Kevin's Watch

Posted: **Mon Sep 29, 2003 8:57 pm**

Very straaaaange....

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2003 12:32 am**

I read some Austen years ago. Emma is the book that sticks out in my mind. I can't say that I'm a huge Austen fan, but I think its worth reading at least one of her books to experience great character development within a well written story. Austen knew how to develop her characters while not losing sight of the plot.
Austen does have a penchant for frilly descriptions and almost ridiculous love intrigues, but that whole era was filled with writers who did the same (Charlotte Lennox, Fanny Burney.) Wasn't Austen sort of the originator of the romance novel?

Have any of you Austen fans ever read Henry Fielding? He wrote Shamela (a satire of Richardson's Pamela) as well as Joseph Andrews (a satire of various romance novels of the day.) Pretty funny stuff. I highly reccomend him.

Posted: **Tue Sep 30, 2003 3:49 am**

Henry Fielding? That´s Tom Jones, right? No, I have not read it. I will soon start with George Eliot, but after her perhaps.

Posted: **Wed Oct 01, 2003 6:46 am**

Yes, he also wrote Tom Jones.

Posted: **Fri Oct 03, 2003 8:55 am**

I actually re-read some of these recently. I had a *much* better time with Jane Austen now (at 40+) than I did when I read her stuff in junior high.

When I was in 8th grade, my favorite book was Jane Eyre; I read and re-read and re-re-read it so many times that my paperback copy fell open on its own at the "good parts" (scenes between Jane and Rochester -- I was a hopeless romantic then...). I re-re-re-read it not long ago and found that I still enjoyed it.

I also re-read Wuthering Heights awhile back and found that I still wasn't too wild about it. Too melodramatic. So...I prefer Charlotte to Emily. Never read any of Anne's stuff, but I hear she was quite good; maybe I'll check at the library.

Posted: **Fri Oct 10, 2003 10:50 am**

Found this on a funny site:

"Sauron and Saruman" by Jane Awesome

by as_u_wish

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single hobbit in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of an adventure.

However little known the feelings or views of such a hobbit may be on his first receiving his inheritance, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of wandering wizards, that he is considered as the rightful recipient of one or the other of their magic rings.

“My dear Mr. Sackville-Baggins,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Bag End is vacant at last?”

Mr. Sackville-Baggins replied that he had not.

“But it is,” returned she, “for Mrs. Bracegirdle has just been here, and she has told me all about it.”

Mr. Sackville-Baggins made no answer.

“Do you not want to know what has happened?” cried his wife impatiently.

“You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”

This was invitation enough.

“Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Bracegirdle says that the ring was taken by a young hobbit of large fortune and is heading east to Rivendell; that he eloped secretly with the wizard Gandalf, who has a fortune of six thousand a year, and that he is to remain in sole possession until Michelmas; though the Lord Sauron de Morder has indicated his evident displeasure and refused to give his consent; and, my dear, Gandalf’s fortune is nothing compared to his; it is certain that some of his servants are to be in close pursuit by the end of next week.”

I wonder if there is a "Jane Austen written by SRD", too? Then I will be certain they will not live happily ever after (if they live...).

Posted: **Fri Oct 10, 2003 4:32 pm**

The Lord of the Rings, by Ernest Hemingway
Frodo Baggins looked at the ring. The ring was round. It was a good ring. The hole at the heart of the ring was also round. The hole was clean and pure. The hole at the heart of the ring had an emptiness in it that made Frodo Baggins remember the big skies of the Shire when his father had taken him out and taught him to tear the heads off the small, furred things that walked there, even though he hated blood in those days and the stink of the blood was always part of the emptiness for him then and ever after.
Frodo Baggins could put the ring on his finger now. The stink of the blood and the hole and the emptiness could never leave him now. Frodo Baggins looked at the ash-heap slopes of Mordor and remembered the Cuban orc who had kept the ash on his cigar all the way to the end. The orc just drew on the cigar and smoked the cigar calmly and kept the ash in a long gray finger, a hard finger, right to the moment that the Rangers beat hit to death with clubs. He was mucho orco, the Cuban.

Frodo Baggins looked at the ring and the hole and smelled the sulfur smell that came from the vent in the mountain. There were scorched black bushes round the vent. The vent was like the cleft of the old whore at the Prancing Pony on the night that the Black Riders came. Frodo Baggins reached in his pouch and took out the flask of good grappa there and filled his mouth and swallowed the grappa. She was mucha puta, the old whore.

Frodo Baggins could spit again so he spat hard, once. He took the ring and threw it into the vent.

The earth moved.

Posted: **Sat Oct 11, 2003 7:58 pm**

Ylva Kresh wrote:I wonder if there is a "Jane Austen written by SRD", too? Then I will be certain they will not live happily ever after (if they live...).

Ouch. For a moment there you had me tempted me to write a bit of this. One of the Bennett girls (dim little Lydia, perhaps) surprising a handsome stranger on Kevin's Watch... but, no. It's just gonna be all too ugly.

"I'm not your bloody Mr Darcy! I don't have no six thousand white gold pounds a year! Hellfire! Are you trying to drive me crazy?"

Posted: **Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:44 pm**

Lord Foul wrote:
The Lord of the Rings, by Ernest Hemingway
Hee hee, my favorite take on Hemingway? His version of "Why the did the chicken cross the road?"..... to die... in the rain.

Posted: **Sun Oct 12, 2003 2:56 pm**

Makes me want to dig out my copy of "The Best of Bad Hemingway, Vol 1."

Posted: **Tue Oct 21, 2003 7:35 pm**

I can´t remember where I found this (somewhere on the net, but where?):

Ultra-short version of a Jane Austen book (for you who do not have the energy to read one yourself)

Female lead: I am in love with the male lead. He must never know.

Male lead: I am in love with the female lead. She must never know.

They find out.

Posted: **Wed Oct 22, 2003 4:08 am**

mmm .. yeah that pretty much sums it up

Posted: **Wed Oct 22, 2003 7:48 am**

Ylva Kresh wrote:I can´t remember where I found this (somewhere on the net, but where?):

Here.

Book-a-Minute

From the same site:

The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever
By Stephen R. Donaldson
Ultra-Condensed by Russell Lutz

Lord Mhoram
Thomas Covenant, you are the savior of The Land.

Thomas Covenant
Bite me.

(Thomas Covenant saves The Land.)

THE END

The Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant
By Stephen R. Donaldson
Ultra-Condensed by Russell Lutz

Thomas Covenant
I am the savior of The Land.

Linden Avery
Can I help?

Thomas Covenant
Over my dead body. (dies)

(Linden Avery saves The Land.)

THE END

Posted: **Wed Oct 22, 2003 12:22 pm**

Yes, that is it. But where is the limeric on the cronicles? Not the same site?

Posted: **Wed Oct 22, 2003 7:53 pm**

Oh, yeah. That's my favorite summary of the Chronicles.

The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever
In six volumes

adapted by Richard Kennaway

"Hellfire!" Covenant clenched through teeth gritted,
Fighting telic-faced svarts, gelid-witted,
"Though I suage the Land's plight,
'Spunge Lord Foul's Bane's Despite,
As a leper (Outcast! Unclean!) I'll ne'er be acquitted!"

Posted: **Thu Oct 23, 2003 12:47 am**

roflmao!! LOL .. thats great!!

I love the lymeric

Posted: **Thu Oct 23, 2003 1:13 pm**

Too bad it is under the Jane Austen-topic...

Posted: **Sat Dec 27, 2003 10:54 am**

I'm not going to let this topic vanish!

Anyway, I'm a huge fan of 19th century literature. To be honest, I prefer it to 20th and 21st literature. Jane Austen is brilliant. I loved the Pride and Prejudice BBC series. The book, however, is something special. I can't put it down. The interplay between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy is excellent, her rejection of Mr Collins' marriage proposal is good I wish a woman would reject me in that way!

The opening line to the book is one of the best I've ever read. And Mr Darcy is one of the great characters in fiction.

I also love Wuthering Heights because it has great atmosphere. I dare anyone not to be drawn into the dark world of Heathcliff and his obsession. If only people wrote as well as Bronte, Austen, and other 19th century authors . . . .

Posted: **Tue Dec 30, 2003 11:30 am**

Posted: **Tue Dec 30, 2003 2:21 pm**

B&B wrote:Oh, and then there's toenail painting, hair braiding and weird contests such as
Spoiler

who can hold the biggest object under their

do you really want to know?
Spoiler

breast.

I came to this thread looking for a little culture and this is what I get!

But I've gotta ask...what's the record?