How Do You Feel Today? v4

[Menolly]

Love and Light, Cag.
We're here to listen.

[StevieG]

Cags, I don't know what to say. I'm with you mate, I'm here to listen too - I hope you will start up a blog or something. Vent away. Write it all down if you want, I'll read every word.

[SoulBiter]

Well crap. That makes anything I have complained about my entire life seem inconsequential at best. I wish there was something that I could say or do that would make all of that at least seem better. Its not happening to me and I cant even process it.

I had an entire paragraph of stuff written but on the re-read it just seemed condescending to someone who just got this kind of news. So instead I am going to offer you my good thoughts, my prayers, and a open ear.

Like SD, I'm a big believer in staying positive, and with a good sense of humour, trust you will weather the storm.

100% agree with the above quoted.

[Damelon]

Ugh. Cags, Hang in there in there while they track down the source, and when they track it down, learn what you can about the specific source. When they do, there should be a message board that you can join where you can get advice from people sharing your journey.

Feel free to speak out. We will listen.

D.

[Sorus]

Cags, I don't know what to say. I'm with you mate, I'm here to listen too - I hope you will start up a blog or something. Vent away. Write it all down if you want, I'll read every word.

What Stevie said. I'm bad at giving advice because I'm the kind of person who withdraws and doesn't like to talk about medical stuff, and I can also say that it's definitely better to vent about it. Venting is good.

[caamora]

Oh, Cag, I'm so sorry to hear this.

We are here for you so use that keyboard whenever you want to talk to someone.

We will all be listening and supporting you in any way we can.

[danlo]

Cags! My man...you are SO loved! Hang in there, do what ever you can...drown yourself in THC, something. We are always here for you and your fam...

"There is no doom so black or deep that courage and clear sight may not find another truth beyond it." SRD You are in, of, are the light! Stay strong

[Cameraman Jenn]

Cag, you are my identical twin bro separated at birth and I love you and you should take it as a good sign that you got Danlo to come back to the watch. Go listen to Mr Morton, say "mama" and laugh. And then you will know that we are all in this with you and we will all get through this together. Tom, Leslie and I will be here for you whatever you need especially if it's pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Oh shit! I think I just felt a ghost of Damelon hitting me with his hat again for being an annoying pain in the ass.....

[Avatar]

Damn, you know things have reached a pretty pass when Danlo pitches up again...

Nice to see you're still alive at least man.

--A

[Cagliostro]

Awww...you fuckers are great. I really appreciate all the warmth you are sharing with me. I feel so undeserving. So many of you I've only met a handful of times in person, if even that, but we've created such a strange bond on a talky board thing. Out of all the crap things the internet is responsible for, it's nice to find the goodness in it in pockets. I've always been horrid at expressing sympathy, especially when I really mean it, and I think so highly of what you weirdos have offered. I loves y'all greatly.

This is going to be a long one, as I'm going to tell my recent story. I'm testing the patience of all of you who said they are going to read what I have to say.
As I ready to get an endoscopy tomorrow (which I just had in September), I'm waiting to see how much more is going on in my body I didn't know about. I'd been feeling fine up until September when I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy (went in both ends and met in the middle). I started having some major abdominal pain to the point where I wondered if I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER a couple of times just to rule it out, and heart problems were ruled out right away and blood work came back just fine for everything. The first time that happened was in December after having 2 beers with a friend. The second time I'm not even sure what I had. But that second time, I went to an Urgent Care by a hospital, and the guy said the blood work looked fine, and said if I had cancer or leukemia, my white blood cell count would be through the roof. They said to go to the ER there and scan for gall bladder problems. There was no problem from the gall bladder, and they kept running tests. Every few minutes, someone else would come in and haul me away somewhere. They found something odd about the liver, and it didn't sound too serious until I was about to go. They said I needed a liver biopsy and to get with my general practitioner about getting this set up and for them to take this in hand. I went to my GP right away, and it was kinda blown off by her and she was sending me to a gastro doctor because I said it started after the procedures in September, which I didn't understand. When I told the new doc that I was trying to schedule a liver biopsy, he looked at first blindsided, and then pissed, and ran off to find out what the hell was going on. He called around and I waited and waited in his office, and he got a liver biopsy scheduled right away. It took a few weeks to get in to see him.
After the biopsy, it came back inconclusive, so they sent it somewhere else. I was also given a cancer doctor to do some checking. I went to him and he got a PET scan scheduled, and the biopsy came back again inconclusive, but I was told that we'd want to schedule another. I talked with the cancer doc who did a blood draw, and I got the PET scan done. I talked with the cancer doc who said that the blood work looked fine, but the PET scan looked bad, with lots of areas lighting up for cancer. We needed another biopsy of one of the organs showing, and it was left to the IR doc, who decided on the liver again. I guess cancer was found and then the rounds of tests to figure out where it came from is where we are at now. The news has been completely blindsiding as everything seemed to mostly be ok with me, and docs couldn't find anything until they really started looking.
This is hell because since I turned 40, I've been willing to subject myself to several horrid things that doctors recommended just to make sure everything was cool. One of which was a cytoscope, because I was kinda tricked into it by me not wanting to ask too many questions, and a urologist who didn't speak too clearly about what she suggested we could try. It was a nightmare, and here is one person's hilarious but accurate story of what it was like.
I've also had neck biopsies that hurt like hell and feel like someone is jabbing a needle into your throat, which isn't too far off from what it is. This is how they failed to find thyroid cancer but took the thyroid anyway, and then found the small bit of cancer.
Two of the worst things I have endured in my life I get to revisit this week. I have a cytoscope planned for Monday and the biopsy Tuesday. The endoscopy tomorrow is a piece of cake, as I get to sleep through it and wake up with a little soreness in my throat.
Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up now, but I think this is probably a little preview of what my blog should be like, but I'll humor it up a bit more.
I don't want to totally take over this thread as I think the intent is for everyone to vent everyday frustrations.
So thank you again everyone, and I'll try to be around as long as possible. It all seems so surreal sometimes.

[Avatar]

I thought you said it was gonna be long?

You can always make a whole new thread for Cag's Venting if you want y'know...

Also, if you blog that shit, paragraph breaks.

Anyway, as long as you remain around as long as possible it's all good. Pretty much the most any of us can do anyway.

--A

[Iolanthe]

Just dropped in to ask how everyone was and saw Cag's post. We met, Cag in ABQ, was it 5 years ago? I was the silly old English woman. I'm thinking of you and will keep coming here to see how you are getting along.

Lockdown isn't too bad for us as we've been retired for several years now and are used to being at home a lot. C is now 72 and I will be 68 next month so we're being careful. So pleased to see posts from Jenn and Av. I've missed you all. Will try to come more often.

Oh, and after about 30 years I've taken up knitting again. So far made about 5 jumpers and have now started on summer cardigans. Fed up with all my old navy blue stuff so going for some lighter and brighter colours. And I've discovered audio books which I can listen to while I'm knitting. What fun

[Cameraman Jenn]

I read the article Cag posted the link for.... Oh my cagbro! How horrible.

[lucimay]

Yep what everybody else said Cag.
i'll be thinkin of ya and lighting my 3rd good mojo candle of the day for ya.
hugs

[Savor Dam]

I, too, clicked through and read the linked article. Having endured a Foley catheter for a week in 1992 (when I went from having a colon to only a semicolon), I had to cringe.

However, this bit near the end was agreeably true.

There is always whiskey...

[StevieG]

Nice to see you around Io and everyone else of course!

Hey Cag, that link was both horrific and hilarious at the same time. I found I was laughing most of the way through (but it was a sympathetic laugh...)

I don't have much experience, but it seems like 4 months from your first pain, to now, is a long time for doctors etc to actually find the cancer. Come to think of it, it took quite a while for my brother's to be discovered from the first symptoms, so maybe that's normal-ish.

[Cagliostro]

I, too, clicked through and read the linked article. Having endured a Foley catheter for a week in 1992 (when I went from having a colon to only a semicolon), I had to cringe.

What he left out is that you are told not to tense up or it will be worse. Thankfully I had been through birthing classes so I basically clutched my chest, tried to relax my penis, and just breathed through it. Those were some damn long 30 seconds. The doc was talking through it the whole way and said I could watch the screen if I wanted to. I think I managed a strangled "no........" to that suggestion. And then it was over. I don't remember the urine being that painful - just the greyish green color that came out made me extra uncomfortable. Think of when about 20 years ago when you'd mix all of the Paas egg dye together, and you'd get this horrible greenish ick color.
I was blissfully unaware of what I was getting into before I did it, so it all came as a horrible surprise. This time, I'll know exactly what I'm getting into, and will hate it.

And yes, Iolanthe, of course I remember you with great fondness. Glad to see you back for a visit!

Also, if you blog that shit, paragraph breaks.

I was up late and everything was coming out pretty disjointed. I wanted to give an edit pass to it, but I had to get my ass to bed. Now that I look at it, I was definitely rambling, with many bits cut here and there (mainly grumblings about doctors), and such.

So I had the endoscopy today. The nurses were weird, and led me to many confusing moments, but thankfully the doctor knew exactly what to do and put me at ease that he knew what was going on. The good news, I guess, is that it isn't primarily pancreatic or esophageal cancer, which I hear are very awful. Mainly it seemed to be lymph nodes in the area that maybe lit things up in the PET, and he didn't feel it was even worth puncturing the pancreas to get a biopsy, which in a small amount of cases can lead to internal bleeding that doesn't stop, so I am happy that was ruled out. I have a sore throat now, and am happyish about the result, other than that we still don't know.
Right now, the biggest suspects in the Batman Investigations is The Bladder and the return of Thyroid Cancer; a baddie I thought safely was in Arkham Asylum.

[Sorus]

The not knowing sucks, though it's good that they're ruling stuff out.

It took doctors six months to diagnose me with an autoimmune condition that my family has extensive history of, because they kept trying to insist that I didn't have nearly enough of the correct symptoms.

Your doctor seems competent, but I will say from personal experience that doctors don't always know as much as they think they know. Don't hesitate to argue or ask for a second opinion if something doesn't feel right. They have the training, but they aren't living in your body.

[Menolly]

Your doctor seems competent, but I will say from personal experience that doctors don't always know as much as they think they know. Don't hesitate to argue or ask for a second opinion if something doesn't feel right. They have the training, but they aren't living in your body.

^this^
Can not emphasize this enough.

[Avatar]

Io! 'Bout time you crawled out of the woodwork. Clearly more of us will have to get terrible medical conditions if we want MIA Watchers to come back huh?

Well, it's Friday, for what it's worth, although these days I think that's not much. Ah well...Ce la vie, right?

--A