the restrictions for anthology submission, what can he do!

Great stuff, Pier!

I'm glad to know you enjoyed Ghostblood, Lore

As for fleshing out Mathklyr - I have more stuff on Mathklyr than the material I have placed in Ghostblood, but even when writing the first draft of the story, I realized I couldn't go too much into detail in some areas, for two main reasons: 1) I didn't want the story to lag too much, and I recognize that many people might not be as interested in, say, Mathklyr's architectural style as you or I might be; and 2) since the story is told by the point of view of two natives of Mathklyr, they would likely see no reason to describe things that are common knowledge to them.

As for the part where Alric manipulates events for the first time at the Warshifters Academy... His plan was:

Spoiler

The target student is hot-headed and impulsive, and genuinely in love with that woman. I plan to use that against him. I persuade the woman to come to the usual rendez-vous point with a letter she believes is from the target. Then a bribed guard implies to the target that a woman is standing at the rendez-vous point with another student. There are always students who sneak out of the Academy at night, and this night is no exception. The hot-headed student assumes that: 1) The woman is his beloved and 2) the other student is Student X, whom we know is out of the Academy tonight. Therefore, the target flies into a rage, goes to the woman and finds her alone. He assumes the other student fled at his approach, and demands explanations from the woman. She shows him the forged letter. He knows he didn't send it, recognizes that is not his own handwriting, and assumes the woman is trying to fool him to cover for her own unfaithfulness. The target snaps and slays her... and the rest is history.

As for the size of the story... well, originally it was much longer, but most of that was unnecessary, so during the editing process it was cut out. It was always my intention to write the story as a "prologue" of sorts: setting the stage for the larger story that should pick up where Ghostblood leaves off. However, I had no definite plans to write that story at the time; I just felt that was the right ending for Ghostblood, and I was glad it coincidentally would leave the door open for a sequel, if and when I wanted to write it.

Thus far, I've written five stories set in the world of Ghostblood, each of them focusing on different topics, lands, and themes, and none of them sharing characters with any other. For example, the story I wrote after Ghostblood, which is titled The North Star, was set in the southern lands of the centaurs and focuses on the search for the hidden past of the world. The story I'm currently writing - which, if good and short enough, I'll probably submit for the next anthology - is set in yet another realm and deals with world-building itself.

As Joy said, though, I do have plans for one or more full-fledged novels set in Ghostblood's world; in fact, I have ideas for at least a standalone book and an unrelated series, not including the possible Ghostblood sequel. Right now I'm collecting these ideas, and as soon as I'll have a detailed enough outline, I'll very likely start work on these books in earnest. In the meantime, I'll have more short stories coming out, and it might well be that one will revisit Mathklyr, although I can't tell yet whether it will be set before or after the events of Ghostblood.

In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed the story I have yet to read the Anthology, since I've been swamped with work lately, but rest assured I'll soon give my own review of your own story

[Loredoctor]

Best in Show - Aliantha.

To be succint: this is a fascinating and original story that held my attention for every single word. I can't comment on the writing without expressing my praise. Aliantha has a real talent for expressing emotion in the sentences, so that you feel for the characters. I love that.

I particularly enjoyed the twist, however it was unresolved; but then again, due to the genre, that's not really a criticism. It left me with goosebumps.

Despite the limitations of the short story length, Aliantha really manages to bring in some realistic character development. After all that Marcy goes through, I couldn't supress a smile (and a tear) with the ending. That was great.

Jen was great, by the way.

[Dragonlily]

Nicely done, Loremaster, and I agree with you all the way.