One Sentence Or Paragraph At A Time Story

[aTOMiC]

Mallory collapsed to the floor weeping like a five year old boy who had fallen and skinned his knee while fleeing his older sister whom he had just punched in the arm after she called him a "sucker-bottom" because he had accidentally sat on a wet lolly-pop which stuck to the seat of his trousers like stink sticks to a dead fish whilst rotting in the hot, noonday sun.

[wayfriend]

Dion Lande puked on Mallory's shoes.

[aTOMiC]

Which produced even more tears and a gag reflex from Mallory who had reached the limit of what little emotions he had left that were swirling around in his overwrought and under-powered brain.

[wayfriend]

Both men rose unsteadily and, as Mallory's sight was gradually restored, he watched as his arch nemesis and age-old rival wiped spittle from his chin, cleared his throat, and then listened as he began to explain, like a weary kindergarten teacher explaining subtraction to a slow-witted child, exactly what was going on.

[aTOMiC]

"You see, Mallory, you are an ass-basket and I believe I will find it quite difficult to explain to you the meaning of why I am here and the tiny, but important part you have to play in the drama unfolding around you, however I will do my utmost to try to penetrate that solid mass you call a skull and enlighten you to the facts as I understand them provided you bother to listen to my explanation in the first place as you have the attention span of a diuretic flea."

[wayfriend]

"I'm listening," growled Mallory, "please continue, you feast for maggots with low standards, you whiff of broccoli-induced goat flatulence, you collector of tiny oozing chin pustules, you nauseous slime exuded from a broken can of expired sauerkraut, for you have my undivided attention, you barnacle on the bottom side of a sewer crab.

[aTOMiC]

"Ah, well then I can begin your education and enlightenment for you see I know every aspect and detail of the plot, as it were, and I will now dis-engorge myself of these facts so you may understand precisely how worthless and insignificant you really are, you loathsome caterpillar dropping."

[wayfriend]

"Pray continue, you inept spewer of poorly constructed insults" prompted Mallory, who hoped to get the sickly excrement to monologue like a pompous politician at a state fair for a while so that he could think, " ... if you dare."

[aTOMiC]

"Very well, I believe you are familiar with the great Lord Admiral Garrison of Pleneth and it is due to your previous entanglements with the Admiral that you have been drawn into this scenario as it seems your conflict with Garrison has produced fruit that you could not have possibly envisioned without assistance due to your soft, human brain being barely adequate to the task of feeding yourself without drooling down the front of your shirt and of course your baffling lack of vision which has betrayed you to such a degree that even I am taken aback by the incomprehensible level of idiocy with which you conduct the course of your miserable life."

[wayfriend]

"Pah, I defeated Admiral "Garlic-breath" Garrison soundly in the battle for parsec 72 in the Cantaloupe Uprising, and I couldn't get him out of my brig and into the Ventricle Prison of Beefloin fast enough for all his pathetic wailing."

[aTOMiC]

"Yes but with that apparent victory the foundation was laid for the construction of your doom for it was during his confinement that the twelfth son of Pleneth devised this scheme and due to your failure to kill Garrison whilst you had the opportunity he escaped and began to forge alliances with some of the most powerful houses in the entirety of the Galactic Communion and even now, as we speak, the noose is tightening around your neck for you see while I've been blathering on, monologing like a primrose prick, twenty-nine Deathcrusher battle-cruisers have surrounded this pathetic vessel and are now in optimal position to vaporize Southerland Castle and end all of our misbegotten lives for you see this was a suicide mission that I gladly undertook for the chance to see your smug, self righteous, face disintegrate as you and this abomination you call home are pressed into oblivion!"

[wayfriend]

"You are a fool," laughed Mallory, "for Deathcrusher battle-cruisers have a known weakness, and it is this, that their weapon systems completely fail when exposed to a super nova, and then explode when expose to a second one, and they have been exposed to two."

[aTOMiC]

"That's absurd, you witless buffoon," Dion Lande chided,"you will die screaming any second now...er...just you wait...you...um...will die...uh...sonofa...well that's just freaking GREAT!"

[wayfriend]

"Your brother would not have made the same ... oh no", interjected Mallory, because the hatches were opening again, and standing behind the portal into this room his personal nightmare, a person so nightmarish as to set his teeth a-shivering, which set his jaw-bone a-quavering, which set his spine a-jangling, which set his bowels a-rolling, which set his throat a-rasping, which set his teeth a-shivering all over again.

[aTOMiC]

Standing menacingly in the hatchway, draped in a coal-black cloak that partially covered his unique, blood-red blandish armor, was none other than Romagen Shriven the Slaughterer, who had once single handedly massacred an entire planet with his bare hands and a box of plastic toothpicks and who had vowed that, if he ever encountered him again, would slowly strip Mallory of his skin, using a jagged piece of deck plating, and boil what was left in a vat of chicken broth for three and a half days until Mallory's pleas to be killed resembled the piercing shrieks made by Fire-gust Furrow Hawks eating Powder-mice during mating season.

[wayfriend]

"Heeyyyyy ... buddyyyy ... ", said Mallory, "I haven't seen you since the Festival of Flensing ... that was a fun night ... too bad about that game of Skull Dice ... you don't still think I cheated, do you ... that would be funny ... look, she was only there because I owed her dad money ... "

[aTOMiC]

Suddenly, without making a sound, Shriven swung his flenching long-sword downward with such speed and force that Dion Lande barely noticed that he had been neatly split in two from the top of his head down to the crotch of his barf stained pants, the two halves slowly sagged away from each other and then sloughed to the ground in opposite directions, splattering his internal contents upon the floor to Mallory's abject amazement.

[wayfriend]

Shriven's sword was wielded so swiftly and with such stupendous force that it also parted the blankets, sliced the pillows, slit the rug, and penetrated several centimeters into the Never-Crack™ Vardorean steel hull, where it stuck firm like the lid of a seven year old can of paint.

[aTOMiC]

"Okayyyyy, that was...um...horrible...and I am guessing you are soooo trying to tell me something but I'm not quite sure I get the message, except of course that you TOTALLY mean business, I mean that's not at all debatable, not at all, so you can rest assured that you have like completely earned a bucket-load of respect from me...for sure...like totally..." Mallory stammered nervously.

[wayfriend]

But it was all a ruse, because while he was mumbling he was sidestepping towards the axe, and when he reached it, he slid his toe underneath the handle, and then flipped the axe into the air with his foot, whereupon it spun around like the blasted remains of a Sucktoesian scoutship, until he snatched it out of the air with a ninja-move so deft that in the same motion he swung the axe around and parted Shriven's hair down the middle, along with a lot of his skull, which began leaking like a half-eaten jelly donut left in a box in the workroom by someone who secretly despised his coworkers and so enjoyed an occasional petty act.