Kevin's Watch

What do you call a brunette with bad breath?

A blonde doing a handstand.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all pregnant and discussing their soon-to-be bundles 'o joy.

Redhead: "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top when he was conceived".

Brunette: "Well, I'm having a girl because I was on the bottom when she was conceived".

At this point, the blonde starts crying hysterically, and says, "Oh my God, I'm going to have puppies!"

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Why do blondes go to the bathroom in groups?

They're not used to taking their own pants down.

Cail!!!

Elfgirl wrote:

Vain wrote:What?!?!? You're a fake blonde???

OF COURSE I AM! How else could I be so eloquent?

I infiltrated the enemy camp because blonds really DO have more fun...

EDIT - and James, here's another...

A blond, brunette & redhead are in 4th grade. Who has the biggest boobies?
The blond, because she's 18 years old...

Just for Elfie

Hmmm, I guess I was being too subtle. I find this kind of humour to be thoroughly distasteful.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife!” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun you gave me had blanks in it so I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Creator wrote:The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said. “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife!” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “This gun you gave me had blanks in it so I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

I almost feel terrible for finding this REALLY funny.


Almost.

Vain wrote:Nah...the Irish ARE jokes

I'd have to agree (me NOT being Irish...do you ever pay attention!!!!!)

Vain wrote: Just for Elfie

Lucky that page started loading REAL slow...once I saw the TITLE, I shut it down!!

*Vain, you're dead meat*

Whaaat? It's a live roach cam And besides - I'm a fossil so I can't possibly be dead meat

And no I didn't forget Irish

Gee, that avatar of yours would look good with a spike between C3 and C4....

It'd go well with the one between L1 and S5

Vain wrote:It'd go well with the one between L1 and S5

I'll chop off your bloody caudal vertebra if you're not careful!!!!

Gotta love those old truisms:
Women - can't live with 'em.


But more in keeping with this thread:
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Not exactly!

I've read somewhere that, in women, chocolate releases the same endorphines as sex!

We are substitutes for a Cadbury bar!!

I thought a Cadbury bar was a shovel?

dw

A nice chocolate shovel!!

Urg. Bourneville. Yuck. Where's the Dairy Milk?

But dark chocolate is supposed to be good for you as well!!

Ger always says, regarding women, "put 'em in the yard and feed 'em fish heads."

dw's pun-fu mastery has reached a level of obliqueness (o-bleak-ness?) such that it now goes entirely undetected...

a shovel might be a cad bury-bar [with a dirt-spatula on one end].

Perhaps I should switch to blond jokes instead (and for reference purposes, dw is XY-blond).

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? She was throwing out all the W pieces.

Did you hear about the blond that drowned? Apparently, someone put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool...

How do get a one-armed blond out of a tree? Wave at her...

How can you tell if the secretary is blond? Check the PC monitor for white-out.

You know why blonds don't drink Kool-Aid? They can't figure out how to get 2-qts water in that little packet.

Yeah, blond jokes are much easier than puns...

dw