Peace of Mind

[peter]

I'm in my mid sixties and as I approach, day by day, the inevitable end point, I realize that the one thing in life that is truly worth striving for is peace of mind.

When we are younger, we might see wealth, or power, or success in a field as being the be all and end all that should be worked toward - but at the end, nice as those things might be, they pale into insignificance against the one thing that has true value in terms of your inner self, peace of mind.

Now it goes without saying that I have never achieved it - haven't come close - or I would probably not need to make a posting such as this. I do wonder if however, there is a route by which it might be attained (albeit too late for me to travel, I recognize).

The Christian pathway doesn't seem to offer it - in fact the more I see of Christianity, the more medieval it seems to me as a way of thought (all that 'burning in hell' stuff - just medieval people taking the worst thing they saw in their lives and saying "that's what he'll is like, only it lasts forever). Buddhism seems to me to have been on a better trajectory in terms of outlining a method of attainment of peace of mind, and it certainly is the case that by following the noble eightfold path (or whatever it is) that your life will be simplified and this is bound to help. (Conversely, living a life where you abandon all of the recommendations on the list sure as hell ain't gonna get you far in the pom stakes.) At least in the case of Buddhism it isn't seeming to rely on carrots and sticks and Gods and stuff; just doling out some fairly plain advice, hard as it might be to follow.

So tell me - am I alone in having failed to reach peace of mind? Does it come to most other people as naturally as breathing or sleeping? Is it something towards which one not fortunate enough to be granted it unworked for, can strive toward - or is it a chimera that doesn't really exist; a hallowed state much dreamed of, much pontificated upon, but never truly achieved in the not completely mentally deranged mind? One would think that after five plus decades of reading and assimilation I'd have some clues as to the answers on this subject, but I haven't. If peace of mind is out there to be got then I've never stumbled across it: for me it seems like a heavenly vision of something forever out of reach, but that will always be worth the effort of striving for. Am I wrong?

[Avatar]

Even the Buddhists say that enlightenment is an ongoing process. You're not just suddenly "enlightened" and that's the end of it. On the contrary, it is something you need to work and strive for every day. (I'm a big fan of a lot of their thinking.)

I generally consider myself to have peace of mind most of the time. I suspect a lot of that is due to the difficulty I have in dwelling on either the past or the future though. It's easy for me to accept the things I cannot change.

(The Buddhists say "You are not here to change the world, the world is here to change you.)

Since the reality that nothing actually matters in the long run is so readily apparent to me, I also find it difficult to get too worked up about most things, and even when I do, it rarely lasts.

Since it's not a state of mind I achieved though, so much as something that is probably a function of how my brain works, I can unfortunately not take any credit for, nor give any advice on.

In fact I suspect that the biological nature of the human mind may indeed make it merely something to be striven for and rarely achieved for any lasting period of time.

--A

[peter]

Ironically, it seems that from the Bible that one of the best lessons in pursuit of the state of peace of mind is to be learnt. Philippians 4:11 states I have learned, in whatsoever state I am in, therein to be content, and this has to be a pretty good starting point. Trouble is, it's just a whole lot more difficult than it sounds. Whenever I hear stuff like this I cannot but think of the alternative wisdom of Shakespeare when he says "For there never was philosopher yet, that could endure the toothache" and the triteness, the shallowness of the answer is exposed.

But toothaches aside there is value in the observation. Learning to accept ones lot in life, not just without verbalising complaint, but actually accepting it from within will be a sound footing from which to develop a pathway toward peace of mind. It's not going to drive you forward towards success, but that is not what this is about......unless of course, I have it all wrong and it is success in those former things I spoke of - wealth, power, recognition etc - that are the route to peace of mind. Not having achieved any of these things I couldn't really say, I suppose I'd have to canvas the likes of Bill Gates and Mick Jagger to get the answer to this. Somehow I suspect that these things, while giving one a different version of the life-experience, would have little or no effect on the attainment of peace of mind but I could be wrong.

But maybe peace of mind is a thing you are either made up with (in terms of nature and nurture) or you are not. Perhaps some just slip into it without ever having to put in the work, while others no matter how hard they try to achieve it, never do. Perhaps it is only they who never even consider the subject (perhaps this is the trick) that get the golden egg. I am left wondering if there is a group who deliberately set out to achieve peace of mind and actually get there, or if no such group exists? All very difficult. Perhaps I should take on the advice of the late great John Belushi (not perhaps the best example in respect of the peace of mind achievement stakes, but nevermind) who sagely said, "I don't know - I suggest you buy as many blues albums as you can."

(And perhaps I have said perhaps way too many times in the course of the above bolloc.....err, statement.)

[Avatar]

LOL funnily enough, that is largely my own state of mind. I am generally happy with whatever I have, and if that changes, I tend to be happy with whatever i have next.

I've quoted it before, but one of my favourites is:

"If you have to move, even one inch, from where you are now to be happy, then you probably never will be."

Not for me the "Oh, if only I had X I would be happy."

That sort of thinking dooms one to an eternal chase for the next thing that you think will do the trick.

--A

[Fist and Faith]

Since it's not a state of mind I achieved though, so much as something that is probably a function of how my brain works, I can unfortunately not take any credit for, nor give any advice on.

There it is. Can't put it any better than that. At another site, someone messaged me asking how I didn't get angry, because she would like to not get angry at such things. I didn't even know what she was talking about. When she told me, I was surprised that anyone would feel anger in that situation. Apparently, our brains work very different.

[Menolly]

Since it's not a state of mind I achieved though, so much as something that is probably a function of how my brain works, I can unfortunately not take any credit for, nor give any advice on.

There it is. Can't put it any better than that. At another site, someone messaged me asking how I didn't get angry, because she would like to not get angry at such things. I didn't even know what she was talking about. When she told me, I was surprised that anyone would feel anger in that situation. Apparently, our brains work very different.

^this^
*ayeup*

Oh, there are things which irritate me and I wish were different. But, I'm overall in a happy state.

[peter]

Not sure peace of mind and being happy are quite the same thing Menolly, though I do observe that your actual words are "overall in a happy state", which is somewhat difficult again I think. Being happy is going to be a help toward attainment of peace of mind (if it ever can be attained by those not naturally gifted with it), though not I think the be all and end all.

Another thing might be to organise one's life such as to minimise the anxieties attached to it. By and large I find it best to avoid encumbrances of any nature that will place demands on me. I avoid debt like the plague and keep only the loosest of associations with people other than my family. Again, I say that this has not been the key to giving me peace of mind, but it has at least moved me toward a less anxious state of mind than I would otherwise experience.

I have at times experienced the most tranquil inner calm - one example of which was in the Musee d'Orsay in Paris, with my wife and step-daughter, surrounded by all of the impressionist masterpieces therein. We were booked in for lunch at the Jules Verne (2nd floor, Eiffel Tower, run by celebrated chef Alan Ducasse) and had a shopping trip down the Champs Elysees planned for the afternoon. I tell you these details not to brag (well - just a bit ) but to describe the circumstances under which a thing that has eluded me my whole life (with the above types of rare exception) briefly dipped its toe into my world. For me then beauty and art, refinement of the sensual experience, seem one avenue into the realm of peace of mind. But one cannot live one's life in such a rarified atmosphere (unless you come from a place very different to that from which I hail); no, what I am after is a means of bringing that sensation down into the ordinary nuts-and-bolts existence of everyday life.

It is possible I think, that the answer to this, could lie in music. Given time, a quiet place and a complete cd collection of Wagner's Ring Cycle (in which I am reliably informed, there is depth enough to satisfy your listening wants for the rest of your life), it might be possible.

Alas, I can't do it - I'm rota'd in at the shop at 11.

[Avatar]

No wonder your mind it not peaceful. Retail.

--A

[Skyweir]

I think that is a brilliant point.

Pete you work in retail and perhaps on a day to day basis interface with inspirational humans as well as humans that suck the joy out of you.

I’ve worked with humans that have lifted my spirits and sucked the life outa me.

I am fortunate that I no longer work with humans.

Not to suggest humans are the source of all dissatisfaction or misery … at all. Look at the amazing range of humans that inhabit spaces like this for instance?

I am entirely at peace with my life. I just said to my husband yesterday- if I were to die right now, I am complete. I want nothing more than I have. My world is a delight to me, my home is not a mansion but I need no more than I have and I am comfortable, warm (after I light a fire lol it’s winter here).

I think there is great value in documenting all the pros you have in you and in your life.

I don’t know about natural states of mind … but like the posters above, I don’t let myself get bent out of shape and I find laughing is a great counter to the most egregious irritations in life. Well laughter or tears lol

I feel I’ve lived a good, satisfying, rewarding life and tbh I haven’t done “great things”, I haven’t travelled, have no great achievements to boast of … but I have family, love, affection, intimacy, challenges - and to this day - work lol

Always work - but for me - work IS life.

Being.

I have being.

Challenges accompany breath - some are harder than others.

I see around me life is fleeting. And it is indubitably

I could be gone tomorrow - and I am ok and at peace with ending. I’m ok and at peace with living too

Because I have my very own peace of mind - that is not dependent on the medeival faith paradigms, a belief in divinities or mythical hoped and dreams.

I think peace of mind and heart is within everyones reach. I truly hope you find it too

[peter]

Well I'm not going to hold my breath on that one Sky! I am a mish-mash of way too many neuroses and anxieties for peace of mind to intrude upon me. Life is essentially a brutal thing from which moments of glory can be sieved. They are unpredictable in their coming and fleeting in their passage, but all the more valuable for being so. But this is okay; I have learned to live with it and while for people like me, our nights may be darker, I think our dawns are brighter when they do eventually come.

[Skyweir]