Two minutes...go!

[aliantha]

And with that, he shut up.

[Linna Heartbooger]

It's great, Linna.

I think that one is an example of me giving the -right- details, so that the readers' imagination fills in the rest.
I've been on a Flannery O'Connor kick, and I think she does that.


michaelm- Nice dialogue!
The dude is so obtuse... the dialogue goes on for soooo long it was starting to get painful for me, and yet, that conversation happens all the time.


sorus- look forward to seeing your writing again, when you can!
I won't be all

(But of course, now that you've seen that emoticon...)

[Linna Heartbooger]

You know you're dysfunctional when...
Your 'fix' of your kid's glasses, (a twist tie) breaks when your family is out.
So you whip another twist-tie out of your purse and fix it. (again)
It was easy enough, because you had a twist-tie in a special, easy-to-find place in your purse.
And had the paper part alredy taken off.
So you coud, you know, fix your kid's glasses.

"Dysfunctionality is power"?

[aliantha]

That's not dysfunctional -- that's *resourceful*.

(You know they sell those little eyeglass-fix kids at the drugstore for a just a couple of bucks, right? )

[Linna Heartbooger]

Flavortext:
"So we are always of good courage."
(2 Cor 5:6a, ESV Bible translation)

"A man and a woman sit side at a table littered with scraps of an ancient map.
The man studies ancient languages and pieces together some the map.
The woman imagines how she might tell explain the geography to fellow travelers.
Their resources seem sufficient to the task at hand."
(2 mins, 40 s for typing, thought out beforehand.)

"The light they have, especially, seems sufficient; the night is far gone.
The woman looks up and checks something on the laptop.
She looks at her husband, 'I don't know; think someone I'm in touch with may have a question about the territory.
I know you don't expect these people to take us seriously...
But what was that thing you always say people should do... 'Make an appropriate request'?
Can I have you look at some of what this person has said?"
(over 3 mins, partly thought out beforehand.)

(You know they sell those little eyeglass-fix kids at the drugstore for a just a couple of bucks, right? )

well, pretty much.
the damage is a different kind than those will handle.
But that alone does not explain why I haven't picked up an eyeglass kit yet!

[Sorus]

"You aren't going to write that."

"I don't see why not."

"No one will ever take you seriously."

"Do you think that bothers me?"

"Maybe it should."

"I should have sold out back when I still had some market value."

"Maybe you never did."

"Perhaps not."

"They'll figure it out eventually."

"Not if I can keep the misdirection going."

"You'll slip one of these days."

"We'll see."

[Linna Heartbooger]

My figurative "muse" has struck again, I would say!
Ironies abound:

Ever since Gurpreet became a Christian, he had hung a long blanket up in his house to block out a little corner.
Everyone knew what it was for.
You or I would say there was barely enough space in his dwelling for a body to move about without tripping over a pot of rice or a small child.
His family complained.
And when that didn't work, they took the gossip to the village.
Even though he'd said nothing to explain it, his family knew what the cloth-walled corner was because of the stream of words that issued from that part of the house at what we might call "an ungodly hour."
His prayer closet.
(Just over 3 mins.)

I think this is one of the most compelling things I've written, and I'm happy about it. <3
I'm thinking I was not unmarked by the ironies of The Twilight Zone episode "Eye of the Beholder"...


Sorus- I want to know whether that is a continuation of your major story, or a dialog that came to you.
(sorry; if I had been following the main story more thoroughly, I maybe wouldn't have to ask that.)

Edit: an ungodly hour. Can't... refrain... from correcting self.

[aliantha]

Interesting that Gurpreet believes he need to hide his prayers. Or is the blanket to give himself a little privacy in what would appear to be a chaotic household?

I think Sorus's is a continuation of her original story, yeah. If you were going to edit it (aieeee nonononono shut up ali), I'd put a little stage direction in between "Maybe it should" and the next line -- a little pause for the line to sink in, both for the reader and for the other character in the story. But these are first drafts, so I REALLY AM SHUTTING UP NOW.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Interesting that Gurpreet believes he need to hide his prayers.

It's from Jesus' admonition to "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them."
So, it's both to be:
* (in the negative) -not- choosing his words / subjects of prayer / length of time he prays to just to impress the eyeballs around him, and
* (in the positive) -to- in an honest way, truly be intentionally speaking to God.

It's supposed to be that Gurpreet thinks like a follower of Jesus, unlike many of us who call ourselves Christians in America today.

Not sure if that's interesting, or more than you wanted to hear! (feel free to say, either way!)

Or is the blanket to give himself a little privacy in what would appear to be a chaotic household?

And yes, this is a definite secondary reason!

[Sorus]

Sorus- I want to know whether that is a continuation of your major story, or a dialog that came to you.
(sorry; if I had been following the main story more thoroughly, I maybe wouldn't have to ask that.)

What actually happened was I wrote the next installment of my main story and wasn't happy with the direction it took (also, it went waaaay over two minutes), so what I posted was basically an internal argument about where that story needs to go. (Not as interesting, perhaps, but in my defense, it did take two minutes.) And maybe I could incorporate it into the storyline...

[Linna Heartbooger]

White silken sails, billows-filled,
Almond-white-washed deck of wood,
Silver masts glistening under the moon,
and star-encrusted decks shimmering under the reflected skies,
the Faerie-ship advanced, then turned its prow and set its course into the gathering mists.
typed it up in about two-and-a-half mins, but I created something like this a few days ago.
Wanted to post it.

Sorus- haha; well, I found the story pretty interesting.
This "Cassandra" woman sounds like the female warrior/spec-ops character type in one of my favorite authors' writings ...but I haven't seen him do -much- from their POV's, so I was finding it fun.
It's like she has such a tight rein on her thoughts, if I remember correctly.

It's supposed to be that Gurpreet thinks like a follower of Jesus, unlike many of us who call ourselves Christians in America today.

Btw, I am sort of embarrraaassed I made this unbecoming rant about Christians in America.

[Linna Heartbooger]

You should always ask, "what's deeper inside the house?"
"What am I not seeing? Where would she hide the information that's most private?"
Even for common decency, if not to try to figure things out ahead of your enemy.
(About two mins.)

He wasn't prepared to play the game like someone who had watched the movie "Inception" and understood it.
And apparently he had not noticed the weapons for righteousness I carried in my left hand and in my right. (They were invisible, after all.)
So I had him.
He thought I was trapped... that he had me, but did not know what he was walking in to.
(A bit over 2 mins.)

It was just after the breakup, and my recent illness was, apparently a great excuse for him to get some time alone with me?
"I want to come over to

your apartment and pray for you.
Really?
Did he think I was desperate? Had he not noticed I was different from most of the other college age women he knew,

(To be continued...)

[Linna Heartbooger]

(Continuation of earlier story. "Paragraph" breaks indicate increments of about two or three minutes.)

or did he think that my apparent innocence made me naive? But I chose the time and told him when he could come over.

As usual, I asked the question: "How are you?"
And kept him more than at arms length while he first talked about his symptoms, than seamlessly flowed into ranting about how much he'd been wounded by Tamara.

After about three minutes I couldn't take it anymore.
I popped the question.
"Do you think Tamra might not have a thing to say for herself if she were here right now?"

I have to admit that as I watched his mouth prepare itself for an act of self-justification, and thought of what I planned to do, I almost lost my nerve.

This setup seemed so unfair.
But my cousin Bo's words, echoing in my mind, held me steadily to my purpose:
He had said, "Remember, you don't have to fight fair."

So I held up my hand.
And then I opened my mouth.
"Tamra, you can come join us now."
The door to the back room, previously only open a crack, creaked open wide.

I don't think I'd ever seen a man more disoriented in my life.
____________________

Okay, I feel like I did a really good job overall there.
Since I'm feeling all positive, I want to know... anyone's up for it..
How realistic do the characters seem?
How do people think the flow is?

[aliantha]

Ooooohhh...

[Linna Heartbooger]

Thought this one could have resonance...
(At least that's what I think I'm hearing.)

Also I really do mean that part about wanting constructive criticism.
On this piece. Right now.
I think.

And now, Narnian fanfic set in the story of "The Silver Chair."

Golg longingly eyed the other gnomes... why must he be trapped in the webbed paw of this overgrown, froggy man-beast? Freedom was so new, so fresh... He could smell it but the taste was still out of reach. Would the Queen come find them and reassert her grasp again? Oh, to be gripped in the iron claw of slavery... never to see the warm red glow of Bism: this is what he feared.

[Sorus]

"Tell me what happened out there."

She already knows too much - beyond even the official reports.

"Seems a pretty big coincidence, don't you think? Being sent to such a crucial time and place in history."

I don't know what to say.

"The way I see it, there are three options." She raises three fingers in illustration.

"One, that your presence here is deliberate. That the entire mission was planned." She gives me a hard look. I shake my head. She lowers a finger.

"Two, that the events were not as significant as you think. The key turning point between our two timelines has not yet occurred, and we may still be on track for the future you remember." Another finger down while that is still sinking in.

"And last, that maybe it was one epic cosmic coincidence, and we're all going to live happily ever after." She lowers her hand, adding dryly, "I don't think we can afford to count on that."

[Linna Heartbooger]

I eyed the gray-haired old farmer while he spoke.
He pointed out over green fields as he explained.
"When a dog... like that neighbors from over yonder... gets a taste of chicken... then it's all over. It'll always chase chickens. You can pen it up, but it won't do no good."

sorus-
I like what you're saying w/ punctuation choices, and internal monologue.
Within the story, I like option #2 existing - at least hypothetically.
(Of course, I don't know how much pain it will cost, within-world.)

It's there anything in specific that you don't like about how stuff in this story has turned out?
(with regard to technique and such)

[Sorus]

Trying to maintain perspective, in that I know the backstory and have a pretty good idea where it's going, but I also have to take into account that anyone else trying to follow it doesn't have access to that whole big picture. It's becoming a bit more fanfic-y than I had originally intended, but I think that was probably inevitable.

[Linna Heartbooger]

It started out as a perfect Saturday.
I slept in, and woke to coffee and French toast with mom.
My little angels actually were acting like little angels that morning... well, as much as you can expect, you know.
When I told Zoe that she couldn't come with me, I got a brief pout... (She's gonna break some boys' hearts someday.)
___________

...but I countered her little 4-year-old drama queen pity-party with a laughing, "But.. but... grandma!"
It sure worked better than "Mommy needs time to spend with her friends, just like you have time to spend with Evelin and Alejandra."

I know because I've now tried both these approaches.
___________

Think those each took about 3 to 4 minutes.

Btw, aliantha... I actually was counting that other story as "finished as is".... one of those vignettes that leaves the working out of the details to the readers' imaginations.
Awful of me, right?

Sorus- I'm not sure I can put a finger on what is fan-ficy about it... Is it really resembling a particular author or series you've read?

[Sorus]

Sorus- I'm not sure I can put a finger on what is fan-ficy about it... Is it really resembling a particular author or series you've read?

It has roots in a known universe. I was trying to break away from those roots, but they seem to want to dig in deeper. I need to either admit that it's fanfic, or break away in a direction that the story really doesn't want to go.

Been trying the second option, but not getting very far in two minutes. Or three. Or five.