In Memoriam: Cagliostro

[Cagliostro]

I've essentially already had a second opinion, so that's done.

Another rough week, and I had to finally admit it; my hair is falling out. So I'll be a slaphead soon. I had been seeing several more hairs lately in everything I do, and I took a shower on Thursday and the tub was just full of hair. In that nightmarish "all my teeth or whatever body party are falling away" type way. Even my beard seems to be shedding, and notice hairs on my plate while eating. It's awful. I'll probably take a razor to it this weekend.

Thanks again everyone for their well wishes, and I appreciate the sentiment, Seareach. I was raised the same way, although my family has totally turned that around since my diagnosis.

[peter]

Just a quick drop-in Cag to say hello and send you good wishes from this side of the pond.

The hair thing sounds like no fun at all my friend - no doubt a side-effect of the treatment and transitory in it's effect, but punishing all the same. Keep your spirits up and keep putting one foot in front of the other (easier to say than do, but important to make the attempt anyway).

Thinking of you.

Peter.

[Avatar]

Yeah, just jump the gun and shave it all now.

--A

[Khaliban]

But now you're ready for the Rattataki cosplay. All you need is goth clothing and tattoos.

[Gaius Octavius]

I've been away for a while and saw this thread.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

-Nano

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

I frankly don't know what to say... Many-many hugs to you!

[Skyweir]

I think that a shaved head is hot, though not all can pull it off

Cags however has pulled it off and looks great!

[Ur Dead]

Hope for the best...

[Avatar]

Wait, pics...

--A

[Skyweir]

Cags was at the google meet hook up we got to see the handsome dude in all his hairless glory

[Avatar]

Damn, still gutted I missed that one. Next time.

--A

[Cagliostro]

Sorry that I have let this go for the time being. It seems like a new adventure every week, and often time I just want to forget it and think of more positive things.

Suffice it to say that after all my life being able to say "no" when asked if I have any allergies to any medication, I will now have to add "chemotherapy" to that. Both types I have had allergic reactions to, but we are pushing ahead with this second one with steroids and Benadryl.

[sgt.null]

In our prayers Cags.

[peter]

Top man Cags! How long does each chemo session last?

Don't know if you are up to any gaming at present (hope so, because I know you enjoy it in easier times) but if so and you haven't yet tried it I absolutely recommend Ghost of Tsushima. It's a sort of Witcher cross Assassin's Creed in terms of it's gameplay, but the secondary quests are infinitely superior to the latter. Certainly I think, the best game released in many a year - months of deeply immersive playing in a beautifully rendered world.

For a guy I've never met on the other side of the world, you'd be surprised at how often you pop into my thoughts my friend!

Respect.

[Cagliostro]

Chemo lasts about 2-3 hours now. There is a blood draw at the beginning and then I go out in the lobby and wait about another 20-30 minutes for results. If they are good, then I'm brought in to be weighed and get blood pressure and oxygen levels and such, and then the pre-stuff to combat the chemo side effects. So some saline going, some anti-nausea stuff, and takes about 15 minutes or so, all through a drip stand into my port. The port was buried lightly under the skin, so they have to break the skin each time, which hurts a bit if I don't have my numbing agent fully working. The port runs into my jugular vein, and sometimes when they shoot a syringe of stuff, such as saline, to flush out my port or whatnot, I can taste a weird flavor in my mouth from it.

Lately they've added Benadryl to the mix to combat my allergy to chemo, so that comes next now. This knocked me out last time, and I expect will continue to do so.

Then comes the chemo. I have two bags now, and each takes 30 minutes. One is milky white which looks not too dissimilar to the jizz of my youth, although maybe not as thick, and the other is a clear liquid. Then I'm released.

I usually feel just fine during and after treatment, and often the rest of that evening and the following day. But the following evening, sometimes I start feeling pretty cold and may get chills, or I might be just fine, and then that night I sleep like garbage, waking up ever 30 minutes or so. I tend to fall right back to sleep again, but when it comes time to get up out of bed, my head is often splitting and I run a fever and chills. I'll get the fever down with acetaminophen and feel over warm for a while, and then I'll go back to chills and fever, on and on like that for the next couple days. And horrible body aches, usually in my legs. I'll start just to be feeling like myself again right before I go through it all again.

That's my new normal, for at least 3 more doses. This coming Tuesday is the start of the hopefully final cycle, so 3 weeks in a row, and then we do a PET scan, and see if things have improved. I've not been informed of any more options after this, so fingers crossed that this chemo is successful. I'm pretty nervous about the alternative, but hopefully I won't have to face that.

[peter]

That's an ordeal by any standards Cag. The docs would not be putting you through it if there wasn't good evidence that it would be efficacious in at least some degree. As to where the next (hopefully unnecessary) step would be - cross that bridge if and when it becomes necessary, but rest assured, there is always another avenue to be explored. This is the nature of medicine.

[Skyweir]

Wow yes that is an ordeal.

Fingers and toes crossed Cags that the PET scan will be all good.

[Avatar]

Same here man. Vasbyt.

--A

[Seareach]

[Cagliostro]

Tuesday was my final chemo treatment. Had a ER visit the Saturday before because my temperature was at 102.5. I am on antibiotics now until the end, and Monday I get the PET scan. Wednesday the 21st is the meeting with the doc and probably the scariest meeting in my life to determine my fate. I'm feeling hopeful though.
Today is my traditional bad day. Since I'm on antibiotics, I think it has made things better, but I still feel kinda awful. But the fever and chills isn't happening like it usually does. So that's something. I was able to get through my work day without having to rest. My tummy is in knots at the moment, but I think I might actually make it through the last treatment.
I don't honestly know if I could face any more chemo, at least without a break for a while. I still want to fight if I have to, but I cannot express how unbearable this has been. I've just been pushing through to this end. If I'm told I've got to do more chemo, I'm not sure how I'll react. Then again, give up or keep going? I was built to keep the fight going. But not if it is the kind of chemo that they warned could potentially shut down my kidneys.
With luck, I'll be in remission at this point and I could potentially have several years in me before I have to face this again. That's the hope I'm clinging to.
Anyway, thought I'd pass on where I'm at right now; maudlin, cold, and unbearably nervous. But hopeful. This shit better have been worth it.

Take care y'all.