Kevin's Watch

High Lord Tolkien wrote:I wish that the planet Venus never got hot and had always had the same conditions that allowed life to thrive like it has on Earth.

[flying saucer noises]

The people of Venus never invented social media and were able to colonize other planets. They came to Earth and the first people they met were soccer fans in a stadium during a championship match. Frightened, out of an abundance of caution they decided to sterilize our planet and let Ook-zod sort us out.

I wish I had enough to retire.

*Boing*

You now have plenty to retire.
Retire the tread on your car tires, my tires, your neighbor's tires, school bus tires,....

I wish that I could go fishing right about now.

You can go fishing right about now. Because you are waist deep in the Mississippi. (pssst: Ya shoulda wished for a pole and bait, too)

I wish everyone was kind.

Everyone is kind ... to Putin and only Putin. This makes Putin even more delusional and egotistical...uh oh....

I wish politicians had to live with the same consequences with the rules they pass.

BIP!!! Politicians now have to live with the same consequences with the rules they pass. So, they pass all the fun bills, like free ice cream every day for everyone, $50/hour minimum wage, mandatory 8 weeks paid vacation with allowances for travel and lodging anywhere, free education, health care, Botox, Cartier watches, Tesla cars,... Not only is the government broke but no one actually wants the Tesla cars and the value, followed by the entire economy, followed by the government, followed by civilization as we know it, crashes.

I wish for an ice cream cone. Hard ice cream, Cherry Garcia, waffle cone.

Shaboiee!! You have a Cherry Garcia hard ice cream with waffle cone. Thats all you have though. Good luck surviving more than a couple days off that last cone.

I wish I could not corrupt wishes so evilly

Snap! Now you can't corrupt wishes so evilly. Your next attempts is so nauseatingly pleasant that it turns out to be more unwittingly evil than before and therefore your wish backfires on itself and the world pretty much ends...

I wish I had more time for fun stuff.

Bing badda boom! You now have all the time in the world for fun stuff ... but you cannot do anything else BUT fun stuff .. as a result you lose your job, your house and your .... doggos as you can no longer afford to feed, house or care for them .. you can no longer survive mortality

I hate corrupting wishes lol ... its just so darn mean .. I wish I could snap my fingers and magically make everything better and realise every need.

Sanfuiee! Everything is better and every need is realized for one second....so everyone thought it was just a dream.

I wish that I could work from home forever.

Sam, I am pleased to grant you your wish that you can work from home forever. Your internet is dwindling, you can't log into your work network, you end up playing solitaire all day, every day. This may seem reasonable to you, but eventually you become so bored with the notion that you throw your computer out your window, and let it all wash away.

I wish that the life would return to Kevins Watch.

Poofie life has returned to Kevin's Watch - artifical life that has taken over the whole world - yipes!


I wish I could not worry about money any longer

*pooofy* Your worries about money are over...but only because beans are now the only valuable currency. Yikes

I wish the county would let me subdivide

Kaboomie! You are now subdivided into many balon!s and can't decide which Balon! is your favorite.

I wish my youngest son would return my phone calls.

Kazoom!

Your youngest son returns not just your phone call, but also the tube socks he borrowed from you when he was in high school.

I wish it could be autumn all year long.

You get your wish and have autumn all year long. Now you can't ever get the leaf raking over and done with, and the whole town you live in becomes a fire hazard of piled dead leaves.


I wish I never needed sleep.

now you never sleep. with no sleep you never can hope for new ideas. for fantasies. for possibilities. your life is dull, grey and meaningless.

i wish for world peace