Kevin's Watch

Wayfriend wrote:I agree with/am in the same boat as Cail (blowing someones theory). I'm a male: I cannot approach a kid in a park. (But inside I want to comfort.)

So sad........the way the law really affects so many, takes away the very core of humanity.

Being female, and a caring type of person, I always want to help. However, I'm not terribly "touchy" with people I don't know well. Most likely, if a male were crying on a bench in the park, I would approach (though not too closely) and ask if everything were okay. Basically the same thing would happen with a female too. In either case, I would then use my finely-honed gut instinct to tell me whether it was safe to approach the person or not. . . or even if the person wanted help. Sometimes people do not. After that, I would just go wherever the conversation took me with the person. . . I work in the mental health field, and have a wealth of knowledge of resources and such.

If it were a child, I would approach cautiously so not to scare the child, and offer assistance. Children are usually far more open than adults. Plus, children love me.

People have always come to me with their problems. . . I guess I must appear trustworthy. I've been told a lot of secrets in my time. Don't worry. . . I can keep secrets!

And. . . a strange thing happened when I was in Indiana. I went into a convenience store to get directions (construction made it impossible to find the small side road I needed to take to my grandfather's home). After I had talked to the clerks and left, a lady who had been in the store came out, followed me to my car, and asked me if I had a dollar to spare. She said that she had promised her kids a icee, and didn't have enough money for two (one for each child). I gave her the dollar. . . I just thought that was the oddest thing! And she seemed totally sanguine with the whole thing! People are strange at times.

But to sum up. . . I am a helper. . . that is why I work in a "helping" field.

~Lyr, champion rambler

I can't think of many reasons to hug random people in the park. Besides, I'm not really the hugging type, unless it's my GF or son.

Seriously though, is she hot?

i travel with julie. so she handles kids. adults are on their own. crying people mostly annoy me.

sgtnull wrote:sorry, i have little sympathy or empathy. i was just made that way.

...an irrefusable desire to walk away

qft!!!

When I see someone all emotional IRL, I tend to avoid.

wonder if its a girl thing.

i want to comfort. that doesn't mean i always will.
i live in an ugly neighborhood. sometimes ugly things happen
on these streets.

once i saw a guy slug a girl not 10 feet in front of me. he basically knocked her to the ground in front of me. i stopped. she was on the freakin ground in front of me. her eyes still haunt me. i wanted to help her, comfort her, but he was big, and obviously had no qualms about decking a woman. when i looked up at him (and i'm telling you folks, i have a cold death look that i'm sure was on my face) he started yelling at me to move on and i moved.

right on past and into my building and into my apartment where i promptly threw up.

i frequently want to slap the hell out of people who scream at and jerk their kids around in public.


some woman crying on a park bench. yeah, i'd prob'ly go up to her and ask if i could help.

its a situational thing. i live in the Tenderloin. people cry here a lot.

i would suggest 911, when but have seen the woman come out against that in many cases. i don't understand that. but i have known many women who did not want to leave a horrible situation.

It must be in me ... for a few times I have asked a complete stranger if they were OK, when it seemed they were very down, and one girl who was crying i bought a drink (tea I think) and chatted a little...

an irrefusable desire to comfort

It's how I'm wired ..

Usivius wrote:a few times I have asked a complete stranger if they were OK, when it seemed they were very down

Reminds me of a story my brother tells when he came for a visit to DC. He was depressed after a break up and was walking some blocks to a friends house. On the way he felt so down, and at least 3 people asked him "Are you OK?" "3 Times! Wow, people in DC are so friendly!", he thinks.

He gets to his friends house and tells him of the friendly concern of the DC folks on the street. His friend laughs and says that if strangers ask "Are you are OK?" that means "Do you want any drugs?"

I would wish to comfort the girl, but I probably wouldn't as I don't trust my people skills enough to approach strangers. I read somewhere about a theory that the Asperger's Syndrome might be related to a person being so empathic that they learn as babies to shut out other people's emotions in order to not be overwhelmed when people feel negative emotions around them. I'm lousy at reading people's faces but I know I can feel very strongly about people and I'm quite a hugger in some circumstances.

Anyway, I think it might be that even though the walk-away people can be able to enjoy Donaldson for the Giants and the Bloodguard's fighting abilities and the awesome magic, they are the ones that join THOOLAH and wish Linden was more like a beautiful female Rambo. The comforter people would be the ones that actually like Linden. Opinions?

I'd feel an irrefusable desire to comfort anyone, however it would majorly stress me out trying to figure how to comfort a complete stranger. I probably wouldn't be able to confort a dude I don't know, much in the same way as I would feel terribly uncomfortable if another guy tried to comfort me unless it was someone I absolutly trusted to not make a mocking comment.

The cyborg one.

I feel the question is unfair. It assumes your response is a choice. That's not always the case.

I don't think the question assumes the emotional response is a choice. Instead, I think the point of this thread is to question (without going into nature/nurture) whether the people on this forum share a common emotional response since we are self-selected to enjoy Donaldson's books.

I think perhaps there should be another poll to look for correlation with the emotional reaction and THOOLAH membership.

Also, it could be nice to compare the results here to results on say a generic fantasy board or a Goodkind board. I have a feeling the Goodkind fans would tend towards the "walk away" category, but that's just my impression without any real evidence.

Nerdanel wrote:I think perhaps there should be another poll to look for correlation with the emotional reaction and THOOLAH membership.

You know what, that's an intriguing idea!


Oh, I'm a "an irrefusable desire to comfort" type person...although I have to say that there's a different for me between having the "desire" and actually "doing". Depends on the situation, circumstance etc (Luci's example is a good one of you might desire to comfort but you don't).

Adhering strictly to the question of how I would feel in seeing a girl sobbing, I would probably feel some sympathy, but not much beyond that. Is that cold-hearted? Well, this topic is just the kind that encourages people to be very judgemental about other people, based on how they answer a question that seems simple on the surface, but really involves a lot of complications.

As to how I might actually act, I'm like Nerdanel in that I also don't trust my people skills enough to approach strangers - especially if they're in the middle of an emotional meltdown.

I'm not sure I agree with SRD's assessment either. Reading about naked emotion in a work of fiction is one thing, confronting it in real life is something else. I value the deep emotional power of the Chronicles, but that doesn't mean I'm suddenly ready to go hug troubled strangers out on the street.

I probably feel a mild sympathy of sorts, but almost certainly not enough to do anything about it.

--A

MM- Didn't mean to make a judgemental thread, I was only curious... I for one ain't judging anyone.

Khaliban- Yeah, it ain't perfect.... of course, anyone here is free to make their own poll.

Thanks all for answering... if I had the time or the drive, it may be interesting to dig deeper into this topic. But... my question has been answered: According to the poll SRD's statement seems to be a mildly accurate-ish indicator of his reader base. Most people seem to feel a desire to help. Whether or not they do is, to me anyway, a moot point. /shrug. On the other hand, that could just be human nature. It could have nothing to do with whether or not you like SRD's writings.

Either way, my curiosity has been sated. Thanks kiddies.

Kil Tyme wrote:If a child or girl, sure a desire to comfort. If a dude's bawlin, then he's on his own...and he know's he is, which makes him bawl even more.

So true!

Seriously though:

In the case of someone I know - or, more accurately, someone I care about (since there are many people I know and care nothing for) - I feel an urge to comfort. Among my close friends, I am The Listener.

In the case of a stranger, I feel the urge to leave. I don't think it's lack of empathy; I think it's reverse empathy. I can deal with just about anything alone. If I'm uspet, I will get over it alone; indeed, I tend to find if I'm getting sympathetic noises etc from people, I can't recover and pull myself together until they've gone away. Also, I tend to detest being asked if I'm ok. So basically I feel the urge to avoid sobbing strangers because 1) my reverse empathy tells me they're better off if I leave them to it, and 2) I don't really care, and I can't be doing with manufacturing an artificial shoulder to cry on.

Children are a different matter. I feel the urge to comfort a crying child, whether familiar or a stranger, as long as they seem genuinely distressed. If the little brat is clearly just squalling for attention, it's on its own. Having said that, I, like Cail, would never, never approach an unknown child. I have known stepfathers be reported to Social Services / the police for hugging stepchildren. There is no way in hell I'm taking that chance.

So I, too, disagree with SRD's conclusions. My level and type of emotional reaction varies, and is sometimes nonexistent, but I nonetheless always cite the Chronicles as the finest work of fiction I've ever read.