Kevin's Watch

Stop what you are doing and cut your toenails!

If there were only one place on the earth I could live I'd pick the...

If there were only one place on the earth I could live I'd pick the...streets, cause man, I would simply love to live on the streets. I mean fancy places have the attractive qualities, but why would you want to live anywhere but the streets? I mean come on! Can you think of a better place? If you can, please tell me, cause I would really love to know what it is that is better the streets. heh.

Man, the line was...

Man, the line was only 3.5 meters long and didn't reach into the next bloody room. I was so angry threw the phone out the window. It is a shame the window was closed at the time. The shower of broken glass was awsome.

Tempered by experiences that would cripple a normal man...

Tempered by experiences that would cripple a normal man...killed me.

Hmmm.. why must I...

Hmmm.. why must I continue to suffer fleas like a wolf in the wild. I am I not the royal personage incarnate? Bah!

Part of the problem with people is that they fail to recognize my obvious superior...

Part of the problem with people is that they fail to recognize my obvious superior...

yet inferior abilities.

Meh! I got...

Meh! I got some real problems here. Control panel is spitting oil at me like a snake but I got this crate flying level again. I think I took a shot in the intake manifold. Wait. She's sputtering. I'm goin down. Tell my wife I.....


If I were a world war II fighter pilot I'd have shot down...

If I were a world war II fighter pilot I'd have shot down... Zep- I mean Hitler at first sight...

If I were a pie, I would be...

If I were a pie, I would be the best dad burn pie anyone had ever seen before. I would radiate pieness throughout the land for all to see. I would be a pie among pies and there would be rejoicing in the streets and love in every heart that beheld my juicy interior. I would be the pie of the ages without equal and beyond the comprehension of the normal pie eaters in this nearly useless life. Pie oh pie can't I.

Something strange happend to me on the way to work today. I stopped off to get some donuts when suddenly...

LOL! Nice finish to my sencetence TOM C!

Something strange happend to me on the way to work today. I stopped off to get some donuts when suddenly...I died.

I want to go to...

I want to go to Disneyworld.


Last week I went...

Last week I went...Disneyworld

Hmmm.. you are the biggest...

Hmmm.. you are the biggest when you weigh the most your body can endure and the are the smallest when all conditions are the exact opposite as the previous statement.


If I weighed over a thousand pounds and went to Disney World I'd....

If I weighed over a thousand pounds and went to Disney World I'd....break the rides

heh, I would find it funny if...

If I weighed over a thousand pounds and went to Disney World I'd.... Be captured and released back into the ocean.


I know dolphins are intelligent because they...

I know dolphins are intelligent because they would find it funny if I slipped on some fish guts and cracked my skull on the wet pavement around their pool. They would nicker and laugh until I finally pulled my bloody face from the crimson cement and then drew both of my six guns. I would empty them both into the moiling waters sending hot lead showering into the depths. Hahahahhahahahhahah....

If I were a gunslinger I'd always remember to keep my back...

If I were a gunslinger I'd always remember to keep my back...not facing the front.

If it could only do...

If it could only do back flips, my hamster would be a much better pet.

The smell of cabbage is...

The smell of cabbage is...pleasant if you have no nose.

I like this emoticon: ... because...

I like this emoticon: ... because...it reminds me that Mr. Whipple is always sticking his tounge out at Darth.

Mr. Whipple (or Hierachy) has changed his name so many times that...