JemCheeta wrote:Well, I'm really curious about this, but if you're unsure, then I really don't have much to say. Except that I assume at one point or another, for reasons that seem to be unknown to you, you decided that it would be better for you to behave differently than you were. Distaste in onesself would be a very good condition for change in behaviour.
Been thinking about this, and as things often do when you think about them, some of it becomes clearer to me. Not the actual reason, but the circumstances.
Thinking about it, I can seperate it into two independant sections, seperated from each other by some time. The first was when I decided to only ever be honest. Of course, having done so, I immediately took it to the unpleasant extreme of speaking my mind, no matter what. Of never pulling any punches, of excusing insults by the reasoning that they were honestly felt and thought. As Heinlein said, "Only a sadist or a scoundrel tell the bald truth at social occaisions."
All during this time, I was taking as much LSD as I could get my hands on, and it was giving me very interesting insights, not only into the workings of reality,

but into those of my own mind and personality.
Then I started to travel, and had the great good fortune to fall in with some people who, simply through their actions and philosophies, proved a good influence on me. The change they engendered wasn't immediate, (especially as these were the heights of my Cocaine years, which has very nasty effects on your personality) but within a year or so, I'd completely given up the coke, and perhaps started to think about the effects of my behaviour on others.
Now, having thought about this long and hard, I wonder if it was a question of balance. I tend toward a neutral alignment always, and perhaps it was a question of swinging the balance the other way. First, I went to the opposite extreme, in the mistaken impression that that was any better, and then slowly I reached some sort of equilibrium, which effectively maintains itself.
Nathan-- An "arbitrary" choice isn't the same as having one made for you. It simply means that both options have an equal weighting. The very fact that one was chosen, and not the other, demonstartes, to me, that there is free will. I could as easily have gone the other way, and stayed a horrible bastard. I
chose not to.
It may be a good reason, but the other way has its advantages too. More advantages, in fact. It could be said that I deliberately chose a path that was
not in my best interests, except intellectually. In all material senses, I'd be better off if I'd stayed the way I was. Certainly I would have lost nothing tangible.
I choose to act in contradiction with my desires. In contradiction to many of the ways that my experiences suggest will be of the greatest benefit to me. Every time I stand on the cusp of one action or another I experience the problems associated with free will.
--Avatar