Kevin's Watch

(I’m too sexy...)

Candid Chutney Recapture

It didn’t matter that his elbows were on the table – with no one there to see, he could eat with candid directness. Chicken with chutney disappeared behind his newspaper and reappeared as smears on his cheeks. He had to recapture his napkin from the floor at the end of his luxuriant meal.


Easter
galleon
whine

Easter galleon whine

The indigenous Striped Marketing Behemoth known as Easter heaved its bulk ponderously from foot to foot, then turned and lurched into the opalescent waters. Afloat, Easter was much more nimble, and began to propell itself at barely subsonic speeds towards the distant galleon. The only warning the crew received of the imminent arrival of this monster of display stands and chocolate eggs was the shrill whine of the air parting at its approach.

testicular
mouse
apocolyptic

testicular mouse apocalyptic

My newspaper continually wants to update me on the latest research on what causes testicular cancer. But my question is this: what if all these carefully conducted experiments just prove that a mouse is more cancer-prone than a human? Surely the USA Today could come up with something a little more interesting, without being depressing or outright apocalyptic about it <sigh>.

argent quiescent dirt

argent quiescent dirt

through flaming argent whisps the golden wraiths sang,
so quiescent was the spider not notied was the sting it brang,
It ate the wraiths in its hole in the dirt, yum yum.

argent quiescent dirt

through flaming argent whisps the golden wraiths sang,
so quiescent was the spider not notied was the sting it brang,
It ate the wraiths in its hole in the dirt, yum yum.

korchnoi ventolin sopistocated

korchnoi ventolin sophisticated

After my last chess match against Korchnoi, I was hospitalized. The brutal demands of my sport left me breathlessly asthmatic, with large doses of ventolin my only succor. So much stress, and so little to show for it; perhaps I should opt for a less sophisticated past-time...

kernel juxtaposition wedge

after i ate my last kernel of corn i watched tv for a while. eventually the juxtaposition of the programs bugged me too much so i grapped the tv under my arm. after i carried it to the window i too out the wedge and threw it out and watched it wall down 409 stories high and killed a seagull on the pavement that was sitting eating a squashed pie that someone left sitting down and was stood on by my flatmate who has herpes and running sores on his back they're so gross i have to bandage them for him soc he cant reach but its his fault for eating pies and getting too fat haha .

haere mai - shimmy - coitus

haere mai - shimmy - coitus

“Haere Mai” is a sizzling Gauguin landscape painted in Tahiti. The sultry, lingering sunlight seems to make the horizon shimmy with heat. Yet the foreground is cool and inviting to couples looking, as Gauguin must have been, for relaxed coitus.

www.guggenheimcollection.org/site/artis ... _50_1.html

dragging
effervescent
tamper

dragging effervescent tamper

Here I am, dragging myself to work again despite my miserable winter cold. My hope is that this effervescent cold medicine will soothe the worst of the symptoms, if only for a moment. Now, if only I can get THE BLASTED TAMPER-RESISTANT PACKAGING OPEN!

caliper greasy fetish

DW

griupping the caliper tightly the plumber measured the last pipe to be fitted. once it was screwed in, he just had to apple the greasy seal to finish it. plumming was not a job to this man, this lover of metal pipes, it was to him as a fetish is to a lover of fetishes.

arcane drum framed

I'm not going to be able to play any more until they fix the color scheme, because this one makes my eyes and stomach hurt too much to think.

Vain said he was just toying around with the colours and didnt much like the brown, anyway.

Thanks, Ur-Vile. That's a relief. I guess we just need to wait a bit, then. I was envisioning trying to mod...

Yeah, it's starting to hurt my eyes right now.

OK, I can see a bit now. I’m composing on Word.

arcane drum framed

Muttering something arcane, the magician stomped over to the table and thumped down before his plate. When no food arrived, his fingers began to drum. By the time his meal arrived, the waiter’s dejected face was framed by beagle’s ears.


pill
temporal
icing

pill temporal icing

The pill would be enough to activate the deja-vu gland in the adept's head. This way, he could escape the temporal laws and send his disembodied consciousness anywhere in time. Having the ability to instruct his younger self would be the icing on the cake.

Stint
Curry
Legatee

Stint
Curry
Legatee


During my early teens i endured a brief stint as a chef. Until a little mishap with a batch of curry I had concocted. I was the legatee of twelve generations of master chefs, but it seems the fineesse my forefathers possessed had passed me by.

ubiquitous
conflagration
querulous

ubiquitous conflagration querulous

The Harry Potter books are ubiquitous throughout the reading world. It is the fulfillment of many a dream, having the power to create a conflagration with the zap of a wand. It might make the rest of the world a tad querulous if such powers were used freely.

boxed
final
tamarind

boxed final tamarind

It had ceased to be enjoyable, rummaging through the boxed materials left in the cellar of the old manor. My function as executor was to carry out Lord Vikrym's final wishes, but I felt more like a janitor, or a jaded voyeur. In the midst of many dusty trinkets, I found a leather pouch protecting old love letters, including one postmarked from Singapore, that contained pressed tamarind leaves, and a hint of jasmine perfume.

panacea cromlech buxom