Depression

[aliantha]

Glad to hear you're getting help, Lina. (And thanks for posting. I'd been afraid that my post about the L.W. had killed the discussion. I mean, she *was* quite the show-stopper, but that wasn't what I meant to do. )

But this idea of denying your own needs for a long time resonates with me. ...and it sometimes feels like the people who tell you to meet your own needs as well are living in La-La Land. Particularly if you're a single parent. ("Oh sure, buddy, and how am I supposed to do that when I'm the only one here to watch the kids 24/7 and I don't have the money or time or energy to find a sitter?")

Sigghhhh... yeahhh... I think our society doesn't "know what to do with" single parents. Probably even LESS when your kids were young!

And it's so much easier for people to tell you what you "should" do, (and maybe they are even CORRECT in their assessment) than to put forth some effort to make it possible for you!

True dat. And more or less the same people were then kind of shocked when I said I was looking forward to having the kids go off to college so that I could be responsibility-free. And when they asked whether I wouldn't be lonely, and I laughed uproariously in response, they *really* didn't get it. How anybody could think that having time and space to attend to ten years of repressed personal needs could equal "lonely".... (The youngest graduates from college next month and will be moving home again for awhile. So now I get to adjust to having somebody living with me again, oh joy... )

What you're describing is not just a belief that you're worthless, but a search outside yourself for someone to tell you you're not. And of course, due to being depressed, you're likely just going to snarl at that person and tell them how wrong they are -- if not at first, then eventually.

BINGO! =) My counselor noticed something very perceptive, noticing that in every direction, I had "walled myself off" from believing I could do certain things.

Yes. Of course, allegedly normal people do the same thing. Altho maybe not to the same degree.

[Cambo]

Unfortunately, more often than not I'm depressed for no reason at all...

Just noticed you'd said this... I think that statement is a fallacy.. But I think what you really meant wasn't -exactly- "no reason at all."

No, not exactly. Sometimes there's no identifiable reason, but an underlying trigger. And sometimes it's more like being depressed about everything than nothing.

I had meant to tell you.. me talking to ppl on this forum while I was depressed -is- my great experiment in trying to "show a bit of myself while depressed." Thanks for doing your part in making this a place where people are listened to.

You're very welcome. This is a wonderful place.

As I am experimenting with "accepting help from others while depressed." My friend came over and CLEANED my house for a couple of hours these past two weeks. (well, she "helped me" - but she did the lion's share of the work.) And that was such a lovely gift, because she took away my shame of having a messy house!

Btw, I had a -really- great session with my counselor last week, and have been mostly "out of the woods" for the past 2 weeks. Also not dreading future depression like a sword of Damocles hanging over my head atm.

That's great to hear!

[Fist and Faith]

I don't get strep throat, poison ivy, or headaches. Seriously, I've torn poison ivy off of trees and out of the ground for people without wearing gloves, and I can eat icecream as fast as I want. We all have such immunities, I imagine. I guess my immunity to the kind of depression and feeling of worthlessness you folks are usually talking about is the same kind of thing. I just don't have it. I'm so confident I'm arrogant. I'm well aware of (at least some of) my weaknesses/blindspots, but that doesn't mean I'm not entirely sure of myself. Yeah, terribly sad things are terribly sad. As I said, there's no name for the kind of pain I felt, and still feel, from moving out of my kids' house. But that's a normal reaction to a terrible situation. Not the same thing you folks are talking about.

I don't say all this to brag. Really. I just figured I have a different perspective than you. It might help now and then? I don't know.

[Cambo]

Anytime you treat a person with respect and compassion, when you listen honestly to what they have to say, and try to understand, you are helping. A depressed person may not admit or treat you as such, but nevertheless.

You don't know what my experience of depression is like any more than you know what my mystical experiences are like. But that doesn't mean it's useless to talk to you about such things. A different perspective can make a world of difference- literally .

[Avatar]

I have a purple mohawk, so I changed my avatar to match.

Whoaahh... it appears you're the second South African I know to have a mohawk and wildly-dyed hair. And my friend Jane said ppl in SA looked at her really weirdly when she had green hair, so I think this data sample is anomalous.

Nope, people look at me really weirdly too. Children's reactions are my favourite. (Yeah, it's not that common here.)

--A

[Linna Heartbooger]

JemCheeta, btw, thanks for speaking up like that... yeah, I didn't know what "borderline" was.

But the borderline person doesn't 'hear' that, they only hear that you are accusing them of being a bad person.

...

Did she see everything in black and white...good or bad, love or hate....right or wrong with no grey areas in her thought processes?

I was thinking... that those two would be likely to be connected. =/ If the borderline person has done anything wrong, and actually allows him/herself to see that...then he/she will feel "all bad."

I definitely have some of these characteristics in my struggle. Btw... lorin, what you'd said about not "knowing how to be happy" was possibly one of the saddest things (Foamfollower would have something good to say about "the saddest tale") I saw posted on this whole thread... :grouphug:

What you said about "rather cope with major depression than borderline"... maybe because borderline is like that saying... "we have found the enemy! and he is us!"

vraith- good for you for taking the initiative and wanting to investigate this... I think that therapists should *LOVE* people who come in with a list of questions... whether they do or not, I am sure, varies.

ali- don't worry, I had -plenty- of post-fodder brewing in my head. It's just that I am a perfectionist & feel internal pressure to not speak unless I can be wise and gentle and scintillating. (or at least I need to have the luxury of seeing myself that way!?!) So yeah, perfectionism and feeling like I have to say something to -everyone- on the thread... also can both be boundary issues...

Yeah, the LW sounds like an interesting character. And I'm sure she just relished being a "show-stopper"...ack, we're playing into her hand!

[aliantha]

Yeah, the LW sounds like an interesting character. And I'm sure she just relished being a "show-stopper"...ack, we're playing into her hand!

My family's not -- not any more, anyhow. She divorced my ex four or five years ago. The girls and I have been more than happy to drop her and her drama from our lives (whew!).

[Fist and Faith]

Yeah, you put your finger on it. Pretty much the most horrifying thing imaginable.

I might have agreed with you, until I saw this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

[lorin]

i saw this and thought that anyone going through a depression may really appreciate this. It really hit home with me.

www.wimp.com/loveyourself/

[aliantha]

i saw this and thought that anyone going through a depression may really appreciate this. It really hit home with me.

www.wimp.com/loveyourself/

That's almost NSFW, but not for the usual reasons -- I was nearly in tears at my desk. What a great scene. Thanks, lorin.

[rdhopeca]

Yeah, you put your finger on it. Pretty much the most horrifying thing imaginable.

I might have agreed with you, until I saw this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

I don't know how you can possibly justify posting something like this. I am fairly certain we've banned people for less...

[Fist and Faith]

Yeah, good scene! I'd like to see the movie.

Also, this is funny:
"Look into the mirror. What do you see?"
"I see an exceptional girl."
"Thank you. Next to her, what do you see?"

Reminds me of a scene from the last ep of Cheers.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgHoIj477HQ&feature=related
The important part of the scene starts at 2:27. The punchline (and the part the reminds me of lorin's link) is at 5:25.


And to keep going with this tangent , here's the best moment ever in Cheers. Almost the end of the same, the final, episode:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wArl_1aAdE&feature=related
Start at 3:30. The punchline is less than 25 seconds later.

[Cambo]

Yeah, you put your finger on it. Pretty much the most horrifying thing imaginable.

I might have agreed with you, until I saw this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

Oh, you wanna play this game? Watch and weep

Oh, and Lorin, that's a beautiful video. When I had cyclic depression, I hated seeing myself in a mirror, because all I saw was ugliness and unworth. It took me a long, long time to look at myself and see beauty and love.

[lorin]

NSFW

NSFW? could you translate for the lingo illiterate? I just figured out what LMAO meant.

[Fist and Faith]

I googled it. Not Safe For Work.

[Vraith]

I googled it. Not Safe For Work.

Lucky you...I only know what it means cuz of:
me: "Warn me next time! I can't look at that stuff at WORK"
friend: "It says NSFW in the subject line, man."
THEN I googled it.

[rdhopeca]

I might have agreed with you, until I saw this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

Oh, you wanna play this game? Watch and weep

Stop. Please. In the name of....well, never mind that. Just stop.

[Vraith]

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

Oh, you wanna play this game? Watch and weep

Stop. Please. In the name of....well, never mind that. Just stop.

I agree...you guys are ruining a perfectly good major depressive episode with laughter.
Funniest thing...the church girl has a day for "Worship Practice?"
what's the skill set? Palm-pressing, deep head-bows, knee drops?
And mullet man looks a lot like a guy who taught voice at musicians institute when I was there, if it were curly hair instead of straight.

[lorin]

I might have agreed with you, until I saw this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Oh...

My...

God...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg

Oh, you wanna play this game? Watch and weep

Oh, and Lorin, that's a beautiful video. When I had cyclic depression, I hated seeing myself in a mirror, because all I saw was ugliness and unworth. It took me a long, long time to look at myself and see beauty and love.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Th1HgtYuMY&feature=related

[Linna Heartbooger]

There's more, but I feel I've exhausted my cred with those aphorisms.

Exhausted your cred? For me at least, your cred has gone from neutral (I don't believe we've met- I'm Cambo, relative noob )... to source of wisdom.

I, too, have learnt lessons in the dark. I previously told my counsellor that given the choice, I probably wouldn't remove my depression. It taught me too much. She was rather taken aback

Btw, just two days ago, my counsellor was saying, "most people don't realize that depression necessarily doesn't HAVE to be... a bad thing..." So I thought of you saying this. =)

So I come here to say that.. trying to inspire you to covet thy neighbor's shrink, (do you call someone that whether they prescribe meds or not?) and I find... this. Dude, I am so not clicking your links. (but I am interested in seeing a couple of the videos posted which are not part of the "competition")

P.S. This is GREAT:

I agree...you guys are ruining a perfectly good major depressive episode with laughter.