Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 6:31 pm
indeed a great gift. what is the form, Edge?
Luci: Honestly, I have no idea.
Kevin's Watch
Official Discussion Forum for the works of Stephen R. Donaldson
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Poetry on the Edge
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Posted: Sun Sep 23, 2007 7:01 pm
Thanks for the comments.
Luci: Honestly, I have no idea.
Luci: Honestly, I have no idea.
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:53 pm
You have some serious talent my friend. 
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:04 pm
In every art I've seen you attempt.
Do you play an instrument, Edge?
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:16 pm
well here's what i was thinking but it's not exactly...Edge wrote:Thanks for the comments.
Luci: Honestly, I have no idea.
Villanelle
Pantoum
here's the lot to choose from, heh...
Poetic Forms Wiki
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:12 pm
I've never heard of those. 
But they look quite fun , so I thought I'd have a go at a villanelle:
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
And hope never encouraged fades away
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For like a shirt that's torn on a sharp beam
Sometimes it falls apart right at the seams
And sometimes all our knowledge starts to fray
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
Everyone alive knows what it means
When night begins to vanquish our bright day
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For every boy who, filled with brilliant schemes
Becomes a man who tries to make his way
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
For every girl who's qietly daydreamed
Of thoughts and plans for living in 'one day'
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For every man who's eyes no longer gleam
For every woman crowned with hair now grey
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
Life isn't always what it seemed
...And yes, Menolly, I play several instruments.
But they look quite fun
, so I thought I'd have a go at a villanelle:Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
And hope never encouraged fades away
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For like a shirt that's torn on a sharp beam
Sometimes it falls apart right at the seams
And sometimes all our knowledge starts to fray
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
Everyone alive knows what it means
When night begins to vanquish our bright day
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For every boy who, filled with brilliant schemes
Becomes a man who tries to make his way
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
For every girl who's qietly daydreamed
Of thoughts and plans for living in 'one day'
Life isn't really always what it seemed
For every man who's eyes no longer gleam
For every woman crowned with hair now grey
Ambition long deferred becomes a dream
Life isn't always what it seemed
...And yes, Menolly, I play several instruments.
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:19 pm
Very nice! What instruments do you play? If you say saxaphone I am on the next plane to Durban.... 
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:23 pm
Guitars, keyboards, piano, drums, bass, violin and a couple others.
Sax? I'm not saying.
Sax? I'm not saying.
Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:40 pm
Dang! 
And you are single, WHY?
And you are single, WHY?Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 5:42 pm
The Watch's own Renaissance Man...
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 2:54 am
Edge: I love your poem "the sea knows where to find her"! That really is something very special!
Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 7:21 am
he rocks don't he!Seareach wrote:Edge: I love your poem "the sea knows where to find her"! That really is something very special!
i'm knocked out by the depth of the talent here. just knocked out.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:56 am
All the kind comments! Thank you.
New one:
Sensing You
every word, and every sentence, falls upon my soul like thunder
every phrase you speak descends like rain upon my ears
if only I could hear the truth - if only you could speak it
how can I know your mind if I can't hear a thing you say?
how can I hear your heart when all your words are in the way?
I've forgotten how to pray
I remember each long day
every look in my direction blinds my eyes with naked splendour
every glance my way betrays my heart with blinding light
if only I could see the truth - if only you could show me
how can I know what's right when all that I can see is you?
how can I see your heart when every vision goes right through?
I've forgotten every view
I remember only you
every touch is like a knife-blade cutting gently, sharp and tender
every soft caress tears through my skin and leaves me bruised
if only I could touch the truth - if only you could reach me
how can I know your sweet caress if I can't reach your soul?
how can I feel your heart if mine is just an empty hole?
I've forgotten all my goals
I remember being whole
every scent of you assaults each breath I take with careless wonder
every gentle breeze renders me helpless and bereft
if only I could scent the truth - if only you could breathe it
how can I know your incense when my senses are confused?
How can I scent your heart when all that I can feel is used?
I've forgotten each abuse
I remember every bruise
every taste of you upon my lips is like a sweet surrender
every sip I savour leaves me drunken and replete
if only I could taste the truth - if only you'd sustain me
how can I know your fullness when my love just wastes away?
how can I taste your heart when you're the hunter, I the prey?
I've forgotten all your ways
I remember every day
Thank you.New one:
Sensing You
every word, and every sentence, falls upon my soul like thunder
every phrase you speak descends like rain upon my ears
if only I could hear the truth - if only you could speak it
how can I know your mind if I can't hear a thing you say?
how can I hear your heart when all your words are in the way?
I've forgotten how to pray
I remember each long day
every look in my direction blinds my eyes with naked splendour
every glance my way betrays my heart with blinding light
if only I could see the truth - if only you could show me
how can I know what's right when all that I can see is you?
how can I see your heart when every vision goes right through?
I've forgotten every view
I remember only you
every touch is like a knife-blade cutting gently, sharp and tender
every soft caress tears through my skin and leaves me bruised
if only I could touch the truth - if only you could reach me
how can I know your sweet caress if I can't reach your soul?
how can I feel your heart if mine is just an empty hole?
I've forgotten all my goals
I remember being whole
every scent of you assaults each breath I take with careless wonder
every gentle breeze renders me helpless and bereft
if only I could scent the truth - if only you could breathe it
how can I know your incense when my senses are confused?
How can I scent your heart when all that I can feel is used?
I've forgotten each abuse
I remember every bruise
every taste of you upon my lips is like a sweet surrender
every sip I savour leaves me drunken and replete
if only I could taste the truth - if only you'd sustain me
how can I know your fullness when my love just wastes away?
how can I taste your heart when you're the hunter, I the prey?
I've forgotten all your ways
I remember every day
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 12:59 pm
I love this one.
No critcism from me at all.
Again, it strikes me as a lyric,
although I would insert a slightly different meter scheme for one verse as a bridge if it was a lyric
but I don't mean that as a criticism.
Simply...wow.
No critcism from me at all.
Again, it strikes me as a lyric,
although I would insert a slightly different meter scheme for one verse as a bridge if it was a lyric
but I don't mean that as a criticism.
Simply...wow.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:23 pm
ohmygod, pam, you just can't HELP giving advice, can you? 
its lovely edge!
its lovely edge!
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:28 pm
Oh. My. God.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:43 pm
*shrug*Lucimay wrote:ohmygod, pam, you just can't HELP giving advice, can you?
Only if it was meant as a song. Otherwise the tune would be too repetitive, IMO.
As I also stated, as a poem, I have no criticism of it at all. It's outstanding.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 3:58 pm
not opinionated or anything, are ya!Menolly wrote:*shrug*Lucimay wrote:ohmygod, pam, you just can't HELP giving advice, can you?
Only if it was meant as a song. Otherwise the tune would be too repetitive, IMO.
As I also stated, as a poem, I have no criticism of it at all. It's outstanding.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:16 pm
Since Edge doesn't write for music, it's beside the point.
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:17 pm
Awww now. C'mon.
I never claimed to not be opinionated.
I never claimed to not be opinionated.