Kevin's Watch

After being served the divorce papers from Joan, Thomas Covenant goes to town, walks into the first bar he sees and grumbles, " Give me a shot of whiskey!.".he gulps it down, then yells out.." All Lawyers are assholes!!"
From the other end of the bar a voice is heard,, "' Hey! Take that back!"
Thomas barks, " Why, You a Lawyer? ",," No! I'm a asshole!"

Covenant walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. Soon after, a priest, a rabbi, and a blonde walk in and sit down. Covenant growls, "What is this, a joke??"

Thomas Covenant is quietly at the Mythil Stonedown bar nursing a scotch and water when all of a sudden a Stonedowner runs in yelling,," Look Out Everybody!! The Biggest Nastiest Monster is coming to town!! Run for your lives!! The Stonedowner promptly leaves yelling his message on his way. Not 2 seconds later the biggest stinkiest foulest Demondim Covenant had ever seen waddled into the bar and demanded a bottle of whiskey,," AND MAKE IT QUICK!!" the Demondim growled. The bartender scurried and said,," Sure! Sure ! anything you want!, but whats the hurry?" Demondim replied," Hurry up with that!!, Haven't you heard?,,Thelma Two Fist is on her way to town!!"

Drinny trots into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender says, excuse me, but you'll have to speak up, i didn't quite get that, now, what do ya have?" Drinny again said it wanted a gin and tonic. The bartender replied," Coulld you please say that louder! If you want a drink , You'll have to speak up so I can hear you! "Drinny replied, " You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse."

Why was Linden Avery on the roof of the only bar in Mithil Stonedown?


















...because she heard the drinks are on the house..

please please stop - i've just wetted my third pair of pants.

Lord Mhoram walks into "Trell's Bar and Grill"* and says: "Yo Trellster! How is it hanging? Could you get me a shot of Diamondraught please?"

"Sure thing!" says Trell, furriously twitching "That'll be 5 cents Sir."

"5 cents??" exclaims Lord Mhoram "That's damned cheap. Let me have a double then."

"Yes sir, five cents please." Trell answers.

"Hey! Waitaminute... I'll have a whole skin full then." Lord Mhoram drools expectantly.

"Yes sir. Five cents please." Trell says, now smiling slightly.

"Fine!" Lord Mhoram is shaken not stirred: " Let my buy the whole damned place, you silly old twat!"

Trell sets his habitual price: "Yes my Lord. Five cents please."

"But WHY???" Mhoram shouts: "You just sold me what's left of your livelihood for FIVE MEASLY CENTS!!!!"

"Well," Trell philosophizes: "TC is upstairs f**king my demented daughter. Now I'm downstairs f**king up his business."



* A small joint that TC bought and named after Trell to make amends after Trell went off his rocker. Pun intended.

lurch wrote:After being served the divorce papers from Joan, Thomas Covenant goes to town, walks into the first bar he sees and grumbles, " Give me a shot of whiskey!.".he gulps it down, then yells out.." All Lawyers are assholes!!"
From the other end of the bar a voice is heard,, "' Hey! Take that back!"
Thomas barks, " Why, You a Lawyer? ",," No! I'm a asshole!"

+1. You can't beat a good lawyer joke!

Lawyer joke, priceless. Bar and Grill joke, a little painful, but still funny. You guys are good. Wish I could think of one. I'll check my stash of springwine; maybe that will inspire me.

Thomas Covenant walk into a bar.

Mhoram saids. "No more for you!"

I tried to come up with a joke where Covenant tries to use his ring to pay for liquor, but the fat, sweaty bartender puts it on his pinky finger, then blacks out when he slips on a spot in the floor, cracks his head, and gets transported to the Land. But I come up blank. The bartender's name might be Kevin. Okay.....GO!!!

TC walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer and begins gulping it down when a sandwich enters the bar.

The bartender looks at the sandwich and says, "Hey! We don't serve food here!"

Covenant walks into a bar, bartender says, "What'll it be?."

"Just one beer, I tend to fall apart after too many drinks..."

Thomas Covenant walks into a bar.
The bartender says " knock knock!"
Thomas Covenant replies, " Oh! I 'm in the wrong joke.."

Covenant walks into a bar and says "Sex on the beach, please"
bartender says,"I thought you were impotent."

lurch wrote:Drinny trots into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender says, excuse me, but you'll have to speak up, i didn't quite get that, now, what do ya have?" Drinny again said it wanted a gin and tonic. The bartender replied," Coulld you please say that louder! If you want a drink , You'll have to speak up so I can hear you! "Drinny replied, " You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little hoarse."

Covenant walks into a bar. "Damn, now I gotta do a VSE!"

Zen, love your avatar and your sig line............ toadly cool...........

This is one of the best threads ever. Even the lame ones are fun to read and groan.

So,,a Vile walks into the Mithil Stonedown bar and says, "
The bartender replied, " "
The Vile exclaimed,