Kevin's Watch

The IRS stating you overpaid your taxes by $50 is as unlikely as frying an egg on the back of a baby rhinocerous on a hot summer's day.

frying an egg on the back of a baby rhinocerous on a hot summer's day is as much fun as leading all posters in mallory posts.

Leading all posters in mallory posts is as short-lived as a mayfly in a thunderstorm being chased by a crazy pre-adolescent wanna-be etymologist.

being a mayfly in a thunderstorm being chased by a crazy pre-adolescent wanna-be etymologist is like being Johnny Depp's assistant speech writer during the Golden Globes ceremony as translated by Univision.

Johnny Depp's assistant speech writer during the Golden Globes ceremony as translated by Univision is like getting punched in the face with a flaming, iron fist wrapped in barbed wire and dripping with battery acid.

Getting punched in the face with a flaming, iron fist wrapped in barbed wire and dripping with battery acid is like listening to the latest Kanye West song.

Listening to the latest Kanye West song is like taking a large knitting needle and jamming it into your brain sideways and then pouring lemon juice in the hole

Taking a large knitting needle and jamming it into your brain sideways and then pouring lemon juice in the hole is like laying your legs over the railway tracks to cut off your leg to cure a hangnail.

Laying your legs over the railway tracks to cut off your leg to cure a hangnail is like pulling all of your nose hairs out at once using a coil of rusty barbed wire, magnets and dull razor blades.

Likle a midget at a urinal, I knew I would have to stay on my toes.

pulling all of your nose hairs out at once using a coil of rusty barbed wire, magnets and dull razor blades is like explaining nuclear physics to an Oompa Loompa

explaining nuclear physics to an Oompa Loompa is like shaving your head with a length of rusty barbed wire attached to a baseball bat

shaving your head with a length of rusty barbed wire attached to a baseball bat is like trying to explain to your significant other why you are laughing to tears over something you just saw in Mallory's

laughing to tears over something you just saw in Mallory's is like getting ticked on the soles of your feet by a wicked feather taken from the Great Bird of the Galaxy.

WHY IS TO WHAT AS HOW IS TO BREAKFAST

WHY IS TO WHAT AS HOW IS TO BREAKFAST is like going to a discussion thread and knocking it clean off its foundation by posting something just close enough to the proper format as to give the next poster a tiny crack at moving forward with the game but just wacky enough to give said poster difficulty figuring out how to get things back on track.

Knocking a thread clean off its foundation by posting something just close enough to the proper format as to give the next poster a tiny crack at moving forward with the game but just wacky enough to give said poster difficulty figuring out how to get things back on track is like trying to have a civil discussion in the Tank.

Trying to have a civil discussion in the Tank is like making a toothpick pie out of tea leaves and broken glass beer bottles.

Trying to make a toothpick pie out of tea leaves and broken glass beer bottles is like trying to build a house of cards in a hurricane.

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