Advice Thread

[aliantha]

Ali, you just gotta find the right thing is all. Blogging sounds like a good idea, you never know if your blog will get made into a movie, like "Julie & Julia". And you don't need a seminar to learn to do it... it's all on the web, I am sure.

or a podcast?

(P.S. I am a software engineer, I learn very very techical stuff all the time. I haven't been to a class in years, I learn everything online, for free. If I can learn J2EE that way, you can learn to blog! Or podcast! Seminar schmeminar.)

Podcast sounds like a no-brainer for somebody with a radio background, doesn't it? You're right, I've just gotta find the right thing. I keep thinking it will just, y'know, come to me. Like the swine flu or something. But hopefully more pleasant than that.

[Worm of Despite]

I may be over-'anal'yzing, it's true, and thanks for the compliment! As far as buttsex goes, I wish you as much luck as can be wished in this kind of situation.

Thanks! It's hard going. But, actually, the boyfriend thing can't be over-analyzed too much, but the couch thing... Yeah. Too bad you're in Cali! Bah... You are cute as a boot! I guess cute people have problems too...amazing!

[stonemaybe]

Kaydene - I think I concur with most of the advice you've received so far, BUT! Have you had a particularly bad week? Sometimes a perfectly good relationship can take on a very negative aspect because of a couple of things happening at once. What are the positive things about your situation, if any? It's easy for people who don't know you to say 'finish it' when all they know is the negative. If this week is just a 'normal' week, and you still feel like you did when you posted on Tuesday, then my advice is 'get out' too!

Nobody, NOBODY, deserves screamed at by 'their other half', and as for the music bit - well, I'd count that as a reason to move on, all by itself!

Ali - here's a boring suggestion for you! Why don't you speak to your bosses (esp if they're nice!), tell them you'd like 'more of a challenge' at work (not that you're bored!) and see if they can find some more interesting work for you or give you more responsibilities (and of course, more responsibility =more pay)

[dANdeLION]

Too bad you're in Cali! Bah... You are cute as a boot!

I just checked the Album....Foul's right.

[Fist and Faith]

Kaydene: Dump him.

Foul: Blow up doll.

ali: pr0n

[bossk]

Thank you for your advice, guys. I do want to remind you that it's just my side of the story you're hearing, so maybe I'm biased about it or whatever. I heard this twice, so I want to be clear that he isn't abusive towards me, just for the record He's got a load of problems in himself, and he knows that, which is why I want to see him get help.

If I think about this from another person's perspective, I'd tell her to leave too. Being the type of person that I am (not passive at all, stands up for herself in any situation) I can't believe I'm still here. I *am* miserable. I *don't* see it getting any better without therapy on his part, but CovJ, you're right, he has to want to do it. I don't see that happening.

Anyhow, I guess that's my situation. I'll have to think on it. Thanks for your advice, Watchers.

I would like to address this from the perspective of having been a whiny, tantrum-throwing turd in recent memory. It's pretty much the same as alcoholism - the person has to want to change, you can't make him. I used to have a lot of pent-up anger that was inappropriately expressed at times, and it was the birth of my son that finally made me want to mend my ways.

I talked to a LCSW (social worker, not psychiatrist) of my own accord, and realized that I am actually really happy, and I'm just letting life's random bullshit affect me way too much. That was a bit of a revelation, but I also had my doc prescribe me a little Zoloft to take the edge off of my stress, and that has really helped.

It's strange, but you can become addicted to being a downer. I used to nurse my anger, because it felt potent, as opposed to my usual feeling of being a bit lost as to how to fix things. It was like being angry was my substitute for crying it out.

I'm better. I hope your guy can get better too. But if he's not ready, there's nothing you can do to help him.

[bossk]

awwwwww! cag! tell bossk he is missed around here! the guy was seriously funny!!!! and he had an FBH avatar!!!

Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for asking me back. Just in time for this topic, too, because it's part of why I left for a while.

I hated my job, but they offered tuition reimbursement, so I went back to school on their dime and earned a degree in tech writing. I haven't done much of that, but it did help me fix some issues with my writing in general. While I was in school, I started blogging and met some writers with connections. I wrote articles as a side gig, and when I was done using my employer for educational purposes, I quit and jumped into it full time.

It was awesome until the economy bottomed out. I was raking in jobs before that. The past few months have been stop-and-go, but my wife has been very supportive about wanting me to keep going as long as the gigs keep getting more high-profile. I probably can't ever thank her enough for that, even though she can't help but get annoyed when the checks take their time coming to the mailbox.

So, that's my story. I definitely have avoided things that I can become addicted to when I need to be working (like the video games/TV), but I think I can visit the Watch now and again.

[Avatar]

I already expressed surprise and delight in the Mile high thread. So this post is just plain welcome back.

--A

[Harbinger]

A gal in college gave me the OK to do that if she ever passed out. I won't go into details, but I didn't have anal sex again for several years.

[aliantha]

Welcome back, bossk!

Kaydene: Dump him.

Foul: Blow up doll.

ali: pr0n

Stone: Truth is, I'm sort of afraid to ask for more work, even though my bosses *are* really nice. Stupid, huh? As an aside, we just had a round of layoffs here today. Not me, thank goodness. But still, it's kind of a weird day here....

[dANdeLION]

A gal in college gave me the OK to do that if she ever passed out. I won't go into details, but I didn't have anal sex again for several years.

Harbinger, your post belongs on page 2, the "Foul wants to surprise his boyfriend, but can't figure out a sneaky way to sit on the dude's lap" page. This is page 3, the 'Welcome back Bossk" page.

[Kaydene]

Kaydene - I think I concur with most of the advice you've received so far, BUT! Have you had a particularly bad week? Sometimes a perfectly good relationship can take on a very negative aspect because of a couple of things happening at once. What are the positive things about your situation, if any? It's easy for people who don't know you to say 'finish it' when all they know is the negative. If this week is just a 'normal' week, and you still feel like you did when you posted on Tuesday, then my advice is 'get out' too!

Nobody, NOBODY, deserves screamed at by 'their other half', and as for the music bit - well, I'd count that as a reason to move on, all by itself!

There have been a lot of things happening all at once, it's true.

Too bad you're in Cali! Bah... You are cute as a boot!

I just checked the Album....Foul's right.

Thank you.

I would like to address this from the perspective of having been a whiny, tantrum-throwing turd in recent memory. It's pretty much the same as alcoholism - the person has to want to change, you can't make him. I used to have a lot of pent-up anger that was inappropriately expressed at times, and it was the birth of my son that finally made me want to mend my ways.

I talked to a LCSW (social worker, not psychiatrist) of my own accord, and realized that I am actually really happy, and I'm just letting life's random bullshit affect me way too much. That was a bit of a revelation, but I also had my doc prescribe me a little Zoloft to take the edge off of my stress, and that has really helped.

It's strange, but you can become addicted to being a downer. I used to nurse my anger, because it felt potent, as opposed to my usual feeling of being a bit lost as to how to fix things. It was like being angry was my substitute for crying it out.

I'm better. I hope your guy can get better too. But if he's not ready, there's nothing you can do to help him.

This may be close to the truth for him as well, but it's true, any change on his part has to come from him, freely. I know it's something he's aware of and struggles with. It can just wear on me as well.


...

Anyway, I appreciate thoughts from all of you and I feel as if I'm at a place now where I need to take all things into consideration and make the decision that'll be best for me in the long run and I just need some time and meditation for that. Again, thanks to everyone for their input.

So enough about me! Let's talk about you guys.

[stonemaybe]

Proof once again that the Watch *is* the best place on the intarwebz.

Okay, so I have a question that I've been wrestling with for awhile, and it's somewhat lighter in tone than Kaydene's (but not as light as LF's...). As many of you know, I'm on my second career. I was in broadcast journalism for 20 years, but got out because: 1) the hours weren't conducive to raising two small kids; 2) the business had changed dramatically, with a lot fewer radio news jobs and a lot more emphasis on fluffy crap; and 3) I was tired of getting laid off (4 times in 9 years).

So I went to paralegal school and ended up as a legal secretary, which I've done now for, well, it'll be ten years next month. It's relatively benign -- it pays really well and the attorneys I work for are nice folks (however much of an oxymoron that would appear to be) -- but, well, I'm bored.

Along the way, I picked up a master's degree in fiction writing -- which, together with three bucks, will get me a tall latte at Starbucks, but only if I don't want a shot of syrup.

I'd get back into journalism, but reason #2 for getting out is not only still valid, it has gotten worse since I left. Plus there's been a technological revolution there in the past ten years, and I have no web skills to speak of.

The stuff left on the "list of life's goals" I made in my 20s all has to do with travel destinations. So I'll need a source of cash. And I look *really* bad in orange, so a life of crime is right out.

Oh, and I want to move west. Sooner rather than later.

So: nominations for aliantha's 3rd career are now being taken. Thenk yew.

stone idea #2: there must be a load of different law magazines/periodicals, isn't there? Why not try to get a regular piece or blog in one of those to start with? Your current bosses might even let you work on it in their time.

[Cagliostro]

How do I convince the wife that I need to get a PS3 before the Last Guardian comes out? And so I can play The Beatles: Rock Band.

[Worm of Despite]

Kaydene: Dump him.

Foul: Blow up doll.

ali: pr0n

Dude, blow-up doll is 40 year old virgin territory... Give me some time!

[wayfriend]

How do I convince the wife that I need to get a PS3 before the Last Guardian comes out? And so I can play The Beatles: Rock Band.

Say, "What do you think about geting Wii Fit?". She'll go for it. Once she does, you capitalize on the precident.

[hue of fuzzpaws]

Kaydene: Dump him.

Foul: Blow up doll.

ali: pr0n

Dude, blow-up doll is 40 year old virgin territory... Give me some time!

Real Doll?

[Worm of Despite]

Kaydene: Dump him.

Foul: Blow up doll.

ali: pr0n

Dude, blow-up doll is 40 year old virgin territory... Give me some time!

Real Doll?

...What?! Yeah, if they had robot chicks like in A.I. I'd be perfectly happy not to waste time on relationships...

[aliantha]

How do I convince the wife that I need to get a PS3 before the Last Guardian comes out? And so I can play The Beatles: Rock Band.

Say, "What do you think about geting Wii Fit?". She'll go for it. Once she does, you capitalize on the precident.

Too late -- he's already got a Wii Fit.

Stone: Not a bad idea -- I'll ponder that one...

[rdhopeca]

One wonders if we should have an "Advice Forum" before this thread gets too far out of hand...or, as Lord Foul might say, out of butt...