Kevin's Watch

Jenn, I've had days like that, when it seems that fate is conspiring against you to make your commute as long and unpleasant as possible.

Sarge, I'm glad the funeral went well.

Cambo, that sucks. I've had friends try to commit suicide, though they never succeeded. Hopefully your coworker handles it alright... it sounds like you guys had a good experience on the walk, though.

been home sick all day today. slept until about an hour ago.

should be ok for tomorrow.

I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate.

Bonus points if you recognize the quote.

Sorus wrote:I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate.

Bonus points if you recognize the quote.

i didn't but do i get points for googling? heh.

Cambo, Sarge, Sorus and Jenn:

Had a great time this weekend with lorin, danlo and Magickmaker. Left between 6:30pm and 6:45pm to head home. Shoulda been home well before midnight, but we didn't get here 'til 1:45am. First, it took us over an hour to get to the Garden State Parkway. Then I forgot that the Parkway doesn't connect directly with the NJ Turnpike, and I didn't realize I'd missed the turn 'til we were nearly to Atlantic City (even tho Magickmaker's GPS on her phone kept telling me to get off NOW ). So we got on the Atlantic City Expressway and eventually found our way out of NJ...only to be stopped several times due to traffic volume and construction. Arrgh. Going to work today anyhow. Hope I don't nod off at my desk....

Speaking of highways in NJ: Would someone please explain to me why the major highways don't intersect?? Not only do you have to get on some bogus state road to get from the Garden State Pkwy to the NJ Turnpike, but the Atlantic City Expressway ends short of the NJ Turnpike too -- we got routed through some little town to the turnpike entrance. Madness!

Think of it as New Jersey tourism.
Seriously, I know how frustrating it is to go through that when you really already want to just be home.


dw

Yup. It got to the point where any time a driver in front of me tapped his brakes, I wanted to...uh...speak sharply to him/her.

aliantha wrote:
Speaking of highways in NJ: Would someone please explain to me why the major highways don't intersect?? Not only do you have to get on some bogus state road to get from the Garden State Pkwy to the NJ Turnpike, but the Atlantic City Expressway ends short of the NJ Turnpike too -- we got routed through some little town to the turnpike entrance. Madness!

I think you are geographically challenged. ALL the majors in Joysee intersect at least once. If they intersected more than once, then they would be going in circles (like a certain DC highway I hesitate to name) or they would all be going in the same direction.

I'm sorry, no.

In New Jersey:

Google Maps wrote:20. Slight right onto I-295 N/Delaware Turnpike (signs for Del Mem Br/NJ-Ny)
Continue to follow I-295 N
Entering New Jersey
About 7 mins
go 6.5 mi
21. Slight left onto US-40 E
Toll road
About 1 min
go 0.9 mi
22. Continue onto New Jersey Turnpike N
Toll road
About 1 hour 6 mins
go 59.5 mi
23. Take exit 7A toward I-195 E
Toll road
About 1 min
go 0.8 mi
24. Keep right at the fork and merge onto I-195 E
Partial toll road
About 26 mins
go 27.9 mi
25. Continue onto NJ-138 E
go 0.4 mi
26. Take the exit toward Garden State Pkwy N
go 0.2 mi

In a *normal* state:

Google Maps would have wrote:20. Slight right onto I-295 N/Delaware Turnpike (signs for Del Mem Br/NJ-Ny)
Continue to follow I-295 N
Entering New Jersey
21. Slight left onto New Jersey Turnpike N (I-195 E)
Toll road
22. Take the exit toward Garden State Pkwy N

lucimay wrote:

Sorus wrote:I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate.

Bonus points if you recognize the quote.

i didn't but do i get points for googling? heh.

Yup, you get points. And just like the points I'm earning at work, they're utterly worthless. Sorry.

Actually, it's more to the point that working a ghastly shift on your day off once is worth points, working a ghastly shift on your day off for a month (or two or three) is taken for granted. The trick is to complain just enough that you remind them not to take it for granted, but not enough to be a nuisance, since there's really no point in making an issue out of it.

I see, I see. You are right........directions to D.C. are waaaay clearer

Driving directions to Washington D.C., DC
This route has tolls.
This route has restricted usage or private roads.

Entering Delaware
6.6 mi
11. Merge onto I-95 S
Partial toll road
Entering Maryland
59.2 mi
12. Continue onto I-895 S
Partial toll road
10.6 mi
13. Take exit 4 to merge onto MD-295 S/Baltimore-Washington Pkwy toward Balt Pkwy/Wash Pkwy/Bwi Airport
27.4 mi
14. Take the exit onto US-50 W/New York Ave NE toward Washington
Entering District of Columbia
5.2 mi
15. Turn left onto 6th St NW
0.1 mi
16. Take the 2nd right onto Massachusetts Ave NW
0.1 mi
17. Continue onto K St NW
0.1 mi
18. Continue onto New York Ave NW
0.6 mi
19. Turn left onto 15th St NW
0.2 mi
20. Turn right onto E St NW
Partial restricted usage road
0.1 mi

Washington D.C., DC

you are just embarrassed because you, the Big Town girl, got lost. That's ok, you were just having a senior travel moment.

I can't help it if your directions are trying to find the mythical center of Washington, DC! :p

(Actually, your steps 11, 12 and 13 are how we came home. We stuck to the Beltway after that, tho. No way I'd take New York Ave. NE after dark... )

The thing that threw me off when I missed the turn is that the exit sign said "State Rt. 138 to I-195" -- it didn't mention the NJ Turnpike, which is what I was looking for, at all. So yeah, I kind of had a senior moment. But the signage could have been clearer.

I've been looking at so many rentals today my head is spinning. I think we found one very, very promising rental, though. It's an actual HOUSE! A HOUSE!

My other problem is we need a second car. My son starts school (!!!!) this year, but we're not sure he'd be able to ride the bus alone. I'm able to work weekends, so being there for him at the bus stop isn't going to be a problem; he just might not feel safe riding alone, albeit he's very excited for it. But I figure it's time for a second car, anyways.

So very many decisions to make.

Of course he can ride the bus alone.

--A

I feel drained. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore, who I am anymore. I feel like even if I did know those things I would just not know how to get it or how to be me anymore. I think I am clinically depressed. I called Lady Tam yesterday and I wanted to talk to her about everything but when she answered the phone I became reticent and distant. Same thing with Damelon. I feel like I am in a bubble of self doubt, self pity, stagnancy and frustration and i don't know how to vent it or get out of it. Most of all I feel like I've lost my confidence in myself and that scares me the most. I feel like I need to cry but I can't and I don't want to but I do but I can't. I think someone needs to smack me in the head and tell me to get the frack over myself. I dunno. I actually thought about what the repercussions would be if I sorted my belongings, mailed the important stuff to my sister, left the rest for street score and jumped off the golden gate today. NO worries, it ain't gonna happen but I scared me by thinking it. I've got five days of responsibility on my plate to occupy me so I probably won't think it again but still... I thought it. I rationalized it. I planned it and how easy it would be. I must be crazy.

Get a grip woman.

You're having a bad day. You'll survive. Not only will you survive, you'll be back to your old self before you know it.

You're you. You always have been, always will be. The you from yesterday might not be the you you'll be tomorrow, but it'll still be you either way.

One more for luck:

Now smoke a joint and take a hot bath. Breathe deeply. Relax.

--A

Btw, I'm lurking, peoples... wanted to say "sympathies" to sarge, say "I'm so sorry to hear that" to lorin - but then celebrate that lorin, ali and danlo got to visit, and also compliment Cambo on his tact. (I think that actually quite probably -was- one of the most appropriate things you could say.)

Ahh.. I am withdrawing a lot right now. Today umm, actually ended up having some amazingly having good things in it for a day when I'm depressed and retreating, though...?

Cameraman Jenn wrote:I feel like I am in a bubble of self doubt, self pity, stagnancy and frustration and i don't know how to vent it or get out of it.

Ummm, can I just second "what shes said" and apply it to myself and thank you for putting it into words?

Cameraman JennJ wrote:I feel like I need to cry but I can't and I don't want to but I do but I can't.

Ahhhhh!!! YES! I hate that!
(I was actually just thinking of whining on the Depression thread about how I 'physically can't let myself cry' when I feel like I should, even though I know on some level it would be a good idea and everything.)

jaz - whereabouts are you in nh? (pm if you don't want it public knowledge) i have a good friend in concord who may have some leads on houses and such there - if you need. if not, good luck with the house you may have now.

jenn - hugs from me to you. let me know if there is anything i can do. you have my number. as of right this moment i am off begining thursday.

as to some feelings of downess, i have been having that lately. at the funeral i discovered i missed my coworkers because we communicated, talked, laughed, had fun. work is an effin' grind right now, i miss home, i miss you guys, i miss my friend in nh. i missed not going to my reunion and i didn't even get along with most of those people in hs. i need more comic books. (meaning i need more cash)

linna - i know we haven't met, and i am not the type to usually hug. but hugs your way as well. jenn can tell you if they are good hugs or not.

Yeah, I'm with Av, Jenn. Poke-in-the-head-with-a-wet-fish. I know how you feel, but it'll get better...or it'll change, and change is good.


Things in my life are full of meh. Chaos really. Losing my office/bungalow (long story, but has to do with the neighbors and the fact that the bungalow is illegally constructed onto the back of their garden shed that they're ripping down). We put ourselves 4k in debt to buy a caravan to use as an office instead. Unfortunately our house is so small we needed something to put all the sh*t somewhere. So that involved a whole lot of moving, and a weekend putting the brilliant shelving unit/work station we'd erected in the bungalow into SoS's room (he's ready for university now with that set up--even if he is only 7!). And then there's just sh*t everywhere and I've been moving stuff around in the house/caravan for the last two weeks...and looks like I'll be doing it for another two weeks. And we still have to demolish the bungalow in the next day or two, so that when they pull the shed down next door the bungalow doesn't just fall to bits in our back yard. Bah.

But what I'm really bummed out about is this guy that was living across the road from us. We have aged/disability care units across the road. People come and go, people "pass" and go...I guess you could say.

About two weeks ago, me and SoS had come out the front to go down the street and realized there was the guy from the unit across from us lying on the footpath. I went up to him, asked him if he was ok, he was kinda out to it. I thought maybe he was drunk, asked him if he'd been drinking, all that jazz. Managed to get him to his feet (which was a stupid thing to do but I wasn't thinking) and helped him into his unit and then suggested that I put him in his bed. He couldn't walk without support, was so slow, talking slow, all that. I told him I'd call an ambulance, he'd kinda laughed and said "what difference is it to you" but he smiled, and I told him that I wasn't going to leave him there. So, I call the ambulance, wait for them to arrive, and then left. Me and SoS got back from the street to see him being taken away. He hasn't been back since.

Today I saw some people there, went and asked if he was ok. No, he died last night. I don't know who the woman was (perhaps his ex-wife) but this woman introduced me to this young lady (early 20's) who was his daughter. I didn't know what to say.

Life's short, eh. I reckon this guy was only in his 50's.

Cameraman Jenn wrote:I feel drained. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore, who I am anymore. I feel like even if I did know those things I would just not know how to get it or how to be me anymore. I think I am clinically depressed. I called Lady Tam yesterday and I wanted to talk to her about everything but when she answered the phone I became reticent and distant. Same thing with Damelon. I feel like I am in a bubble of self doubt, self pity, stagnancy and frustration and i don't know how to vent it or get out of it. Most of all I feel like I've lost my confidence in myself and that scares me the most. I feel like I need to cry but I can't and I don't want to but I do but I can't. I think someone needs to smack me in the head and tell me to get the frack over myself. I dunno. I actually thought about what the repercussions would be if I sorted my belongings, mailed the important stuff to my sister, left the rest for street score and jumped off the golden gate today. NO worries, it ain't gonna happen but I scared me by thinking it. I've got five days of responsibility on my plate to occupy me so I probably won't think it again but still... I thought it. I rationalized it. I planned it and how easy it would be. I must be crazy.

smoke a doobie. in a hot bath like Av said. and DO NOT DRINK. alchohol is a freakin DEPRESSANT.

Linna Heartlistener wrote:

Cameraman JennJ wrote:I feel like I need to cry but I can't and I don't want to but I do but I can't.

Ahhhhh!!! YES! I hate that!
(I was actually just thinking of whining on the Depression thread about how I 'physically can't let myself cry' when I feel like I should, even though I know on some level it would be a good idea and everything.)

YOU TOO!

and Sea...YOU AS WELL! you too Sarge!

in fact, everbody go to the 1..2..3 SPARK! thread RIGHT NOW!

you all need loads and loads of hugs and a little bit of synthetic apathy to get you over the bummer hump. (oh wait, Sea...not you, you have loads of work to do!! )

you have to obey me for i am the mod.