I should not be allowed to cook without exact ingredients and very detailed instructions. I don't really have any experience cooking even simple things. And yet, lately I keep feeling the urge to do some highly improvisational cooking.
This is a bad idea.
So, in the interest of "How
Not To Cook", I present:
Cooking With Murrin
So tonight I kind of feel like pasta, something in the vein of spaghetti with meatballs. Of course I don't have any meatballs, so let's see what I am able to pull together:
- Spaghetti (1 month past use by date)
- 3 Ultimate Pork Sausages (frozen)
- 1 jar Dolmio Creamy Sauce for Lasagne
- 1 tub Philadelphia Light low fat cheese spread (bought because I remembered those adverts about using Philadelphia in cooking and vaguely felt like I should try it some time)
There are other things, but I decide not to get too ambitious.
I start by setting a pan of water on full heat, then get bored and go back to my computer for 10 minutes while waiting for it to reach boil. (Don't do this.)
Once the water is boiling, I take it off the heat (well done, me) and add the pasta. I can tell straight away it's going to cook faster than last time I did spaghetti.
Next, I set the sausages defrosting in the microwave. I have never defrosted anything in the microwave before, so I'll have to go back a few times to add more time.
While the spaghetti and sausages are going, I spend 5 minutes trying to decide whether to use 3-months-past-date extra virgin olive oil in the frying pan. It smells a bit funny, but I have no idea what it is supposed to smell like. Finally, I remember we have ordinary cooking oil in the cupboard. Problem: solved.
By this point the sausages are defrosted. I heat the pan, and take a pair of scissors and cut up the sausages, causing half the meat to just spill right out of the skin. I throw these into pan - then jump back to avoid the torrent of spitting oil. The sausages almost immediately go dark brown on one side. I turn the heat down a little.
I'm pretty sure the spaghetti is cooked by now, but I can't really do much about it. I turn the heat down a little.
Once the sausages are looking pretty brown, I tip them out of the pan into a bowl.
Time to try melting a little Philadelphia, then mix in the sauce and sausages and cook it all together.
The Philadelphia spread immediately starts to burn. Abort.
After disposing of the lump of half-burnt cheese spread, I return the sausages to the frying pan to finish cooking, and take an alternative route for the sauce. I add about half the jar of Dolmio lasagne sauce into a saucepan, then throw in a lump of Philadelphia. I stick this on low heat.
It's pretty clear the spaghetti is done by this point. Now it is time to remember that you're meant to lightly salt the water before cooking pasta, and quickly add a pinch as a gesture of futility. I turn the heat right down to the lowest setting.
Time to check the sauce. It's cooking on to the pan a lot like scrambled egg does when unattended. I turn the heat down and start stirring. I also turn the heat off on the sausages, and concentrate on the sauce.
Once the philadelphia seems to have melted and mixed in well with the sauce, I drain the pasta, drop spaghetti & sausages into a bowl, and pour the sauce on top.
The result is...
edible!
Though I couldn't really taste the cheese.
)
First was a salad consisting of Boston, radicchio, frisee and mache lettuces, with walnuts, goat cheese, a couple of apple slices, and a basil vinaigrette.