Kevin's Watch

Speaking of screwed, I was at this bar....
and the barmaid didn't know how to make a "Slow Comfortable Screw"!
(Sloe Gin-Southern Comfort-Vodka & Orange Juice)


The drink that I like to get hammered with is...

The drink I like to get hammered with is homemade orange wine, which tastes horrid, but has a kick like a mule--and if you have any masochist tendencies whatsoever, you will love that hangover.

The most annoying thing about a hangover is....

The most annoying thing about a hangover is....

...that the best way to get rid of it is to start drinking again.

The life of the wife was...

The life of the wife was rife with strife.

The life of the child...

was wild, then, when the community got riled, the number of the police was dialed, documentation of his outrageous acts was compiled, and then filed in court records.


And as a result, this wayward child....

And as a result, this wayward child was eventually banned from Kevin's Watch.

I should have avoided him altogether, but...

I should have avoided him altogether, but I've never quite believed that badgers and wolverines couldn't be tamed and embraced as pets. This, therefore, is the reason I...

I should have avoided him altogether, but I've never quite believed that badgers and wolverines couldn't be tamed and embraced as pets. This, therefore, is the reason I...

...frequently find myself applying pressure to an open, pulsing wound that will require urgent medical attention.

I would have become a brain surgeon but I never seemed to get the...

I would have become a brain surgeon but I never seemed to get the hang of that cutter thingy - a scalper, is it?

Speaking of bad haircuts, I...

Speaking of bad haircuts, I have learned that you should never try to cut your hair with a disposable bic razor. It never works out because...

Speaking of bad haircuts, I have learned that you should never try to cut your hair with a disposable bic razor. It never works out because...

...the device in question was never designed to perform such a task or at least not officially.

Disposable bic razors are only recomended for use if the hair that is to be cut resides underneath the lower...

Disposable bic razors are only recomended for use if the hair that is to be cut resides underneath the lower lip. Unless, of course, you are....

Disposable bic razors are only recomended for use if the hair that is to be cut resides underneath the lower lip. Unless, of course, you are....

... someone who resembles a Gorilla, in which case a more suitable depilatory would be ...

Disposable bic razors are only recomended for use if the hair that is to be cut resides underneath the lower lip. Unless, of course, you are someone who resembles a Gorilla, in which case a more suitable depilatory would be a large vat of "Nair" or some other hair removing liquid.

Something really amusing you could do with Nair is...

Something really amusing you could do with Nair is...
put it in the shampoo bottle in the guest shower.
(For the over-extended-their-welcome-a-long-time-ago houseguests)

What I like about staying at a friend's house is...

EDIT - a little slow on the draw, I'm afraid.

Something really amusing you could do with Nair is to use it in a devious prank, wherein you put it in the shampoo bottle in the guest shower.
(For the over-extended-their-welcome-a-long-time-ago houseguests)

What I like about staying at a friend's house is I always bring my own shampoo so they never have the opportunity to denude my head of hair.

I never bring my own toothpaste though, because...

I never bring my own toothpaste though, because...
...I have no teeth!

When going on a weekend camping trip, always bring your...

When going on a weekend camping trip, always bring your...gameboy and walkman. You never know when sitting around staring at trees might become tedious. Wait I forgot about campfire songs and smores. Nevermind.

If I had to go on a camping trip I have to choose a location that absolutely had...

If I had to go on a camping trip I have to choose a location that absolutely had no trees, shrubs, wildlife, insects, or fresh air. It is essential that I avoid these things because...