I had one two but the legs fell off

(fart)

A bit more choke and you might get that started.

Ouchy 😬 Unfortunately you have an enraged spouse inflicting the truly worst conceivable violent violation of your colon imaginable 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😭😭😭😭😭 :LOLS: :hairs: Oh my God, what a horrible horrible thought lol. The imagery in this thread is definitely the most vivid anywhere on the forum... Fortunatel...

Damn, and there was me thinking somebody was going to type 'arcane' lol.

In that case I've got no alternative but to resort to the alternative spelling of 'cetera' from et cetera.

Caetera

Oh, that joke was christmas cracker good!

Speaking of such things:

Do you like christmas?
Well pull this, it's a cracker!

Rebuffed

A hint? I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. It's been about eighteen years since that kind of monolithic intervention would have made any sense.

Bewilder

Who put the nag in the nagging old hag and the rag bag sag in the saggy rag bag?

Very Noisy Stuff Your Parents Will Hate

I know somebody who could use a night out taking in a show 1 - Antikythera mechanism (preset for a solstice of your choice) 2 - A hat full of gold 3 - A really big hat filled with another Antikythera mechanism (preset for a solstice of your choice) and loads more gold under that than there is inside...

l'm sorry, Dave. l'm afraid l can't do that.

Poltergeist

Are you sure they're here? That television set hasn't worked properly for years.

EDIT: Yeah, sorry - that's not a line from a film. That's a joke about the line "They're here" from the movie Poltergeist.

obfuscate

eschewed

MA-NA MA-NA!

(If they don't instinctively reply "duh-daa, duh-daa-duh" forget it. They're not human. Don't waste your time chatting them up.)

arctan

Fortunately, the 150 lbs of impacted sausage meat has turned zombie and materialises again, firmly embedded in your sadly overworked colon. This is fortunate because it protects the rest of your vital organs from the worst effects of the horrific violence your enraged spouse inflicts on you. (Sorry ...

Jovial though I may be, your repeated requests for homework anger me somewhat. I am nearly half a century old now and you really have to let this go. It was one assignment and I was in hospital having my tonsils removed. I left school over three decades ago. You've been retired for 20 years and you ...