Loss and Pain
Moderator: Fist and Faith
For those who still have their parents, GET their stories from them first hand while you still got them! My sis has done 'interviews' with my parents in order to compile a family genealogy. My dad was in the tail end of WWII (he's 80, bless!) and he had some really hairy stories about jumping trains to escape being transported to Berlin etc. If you get them written down, with their photos and stuff, it makes an excellent memoir for yourself and your descendants. I'd encourage everyone to do some kind of family history!
"Right away would be good. Right now would be better"
-- Nick Succorso
OK, so what's the speed of dark?- Larry the Cable Guy
Lorelei, this is the first I've seen this post, and I'm so very sorry.
I have no family, and their loss knocked a hole in me that took many years to even begin to heal. There's really no simple way to counter such grief -- I've come to believe that healing is something that happens on its own, over time, and what we must do is survive while it follows its course.
By that I mean: it's okay to suffer. For a long time I felt that my anguish was something I had to fix-- that all negative feelings were somehow a failure on my part, and that it was my job to root them out. My inability to do so, of course, only added feelings of failure to what was already a tremendous burden of suffering.
After many years I stopped fighting it. I made a place for my grief and for a while I actually made time each day to be alone for a bit and simply experience it. It was extremely painful at first, but I kept at it and by slow degrees the sharp anguish transformed itself into peace and understanding. It was one of the greatest lessons of my life -- the peace that remained afterward feels like it's at the core of my being, and very little can touch it. So I would even be able to say that I'm better for having gone through that awful grief, unlikely as that sounds.
I hope responding doesn't come across like presumption -- and I fully understand that what works for one person might not work for another. But if you ever wish to discuss this, feel free to PM me and I'll give you my cell.
All the best to you.
I have no family, and their loss knocked a hole in me that took many years to even begin to heal. There's really no simple way to counter such grief -- I've come to believe that healing is something that happens on its own, over time, and what we must do is survive while it follows its course.
By that I mean: it's okay to suffer. For a long time I felt that my anguish was something I had to fix-- that all negative feelings were somehow a failure on my part, and that it was my job to root them out. My inability to do so, of course, only added feelings of failure to what was already a tremendous burden of suffering.
After many years I stopped fighting it. I made a place for my grief and for a while I actually made time each day to be alone for a bit and simply experience it. It was extremely painful at first, but I kept at it and by slow degrees the sharp anguish transformed itself into peace and understanding. It was one of the greatest lessons of my life -- the peace that remained afterward feels like it's at the core of my being, and very little can touch it. So I would even be able to say that I'm better for having gone through that awful grief, unlikely as that sounds.
I hope responding doesn't come across like presumption -- and I fully understand that what works for one person might not work for another. But if you ever wish to discuss this, feel free to PM me and I'll give you my cell.
All the best to you.
the rue of the melody could not be mistaken
listen well Lorelei...these are the words of a very very wise woman.
Jwaneeta wrote:By that I mean: it's okay to suffer. For a long time I felt that my anguish was something I had to fix-- that all negative feelings were somehow a failure on my part, and that it was my job to root them out. My inability to do so, of course, only added feelings of failure to what was already a tremendous burden of suffering.
After many years I stopped fighting it.
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
Roll of Scotch Tape
- Banned
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:54 am
This was going to be a PM, but what the heck...
Well, we don’t know each other but I was struck at your ability to construct your thoughts so clearly that I felt that I would put an end to my lurking & talk a bit. I don’t have long, but I may be back later in the year after this initial visit. My business is generating money & it is an exciting time for me. However, I don’t enjoy revealing my work to others as most cannot fully appreciate what it is that I do. So, back to you…
These two quotes in particular are very insightful. I do hope that you know, Lorelei, that most people are blind to the exact causes of their pain. It is as if they are driving their car from the backseat, whereas you are quite able to reason & explain exactly what is troubling you. Already, you are ahead.
I suppose that movies like Batman Begins have a new meaning to you. If you haven’t seen it, I would recommend watching it alone as therapy. It will give you a good, powerful cry if you are open to the boy’s emotions after he has to deal with something very difficult; of course what eventually ensues is just pop-culture, but the movie has substance and that’s why it works. You should watch that movie. All of our tears add up, like words on a page; and whether you want to do or not the book will get written. It’s simply easier if you have a couple sessions with media such as movies or books that deal with your specific situation as a way to get through a chapter really quick .
My real advice though, besides once in a while as described above, is actually quite opposite. I believe that in addition to having to write a book with tears, one must also spend time in a jail cell of negativity. However, unlike the book which must be written & where tears must be shed, this does not have to be an entirely depressing experience. I’ve never lived in prison, but from what I gather about it & the not so nice places that I’ve endured, prison is also a state of mind. Those that are “happiest” in that unhappy place are those that think about birds outside that flit past their barred window & for a moment, if just for a restful moment, the bars disappear. So my advice is to surround yourself with healthy things of interest. When I say “yourself”, I mean everything about you; your time, your job space, buy a cheap keyboard & learn music, buy a new software program that helps you do your job better & learn that sucker inside & out.
Reduce things that remind you of them. Put those pictures of mom & dad away. Don’t watch movies or shows that you watched with them, take a break from here if that will help you. Try new foods. In effect, go on vacation from your parents. They aren’t going anywhere & whatever is out there in the silence will still be waiting when you let yourself out of prison. Nothing will change for them; but you will have changed and that will matter. This isn’t about them as much as it is about you. There are things which you will struggle with all your life because of this past year, and far ahead when you conquer the world in your neighborhood you’ll wish that they could have seen you. Right now though, it’s all the other what-if’s and unsaids. You can pretty much drive emotional nails in your head & even really honestly damage yourself. If it gets that bad, then talk to someone and pay them later like the responsible, mature adult you appear to be here. In the meantime, ( no pun intended), escape as much as you can in ways that are moral, ethical, and healthy for you & there will be progress in your life & you’ll be like the woman in prison who gets a degree, who sees birds instead of bars, who lives for the future instead of holding her head in her hands as the hours tick away.
So my advice really is to write a letter to your parents & telling them that you’re going away for awhile, but that you’ll be back when you are ready; and then do that. This can be done as I’ve described with my Batman Begins movie, or maybe Last of the Mohicans would be more your style, or perhaps a book or a night of music, whatever you want to do, maybe even a real letter. Just do it so that you can stop feeling so sorry for yourself inside that prison of hurt you are wearing like the last blanket you’ll ever get in your life & make those first initial steps. Because it really is about “time heals all wounds” in the end, isn’t it? This right now, is probably going to be more about you for awhile. So you have to deal with you.
Well that’s it. I never lost anyone in my life, but I did stay at a holiday inn express. All dry jokes aside, this is a tender time for you; but if you don’t get enough time for you then everyone around you will suffer. I’m not asking you to be callous. I’m asking you to see the beauty of the birds instead of the ugliness of the bars. The only real magic words anyone can give you are these – “The choice is yours – make it”. I can’t coerce you to do anything, I don’t have a recipe for Cookies that makes this go away; all I know is that we all move through this reality despite spite. If you want to be angry at God, be angry at God; He’ll understand. If you want to be angry at the disease or drunk driver or broken heart (I didn’t read what happened…) then be mad. If you miss them or feel yourself picking up the phone, engage in that emotion. It’s really those half-choices that hurt the most in the long-run. It’s when you bottle it up and say, I wasn’t going to really call them, I’m okay, & bite down against something that is inside you that is going to divide your mind against itself like pounding emotional nails in your head. You don’t want to do that. That’s not what I’m saying to do.
Take a vacation from your pain in healthy, moral, ethical ways. That means that alcohol is really bad, because you know that it is bad. Hitting things, indiscriminately expressing any emotion or desire as if it should be fulfilled because *YOU* are in pain, is not good. But feeling pain in front of others is fine as long as you remember that it is okay & quite natural for them to see this in an entirely different way & slowly begin to become concerned about you, which is fine at first but can evolve into less honorable expressions as time passes and you are still not getting better. And of course, this isn’t your fault; you just continue on as best you can through a swamp of dankness that seems to go on in all directions & you just kind of got thrown in the middle of it all. And yet, it is your fault because even though you’ve never been waist deep in a swamp before, people depend on you & you depend on you to get the hell out of that thing. But time heals all wounds & it will take time. FEEL that time! But also, surround yourself with things that will consume your time, because if you do not then these thoughts will be with you until you are out of this prison. The choice is yours to live this thing through & to do it with high character & intelligence or to go though it like an untreated cold in the middle of winter with a deadline & no backup.
I sure hope this helps you. I think it helps me for the writing of it. I’m battling a disease of my own in a way. Like I said, I don’t like to give details, and I do have experience dealing with pain. All I can say is that if you have children & you read all of this up to here, then my advice to you is to show them people in a hospital for accidents, drug/alcohol abuse, spousal abuse, and diseases; then bring them to a couple of jails to see it up close; then watch Saving Private Ryan & ask your son what he thinks his chances would be to live in a war & if it was really about him making good decisions or just plain dumb chance, and then give him a Army signup sheet to think about & hopefully throw away. Explain to them that “a right to an attorney before answering any further questions” means you have just been arrested & the police are collecting evidence, they are not your friends. Show them visual, audible, tangible comparisons of one person’s life (perhaps a teenage parent) compared to another person’s life (who went to college is the same age, but is making great money and their family is going to be wealthy & won’t require the poverty paycheck to paycheck life that so many people live). Don’t just tell them, show them life.
Which is why this nice letter probably won’t work. You’re situation caught me & your words caught me. I swear someone could make this stuff up & I’d bite every time. The truth is that I can’t “Show” you anything. I wish I could Lorelei. I wish I could. It is, and it always will be up to you.
These two quotes in particular are very insightful. I do hope that you know, Lorelei, that most people are blind to the exact causes of their pain. It is as if they are driving their car from the backseat, whereas you are quite able to reason & explain exactly what is troubling you. Already, you are ahead.
Lorelei wrote:*edit*
Part of my issue is that most people that know me personally expect a rational response.......I doubt that my response will be fully rational for some time.
Lorelei wrote: Part of the problem too is that I work alone most of the day....thoughts bounce around my head and I can't get them out.
I suppose that movies like Batman Begins have a new meaning to you. If you haven’t seen it, I would recommend watching it alone as therapy. It will give you a good, powerful cry if you are open to the boy’s emotions after he has to deal with something very difficult; of course what eventually ensues is just pop-culture, but the movie has substance and that’s why it works. You should watch that movie. All of our tears add up, like words on a page; and whether you want to do or not the book will get written. It’s simply easier if you have a couple sessions with media such as movies or books that deal with your specific situation as a way to get through a chapter really quick .
My real advice though, besides once in a while as described above, is actually quite opposite. I believe that in addition to having to write a book with tears, one must also spend time in a jail cell of negativity. However, unlike the book which must be written & where tears must be shed, this does not have to be an entirely depressing experience. I’ve never lived in prison, but from what I gather about it & the not so nice places that I’ve endured, prison is also a state of mind. Those that are “happiest” in that unhappy place are those that think about birds outside that flit past their barred window & for a moment, if just for a restful moment, the bars disappear. So my advice is to surround yourself with healthy things of interest. When I say “yourself”, I mean everything about you; your time, your job space, buy a cheap keyboard & learn music, buy a new software program that helps you do your job better & learn that sucker inside & out.
Reduce things that remind you of them. Put those pictures of mom & dad away. Don’t watch movies or shows that you watched with them, take a break from here if that will help you. Try new foods. In effect, go on vacation from your parents. They aren’t going anywhere & whatever is out there in the silence will still be waiting when you let yourself out of prison. Nothing will change for them; but you will have changed and that will matter. This isn’t about them as much as it is about you. There are things which you will struggle with all your life because of this past year, and far ahead when you conquer the world in your neighborhood you’ll wish that they could have seen you. Right now though, it’s all the other what-if’s and unsaids. You can pretty much drive emotional nails in your head & even really honestly damage yourself. If it gets that bad, then talk to someone and pay them later like the responsible, mature adult you appear to be here. In the meantime, ( no pun intended), escape as much as you can in ways that are moral, ethical, and healthy for you & there will be progress in your life & you’ll be like the woman in prison who gets a degree, who sees birds instead of bars, who lives for the future instead of holding her head in her hands as the hours tick away.
So my advice really is to write a letter to your parents & telling them that you’re going away for awhile, but that you’ll be back when you are ready; and then do that. This can be done as I’ve described with my Batman Begins movie, or maybe Last of the Mohicans would be more your style, or perhaps a book or a night of music, whatever you want to do, maybe even a real letter. Just do it so that you can stop feeling so sorry for yourself inside that prison of hurt you are wearing like the last blanket you’ll ever get in your life & make those first initial steps. Because it really is about “time heals all wounds” in the end, isn’t it? This right now, is probably going to be more about you for awhile. So you have to deal with you.
Well that’s it. I never lost anyone in my life, but I did stay at a holiday inn express. All dry jokes aside, this is a tender time for you; but if you don’t get enough time for you then everyone around you will suffer. I’m not asking you to be callous. I’m asking you to see the beauty of the birds instead of the ugliness of the bars. The only real magic words anyone can give you are these – “The choice is yours – make it”. I can’t coerce you to do anything, I don’t have a recipe for Cookies that makes this go away; all I know is that we all move through this reality despite spite. If you want to be angry at God, be angry at God; He’ll understand. If you want to be angry at the disease or drunk driver or broken heart (I didn’t read what happened…) then be mad. If you miss them or feel yourself picking up the phone, engage in that emotion. It’s really those half-choices that hurt the most in the long-run. It’s when you bottle it up and say, I wasn’t going to really call them, I’m okay, & bite down against something that is inside you that is going to divide your mind against itself like pounding emotional nails in your head. You don’t want to do that. That’s not what I’m saying to do.
Take a vacation from your pain in healthy, moral, ethical ways. That means that alcohol is really bad, because you know that it is bad. Hitting things, indiscriminately expressing any emotion or desire as if it should be fulfilled because *YOU* are in pain, is not good. But feeling pain in front of others is fine as long as you remember that it is okay & quite natural for them to see this in an entirely different way & slowly begin to become concerned about you, which is fine at first but can evolve into less honorable expressions as time passes and you are still not getting better. And of course, this isn’t your fault; you just continue on as best you can through a swamp of dankness that seems to go on in all directions & you just kind of got thrown in the middle of it all. And yet, it is your fault because even though you’ve never been waist deep in a swamp before, people depend on you & you depend on you to get the hell out of that thing. But time heals all wounds & it will take time. FEEL that time! But also, surround yourself with things that will consume your time, because if you do not then these thoughts will be with you until you are out of this prison. The choice is yours to live this thing through & to do it with high character & intelligence or to go though it like an untreated cold in the middle of winter with a deadline & no backup.
I sure hope this helps you. I think it helps me for the writing of it. I’m battling a disease of my own in a way. Like I said, I don’t like to give details, and I do have experience dealing with pain. All I can say is that if you have children & you read all of this up to here, then my advice to you is to show them people in a hospital for accidents, drug/alcohol abuse, spousal abuse, and diseases; then bring them to a couple of jails to see it up close; then watch Saving Private Ryan & ask your son what he thinks his chances would be to live in a war & if it was really about him making good decisions or just plain dumb chance, and then give him a Army signup sheet to think about & hopefully throw away. Explain to them that “a right to an attorney before answering any further questions” means you have just been arrested & the police are collecting evidence, they are not your friends. Show them visual, audible, tangible comparisons of one person’s life (perhaps a teenage parent) compared to another person’s life (who went to college is the same age, but is making great money and their family is going to be wealthy & won’t require the poverty paycheck to paycheck life that so many people live). Don’t just tell them, show them life.
Which is why this nice letter probably won’t work. You’re situation caught me & your words caught me. I swear someone could make this stuff up & I’d bite every time. The truth is that I can’t “Show” you anything. I wish I could Lorelei. I wish I could. It is, and it always will be up to you.
There is a dream & for every dream there is a dreamer & for every dreamer there is hope & for every hope there is faith & for every faith there is a dream.
-
danlo
- Lord
- Posts: 20838
- Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2002 8:29 pm
- Location: Albuquerque NM
- Been thanked: 1 time
- Contact:
I don't know if I'm being mean-spirited Roll of Scotch Tape-but you could have stopped 3 paragraphs before and made all your good points. You freak ME out (and others) by hinting at YOUR problems--I'm sorry you're in pain--but by you not talking about it you can, sorta, sound hypocrtical in this case. Please talk more about everything so we can get to know you. I've never had someone close die until 3 years ago and a month ago (my parents in-law) so your words have helped me--especially facing the fact that we have to return our foster boys back to their birthparents (yes this is serious loss-I feel like my right & left arm are being torn off) and that the Dr.s have given my mother 6 months to live due to lung cancer.
I hate to be rude-but you're always among friends here so let all of your heart out. Your words are very eloquent and have depth, however, there are some fill-n-the-gap moments when it seems you're quoting some self-help guru like Robbins, Dyer or the EST people. And at least read Lorelei's post (or this thread for that matter) throughly so you can find out what her parents died of--that's a very important ingredient to my understanding and empathy...at least...
I hate to be rude-but you're always among friends here so let all of your heart out. Your words are very eloquent and have depth, however, there are some fill-n-the-gap moments when it seems you're quoting some self-help guru like Robbins, Dyer or the EST people. And at least read Lorelei's post (or this thread for that matter) throughly so you can find out what her parents died of--that's a very important ingredient to my understanding and empathy...at least...
fall far and well Pilots!
-
Roll of Scotch Tape
- Banned
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:54 am
-
dANdeLION
- Lord
- Posts: 23836
- Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 3:22 am
- Location: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
- Contact:
I agree with danlo. While it might not be as exciting as watching Batman Begins, Last Of The Mohicans, or Saving Private Ryan, I think actually reading what Lorelei said would be a great help to trying to make a cohesive post suggesting useful things to her.
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
*
* This post carries Jay's seal of approval
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
* * This post carries Jay's seal of approval
-
danlo
- Lord
- Posts: 20838
- Joined: Wed Mar 06, 2002 8:29 pm
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- Contact:
It's called being holistic which is supposed to be important to healing from what I've heard. Consider everything in Lorelei's post feel her talking-be emphatic to everthing she's saying and feeling-cause of death aside. But I have heard it is comforting, or disconcerting, to know if they passed gently, abruptly, in great pain, etc...
Last edited by danlo on Tue Sep 05, 2006 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
fall far and well Pilots!
-
dANdeLION
- Lord
- Posts: 23836
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- Contact:
Aww, let's not muss Lorelei's thread this way....I think those of us who know her care enough for her to make allowances for the ignorance of newbies. Scotch Tape, my other suggestion for you is to not preface your posts with the 'exciting opportunity to make money' references; you will not find much patience for that crap here.
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
*
* This post carries Jay's seal of approval
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
* * This post carries Jay's seal of approval
-
Roll of Scotch Tape
- Banned
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2006 6:54 am
I'm actually surprised by your responses here.
If a person has cancer, they don't care what caused it. If a person goes to jail, the reason they are there is insignificant. If someone close to you dies, the cause of death is unimportant next to the fact that they aren't there anymore.
Hopefully, Lorelei sees what I'm saying & it helps. The rest of you can kiss my behind. I wasn't talking to you anyway. I wrote from the heart, even though I haven't experienced any of the things I wrote about. I don't have to be a woman to write about one. SRD isn't a leper & he wrote about it. But like I said, I had a break in my work to spend some time writing something. See ya in a few months, or not. It's really not skin off my back.
If a person has cancer, they don't care what caused it. If a person goes to jail, the reason they are there is insignificant. If someone close to you dies, the cause of death is unimportant next to the fact that they aren't there anymore.
Hopefully, Lorelei sees what I'm saying & it helps. The rest of you can kiss my behind. I wasn't talking to you anyway. I wrote from the heart, even though I haven't experienced any of the things I wrote about. I don't have to be a woman to write about one. SRD isn't a leper & he wrote about it. But like I said, I had a break in my work to spend some time writing something. See ya in a few months, or not. It's really not skin off my back.
There is a dream & for every dream there is a dreamer & for every dreamer there is hope & for every hope there is faith & for every faith there is a dream.
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Lorelei
- The Gap Into Spam
- Posts: 1362
- Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:42 pm
- Location: Hanging with Gracie in the water.
WOW! It's amazing that this thread has picked up given the emotional roller coaster that I ahve been on lately. Soon will be the 1st anniversary of mom's passing.
Roll of Scotch Tape: I think I have the jist of what you were saying, but I express more through music (I have a 4 octave voice) than movies. Afterglow, by Sarah Maclachlin is my current vent.
Danlo and dAN I also see where you come to defend me and I totally LOVE that! So many times in my life men have let me down, and I am honored that both of you would be there for me.
This next year is going to be tough, but given my own inner strength and the support of my friends I'll make it!!
Roll of Scotch Tape: I think I have the jist of what you were saying, but I express more through music (I have a 4 octave voice) than movies. Afterglow, by Sarah Maclachlin is my current vent.
Danlo and dAN I also see where you come to defend me and I totally LOVE that! So many times in my life men have let me down, and I am honored that both of you would be there for me.
This next year is going to be tough, but given my own inner strength and the support of my friends I'll make it!!
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sgt.null
- Jack of Odd Trades, Master of Fun
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- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2005 7:53 am
- Location: Brazoria, Texas
- Has thanked: 8 times
- Been thanked: 10 times
Lorelei
I am not among the Watch's best at expressing any depth of emotion. but I will try...
I lost my dad in january of '03. I was there when he passed. having to take care of my mom and brother (and being my nature) I didn't show a lot of emotion then. and now at odd times it hits me. I find myself thinking I should call him. or I look at his picture on my desk and remember my brother's wedding when I had the honor of getting him around in his wheelchair. or sometimes when I'm telling Julie a story about him. I feel such a loss. it still hurts so damn much. I'm not much for crying, but sometimes it just comes in floods, usually late at night when I am alone. one time I wanted to call him and ask about some electrical problem we had at the house and it just hit me so hard. it doesn't go away, but it deepens. I haven't talked to my priest about it, and I should. (I think you understand that feeling?)
now I don't know if this helps. but you are in my prayers, and I will light a candle for your parents. you can pm me. I know it's nice to be here amongst friends who won't judge and who may be going through the same stuff.
and I can tell you that It will be hard this Saturday, wishing my dad could see my art exhibit, wanting him to be be proud of me.
write me anytime.
I am not among the Watch's best at expressing any depth of emotion. but I will try...
I lost my dad in january of '03. I was there when he passed. having to take care of my mom and brother (and being my nature) I didn't show a lot of emotion then. and now at odd times it hits me. I find myself thinking I should call him. or I look at his picture on my desk and remember my brother's wedding when I had the honor of getting him around in his wheelchair. or sometimes when I'm telling Julie a story about him. I feel such a loss. it still hurts so damn much. I'm not much for crying, but sometimes it just comes in floods, usually late at night when I am alone. one time I wanted to call him and ask about some electrical problem we had at the house and it just hit me so hard. it doesn't go away, but it deepens. I haven't talked to my priest about it, and I should. (I think you understand that feeling?)
now I don't know if this helps. but you are in my prayers, and I will light a candle for your parents. you can pm me. I know it's nice to be here amongst friends who won't judge and who may be going through the same stuff.
and I can tell you that It will be hard this Saturday, wishing my dad could see my art exhibit, wanting him to be be proud of me.
write me anytime.
Lenin, Marx
Marx, Lennon
Good Dog...
Marx, Lennon
Good Dog...
jwaneeta wrote:I can only say: that is pretty fucking cool.Lorelei wrote: Danlo and dAN I also see where you come to defend me and I totally LOVE that! So many times in my life men have let me down, and I am honored that both of you would be there for me.
and i agree.
one of the reasons i've been hanging out here...no, THE reason, is that this is a community whose members, for the most part, across the board, are an extraordinarily CARING group of people, men and women alike.
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
We do kick ass.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - PJ O'Rourke
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
_____________
"Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas." - Charles Stewart
_____________
"I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations." - James Madison
_____________
and take names! 
you're more advanced than a cockroach,
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
have you ever tried explaining yourself
to one of them?
~ alan bates, the mothman prophecies
i've had this with actors before, on the set,
where they get upset about the [size of my]
trailer, and i'm always like...take my trailer,
cause... i'm from Kentucky
and that's not what we brag about.
~ george clooney, inside the actor's studio
a straight edge for legends at
the fold - searching for our
lost cities of gold. burnt tar,
gravel pits. sixteen gears switch.
Haphazard Lucy strolls by.
~ dennis r wood ~
-
dANdeLION
- Lord
- Posts: 23836
- Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 3:22 am
- Location: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
- Contact:
Yeah, more and more I find myself to be in that place. Used to be I'd draw, and sometimes I'd write, but that's been so long ago now that it doesn't even feel right to me anymore. I'm much more comfortable expressing myself musically nowadays; it's too bad my friends sometimes still bother me to draw or write.Lorelei wrote:I express more through music (I have a 4 octave voice) than movies.
Dandelion don't tell no lies
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
*
* This post carries Jay's seal of approval
Dandelion will make you wise
Tell me if she laughs or cries
Blow away dandelion
I'm afraid there's no denying
I'm just a dandelion
a fate I don't deserve.
High priest of THOOOTP
* * This post carries Jay's seal of approval