Kevin's Watch

Boing boing boing .. your wish us granted and summarily corrupted. You no longer stress about anything .. anything at all. In fact you no longer care about anything .. you dont care about eating, sleeping, working nothing. And sadly you give up on living.

I wish I could sleep

You can sleep! Like a cat. 20+ hours per day. But you're still always tired.


I wish my taxes were done.

Taxes are now done.
You owe $12,756.88.

I wish I had my tax return by now.

Bing boing ... your tax return is here and its not good .. you owe more than Sorus .. Trumps tax cut did not help you one iota.

I wish I was always energetic and never tired.

Ding!!! You are always energetic, never tired, and driving everyone bonkers. You lose your job, family, and friends. Even you dog is done with you. All that energy, and no one to share it with!!

I wish I had LOTS more energy AND could wind down and sleep at night!!

Bing bong

You have lots more energy AND can wind down and sleep at night .. but because during your waking hours, you go, go, go ... you dont get around to eating .. at all, ever .. and of course you dont eat when you sleep, cos sleeping .. you slowly start to fade away ... and because you are expending soooo much energy and not fuelling .. you die in a matter of weeks

I wish I didnt feel sad

Pafoom! You no longer feel sad. But you are so incredibly happy that you are locked up because everyone thinks you went to crazy town.

I wish I was already retired.

Zing-zang-zoom!
As of today, you are retired. No more reporting to work to earn your wages to pay bills.

However, you start going bonkers because of there is nothing to do to keep your mind occupied, and no wages earned to pay bills.
You either get locked up in the loony-bin from going crazy, or go to jail for theft because you ran out of money.


I wish I can get back to work again.

Boing boing zababoing dingleybingleboo

You are back at work .. doing your thang .. toting bails, writing emails, shovelling poops dealing with people who are total pains in your ass.

You dream of the day you too can retire and do whatever you want forever and a day

I wish I grow Jacarandas where I live

ZOOMA ZOOMA your city is full of Jacarandas...that in a twist of fate smell like durian. Gross.


Wish I could make my foccacia dough rise faster!

Bing bang boing Your wish is my command ... your focaccia dough rises faster and keeps on rising, soon it swallows your house, then your town, then your county, then your nation, then the entire Southern Hemisphere, then the world, and it keeps on rising and expanding till it gobbles up all existence.

I wish I wasnt tired

*bippity boppity* You're never tired! Bad news, everyone else is, all the time. Whole world is cranky now. :[

Wish my cats wouldn't be so picky about what they eat...

Bing bong boom a common problem with the elitist feline ... but no longer, your kitty happily tucks into anything and everything you offer and anything and everything you dont.. before you know it kitty has eaten you out of house and home ... you have to work back to back shifts just to keep kitty in food.

But alas .. kitty explodes after one teeny tiny wafer thin mint

Alas it was never going to end well

I wish Game of Thrones went for more than one more season

Game of Thrones is renewed for another 20 years! But they have no idea where to take the plot, and it's so bad that GRRM quits writing the books out of disgust for the whole thing.


I wish I could speak and understand the language most of my coworkers speak so I am not constantly left out of conversations.

Cowabunga!
You can now understand your co-workers, and you are NOT pleased at what they've been saying about you behind your back. (Dirty little bastards).
Time to move on.

I wish I won the lottery and lived "off the grid" for a while.

Bing bong you win the lottery and with your winnings move down under lol buy a 100 acres, build a mud brick cabin, grow your food, install solar power and live independently OFF THE GRID. However, you are very lonely, miss friends and family, the Watch and decide to sell up and return to the grid.

I wish I was dead

BAM! Instant Death. Unfortunately, unknown to all us living mortals, the afterlife is an eternity of filling out tax forms.


I wish I could know for sure whether a new car battery would fix the problem... I hate wasting money that doesn't fix anything.

Describe the problem balon.. if its making a clicking noise when you turn it on, fair shake its the battery

if its cranking but wont turn over.. likely also still the battery

If you turn it on and got nuthin .. could be the alternator and it could be a dead battery

... but if it turns over but wont run or idle its more like the alternator.
https://www.automd.com/diagnose/

Ok so BOOM you DO KNOW for sure and its far worse than you could have ever imagined .. the car needs a complete overhaul from top to bottom costing you thousands and sending you bankrupt

Youre welcome

I wish I could be in two places at once

*magical chainsaw noises*

Your legs are going for a nice walk while your top half enjoys a movie.



I wish I could say the things I want to say at work without getting fired.