Kevin's Watch

My daughter was singing some song she made up the other day....."I'm Sorry, sorry, S-O-R-E SORRY!" over and over and over again, annoying the hell out of my teenage boy, who finally yelled out "Shut up! S-O-R-E isn't even a word!"


I looked at him and asked "It isn't?"

dANdeLION wrote:My daughter was singing some song she made up the other day....."I'm Sorry, sorry, S-O-R-E SORRY!" over and over and over again, annoying the hell out of my teenage boy, who finally yelled out "Shut up! S-O-R-E isn't even a word!"


I looked at him and asked "It isn't?"

Isn't it wonderful how son's and daughter's spar!!

Alex age 3 "Oh, Sh*t. Not Meemaw's" (my mom is nuts and not very nice)

Alex age 3 to her cousin... not a nice kid... at least back then... "A***hhoooole."

Nick age 3 mimicking me playing video games... slams down controller "Dammit! Dammit!"

I done changed my ways there.

Calli age 6... Me: "Excuse me?! Am I speaking English?!"
Calli: "No, actually you are speaking Chinese."

Calli age 7... Teacher: "Do you know what your car looks like?" Calli: "Yeah, it's the puny blue one that wants to be a minivan when it grows up."

My oldest son Tommy (let's pick on him some more) had a friend over, and they were playing the PS2 with my 2nd & 3rd oldest boys. Tommy's friend makes a mistake, and Tommy called him a half-wit, to which I said, "In this room, that makes him gifted" Biy I love the look on Tommy's face when he realizes he just got slammed!

Just to show - eventually sons and daughters DO show that they love each other. [My daughter is 19 and son is 21 - this pic is 2 years old]

Last year my 6 year old Daughter told my wife that someone said a bad word at school.
She asked her what word.
My daughter replied "the "S" word".
We were both like "Oh great, she learns her first swear word from school!"
We asked her what the word was again.

It was......"stupid".

Oh! I almost forgot a classic Alex from when she was 4.

She was refusing to go to bed. I put her in her bed repeatledly and finally dad got up and put her in her bed, closed her door, closed and locked our bedroom door. She stomps out of her room and tries our door to find it locked. She stomps her foot and shouts, "I will stay out here forEVER!!!!" Pause. "And I'm going to get a parent eating snake to COME BITE DADDY!!!!"

We buried our faces in pillows so she wouldn't hear us laughing hysterically.

SoulQuest1970 wrote:... She stomps her foot and shouts, "I will stay out here forEVER!!!!" Pause. "And I'm going to get a parent eating snake to COME BITE DADDY!!!!"

We buried our faces in pillows so she wouldn't hear us laughing hysterically.

Mine just did this to me:

For the attention of: Peter

Thank you for ordering from Bluebottle Wines
We ship all over the world... all prices quoted in pounds sterling

You have chosen the following wines which will be despatched to:
Somewhere

_____________________________________________________________________________
YOUR ORDER:-

1980 Cabernet Sauvignon Molte Coniglio (with garlic)
Price 122.93
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = 1229177.07

1993, Cuvee "El Puta Loco" Seleccion Especial
Price �32.43
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �324267.57

1997 Dog's Ouch Red Franc Minion Valley
Price �15.17
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �151684.83

1997 La Palazza Di Scimpanz� Brunello DOCG
Price �35.23
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �352264.77

1999 Quattro Formaggi Amarone Della Valpolicella Classico
Price �76.99
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �769823.01

1999 Bigfart Creek Pinot Noir, Arce Vineyard, Redneck Valley, Oregon
Price �34.59
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �345865.41

2001 Duchaggio Offal Grind Sonoma County
Price �34.99
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �349865.01

2002 "Effing Crazyman" Merlot Estate Grown Santa Hunka Valley
Price �25.99
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �259874.01

2003 Joseph Groutban Chateau Bollocks Burgundy
Price �74.99
9999 bottle(s) ordered. TOTAL = �749825.01



GRAND TOTAL = �4532646.69


_____________________________________________________________________________

Payment is due upon delivery when a signature will be required by our driver.
Please note, we regard fraud as a serious crime and take all necessary
precautions, including violence, to stamp this out.

www.wine.bluebottleplus.com



DISCLAIMER - Bluebottle Wine is a subsidiary of Bluebottle Plus, and neither
Bluebottle Wine nor Bluebottle Plus takes responsibility for any lack of
understanding this email may provoke, etc, etc. In other words, you've been
Bluebottled.


I'm just going to find them and kill them quickly

I decided the other week to start reading Son of Seareach Winney the Pooh. We have a Disney Treasured Tales edition (just has a few short stories in it and one large picture to every page).

So I start reading the first few words "Winney the Pooh sat on the step outside his little house"... Now, in my house, when we refer to having done "number twos" we call them "poos"... Wellllll...I read that first line and then Son of Seareach goes "OH YUCK POO" and starts gesturing at the picture of Winney who is standing there and who has brown shading down on the ground beneath him! Poor little thing thought that Winney had, shall we say, crapped himself.

8 pages letter (me trying not to laugh hysterically), and many ovetures of "oh yuck poo", I think Son of Seareach finally worked out that the bear in fact didn't have a bowel problem!

What is with calling a bear Pooh anyway!

We were having breakfast at Perkins a few years ago. The waitress looked about 17. Lisa was 4-ish, and just getting into anatomical differences between boys and girls. She asked if our waitress was a girl, and we said yes. The next time the waitress came to our table, Lisa told her, "You have boobies."

The waitress hid her face behind the menu she was holding as she laughed. Then she said, "Thank you for noticing."

Some time ago I was in Walmart with my 4 year old daugher, Olivia. Of course, 5 minutes after we get there (and are as far away from the bathrooms as possible,) she has to pee. Our Walmart doesn't have a family rest room, so I had to take her into the men's room. When we went in, we were by ourselves, but by the time she was finished, another man and his small son had come in. I quickly took Olivia to the sink, helped her wash, then scooped her up and hurried out. About 15 seconds after we left the rest room, she said "Dad - I'm really a girl." I replied "Thanks, honey! I've been so confused!"

When Younger Daughter was about two, she approached a total stranger (male, of course) in a public place and told him, "Guess what? I wear big-girl pants!" (Thank goodness she's never on the Watch -- she'd be mortified that I just told that story...)

On a scarier note: When the kids were about this same age (Batty would've been four then), they were in a mall toy store with their dad. I'd been in the store but had stepped out. A fellow approached me, asked me if those were my daughters, said they were cute (and I said thanks), and then he said, "I like little girls." I dunno, maybe he was harmless, but it creeped me out -- I sure kept an eagle eye on the kids for the rest of that trip.

Hey, where is Batty BTW? Haven't seen her around in a while.

(these are very funny ... and all too familiar... )

OK, a similar one about kids saying things that you had no idea that they would pick up...
My wife and I have been very careful about not swearing (OK,ME, I'm the one who can occassionally let one out). But I have been very good. But it doesn't matter, for even the most innocent phrases get picked up. My wife and I are shopping in Zellers, looking for kids clothes. We see a very strange add (can't remember what it was). My reaction is, "What the--?" without missing a beat, my 2 year old daughter finished off, "HECK!"
It was a gooc game for her, filling in the missine word daddy apparently uses alot. To the other shoppers around, it was perhaps a little disturbing.

our 3 year old is quite smart. we used to sing him Syd Barret songs when he was very young and recently played him Octopus. I had a mix on and Syd Barrett song called Two Of A Kind came on. (he had never heard it before) he started asking where Octopus was. on another song he started humming the chorus when the song ended, note perfect!

My son who was about 16 months old at the time, was learning new vocubulary. I was picking up dirty laundry in the bathroom when he went over and picked up a pair of my husband's dirty underwear, turned to me, and said "poo-poo".
He knows what poo-poo is and where it comes from BUT neither one of us had taught him that.

The other day at Wal-Mart my son pointed to a man (a stranger) and says "Daddy! Daddy". I start laughing and the man ran for his life.

Kids are funny.
-Avy

dlbpharmd wrote:Hey, where is Batty BTW? Haven't seen her around in a while.

Back at college and busy. I'll tell her that folks have been asking after her -- maybe she'll show up and post. We're driving down this weekend to see her -- it's Family Weekend at her school. Younger Daughter gets to miss a day of school on Friday to go to class with her big sister. It's legit, honest. College visits are excused absences at her high school, and she really truly *is* planning to apply there (though they will have to cough up mucho dinero for me to be able to afford to send *two* kids to that school -- holy cow!).

When my daughter was young, I used to ask her how her food tasted ... and I would start out "It's deeeeeeeeee ... lectable" and sometimes "It's deeeeeeeeee ... liciuos".

After one meal that Caitlin wasn't too fond of I started "deeeeeeeeee ... " and Caitlin finished " .... gusting!!"