Kevin's Watch

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:37 am**

follow hlt's advice.

i was a virgin until age 21. and i turned out fine.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:29 pm**

someone said the 'f' word

Here's a possible scenario that might work.
You're in the grocery store and you see a pretty girl buying fresh garlic.
You say "excuse me, can I ask you something, how do you cook with garlic?"
You go on to say that you "keep seeing recipies that call for garlic but you have no idea what to do. There's fresh garlic, garlic in bottles, garlic presses, garlic cloves and even something called "cloves" in the spice rack. Is that garlic too?"
Hopefully that will start a conversation.
A nice girl will help you out.
Then you say "thank you" and walk away.
This gives her time to reflect upon how you're a nice guy.
Make sure you bump into her again before she leaves the store and ask her out.
Sometime during the first date if she mentions garlic again you casually mention that you can't stand it or know all about it (if you do) but then look her deep in the eyes and say that you only asked her about garlic because you were just dying to talk to her.
Chicks love that shit.
Then you fuck her.

Yeah that would work with me.......everything except the last 4 words

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:57 pm**

High Lord Tolkien should be banned from General Discussion forever for saying the F word and S word

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:01 pm**

Queeaqueg wrote:High Lord Tolkien should be banned from General Discussion forever for saying the F word and S word

I debated about that but I felt it really would have lost any comedic impact without them.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:14 pm**

I only ever really meet girls when I go out drinking or at the beach. I've told girls that I'm a penguin picker before. That i rescue baby penguins that have been abandoned by their mothers. Or that I train dolphins to diffuse underwater land mines. That's a good en.

Honesty never works imo. And if I do feel guilty I comfort myself in the knowledge that she's garanteed to have lied to me, explicitly or implicitly.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:29 pm**

HLT....

I love you man. I simply love you.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:54 pm**

Marv wrote: Honesty never works imo. And if I do feel guilty I comfort myself in the knowledge that she's garanteed to have lied to me, explicitly or implicitly.

Maybe honesty never works because you don't have an interesting enough life. Think on that, and despair.

If we are talking about how to move from virgin to ladies man, well, consider this analogy:

The Society of Assassins started off by doing the messiest, most gruesome assassinations known at the time. They made it very public and everyone got the picture they were not the ones to f*ck with. They got to where they didn't even have to assassinate anyone anymore, but could instead just leave a dagger by someone's throat with their emblem on it, and people would straighten right the hell up.

With that in mind, apply this story to sex and pleasure instead of murder and unpleasantness. And there you have it, my little droogies.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:55 pm**

I nominate HLT's post as an Instant Classic! I actually laughed out loud at work.

LF,

Two questions. Where do you work? Do you drink alcohol?

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:29 pm**

Cagliostro wrote:If we are talking about how to move from virgin to ladies man, well, consider this analogy:

The Society of Assassins started off by doing the messiest, most gruesome assassinations known at the time. They made it very public and everyone got the picture they were not the ones to f*ck with. They got to where they didn't even have to assassinate anyone anymore, but could instead just leave a dagger by someone's throat with their emblem on it, and people would straighten right the hell up.

With that in mind, apply this story to sex and pleasure instead of murder and unpleasantness. And there you have it, my little droogies.

I don't want to leave my dagger anywhere!

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:31 pm**

This is why you fail.

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:37 pm**

Yeah, but I don't.

And I'm sorry, but it's kinda hard to score when your dagger's somewhere other than where the rest of you is.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:40 pm**

No. What are you talking about?

Posted: **Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:58 pm**

Brinn wrote:

I nominate HLT's post as an Instant Classic! I actually laughed out loud at work.

LF,

Two questions. Where do you work? Do you drink alcohol?

I'm currently looking for a fall teaching position, and I do drink alcohol on occasion. I'm very methodical. If I plan on getting drunk, I'll write it on my schedule and drink mechanically until I can't walk straight.

Posted: **Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:56 am**

Chicks love that shit.
Then you fuck her.

Good luck!

Seriously Foul....being a virgin (especially as a guy)..it doesn;t really mean anything either way.
You can either look at it as that you are in a different class than many young men your age, that being a virgin makes you a differnt kind of person..or you can just look at it as that you haven't gotten laid yet.
If you look at it as the latter, its no big deal at all.

Posted: **Sat Jun 07, 2008 8:39 pm**

What's sex?

Posted: **Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:39 pm**

Waddley wrote:What's sex?

Main Entry: 1sex
Pronunciation: \ˈseks\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin sexus
Date: 14th century
1: either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures
2: the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
3 a: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b: sexual intercourse
4: genitalia

Posted: **Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:08 pm**

I meet looooaaaads of girls through tricking. Foul, take up teh trickzorz. There is even a saying in the tricking community: tricks get chicks.

(BTW yes I am aware of the double meaning. It's the oldest joke ever, so don't even bother.

)

Posted: **Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:58 pm**

James wrote:I meet looooaaaads of girls through tricking. Foul, take up teh trickzorz. There is even a saying in the tricking community: tricks get chicks.

(BTW yes I am aware of the double meaning. It's the oldest joke ever, so don't even bother. )

[Draws breath] Tricking, eh? ... [Sighs]
James, you're no fun at all, no matter how many reverses you can do.

What are us verbal tricksters supposed to do when you shut us down like that?

Foul, btw, I was 24 when 'the magic' happened for the first time. But sex is like driving a vehicle. It seems disproportionately important until you do it for a while, and though it remains essential for getting around and you never seem to stop wanting to drive all day, you find out you can move quite well without it, especially with prices being what they are today.

dw

Posted: **Sun Jun 08, 2008 1:30 pm**

I can tell you what doesn't get girls... wushu. No matter how cool you look or how many live shows you do...

What does get girls... having a Basset Hound

Posted: **Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:12 pm**

Lord Foul wrote:Post in here if you're a virgin.

A lot of virgins in this thread.

Wait...

-jay

Kevin's Watch

Virgins Anonymous

Re: Virgins Anonymous