Kevin's Watch

SoulBiter wrote:I have gotten a better feel for what Anele means when he talks of how his parents (Sunder and Hollian) 'astonish' him. Your entire family 'astonishes' me.

If there is one thing that I've learned from my parents, my mother especially, is that nothing, absolutely nothing is greater than the power of love.

Love is the essence of miracles.

Indeed...

Love is the essence of miracles

Brooke, there are times when you astonish me.

Soulbiter...huggles!!

And thank you everyone for all the kind words and condolences. He wasn't with us long, but for the time he was, we (as Fist so eloquently said) saturated him with love.

Peace to all

Alex's "story"...sigh. I've thought long and hard about whether or not to do this. In the end tho, I think everyone will better understand what it actually meant to him to be here on the mountain for his final days, and also for him to find friends here on the Watch. So, here goes. First, a quote of his from the 'Tank:

Alex wrote:Yeah, see? I didn't think I was saying it right. I'm no good at this stuff. I know happiness can be found for people who are gay, and I know that being gay isn't the cause of AIDS. I never had the chance to be happy, not until just recently. When I said that being gay was the cause of my AIDS, I meant that if I wasn't gay I never would have been a target for those who gave me the virus.

It really is too late for me to find someone to share life and love with. I'm full blown AIDS now, I wouldn't put anyone I loved through watching me go through what is soon to come. How I feel about my homosexuality is probably irrelavent to this discussion. I hope one day that homosexuals do have the right to marry, everywhere. And I hope that it won't be looked on as something deviant or, like Fist said, filthy, but as something just as beautiful and wonderful and "normal" as hetero marriage.

The bolded statement caused some to take pause, and they asked him what he meant. He never got a chance to respond. So, I will answer for him.

Alex was an abused child. His father beat him and would call him all sorts of degrading and horrible names..."sissy", "faggot", "pr**klicker"...etc, from the time he was 5 years old. When he was 14, he fled and took to the streets. He was a gay teenager living alone in a cardboard box on the streets of St Paul. Word got around among the street people that a "gay virgin boy" was among them. Long horriific story cut short...a group of men caught him one night and gang raped him in an alley. One or more of them was carrying the HIV virus, Alex was infected then. Of course, he didn't know until much later, when AIDS developed. After the rape, he was placed into a group home, where he was taunted and abused further for being gay. Finally, at age 18, when he had aged out of the system, he was able to go out again on his own. He moved from place to place, feeling like he never belonged anywhere. Worked odd jobs, played guitar and sang on the streets for money..all the while he was getting sick. When he was 22, he went to an ER and they discovered that he had PCP...He was full blown AIDS by then. He never found love, never knew true friendship, he loathed himself and his homosexuality...and he thought he was going to die alone.

We all have nightmares, we all dream of the monsters coming after us once in a while. For Alex, the monsters were real. He was hurt so horribly. When he finally came to us, he was so full of fear and pain. When I talked to him that first day, he broke down and sobbed. He couldn't believe that someone would actually want to help him. And when I say I got to him so late...well, I wish I would have gotten to him years ago. A lifetime of pain, of horror...two months of love and happiness. I hope it was enough.

Permanent--David Cook

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
even if I tell you I won't go away
today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and
everything is temporary rest your head
I´m permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask
"oh God is there some way for me to take his place?"
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away
But still you say..

Will you think that you're all alone when
no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
and everything is temporary, rest your head
I´m permanent
I´m permanent

Is the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry

"Love is the essence of miracles" Alex's miracle was that we found him and he us. He passed knowing he was loved...

My deepest codolences on your loss Furls , God bless him thankfully he had someone to care for him at the end . A hearth moving story I must say . Be well.

Thanks for sharing Alex's story Furl's, horrific as it is. Alex's last post on Kevin's Watch was this:

Alex wrote:Everyone is so kind. Thank you for all the prayers.

I will never be able to repay Tracie, her family, and all of you.

This was back on 19th/20th July. I was always waiting for another post from him... Knowing his story has given so much emotional weight to his final entry for me - although it is so upsetting, it is also heartening to know that at least at the end he knew love.

You said it, Stevie, upsetting is the word. The kinds of petty cruelty human beings are capable of never ceases to amaze and sicken me.

Thank you for telling Alex's story, Furls.

Thanks for sharing Furls..... How people can inflict such pain and suffereing on others and then sleep at night is beyond me. How a father can treat his son the way he was treated is beyond. Cruelty mounded on more cruelty.... and then AIDS..... The way it seems to be cureless no matter how much money and research is thrown at it, the way it mutates... I could easily be convinced that its something that got loose from some idiot in a bio weapons lab.

Im so glad that he was able to find love and peace while he was in this world.. even if in the scheme of things it was for the briefiest of moments.

I haven't posted here for not knowing what to say. All I got is, the world is diminished by Alex's passing. But it was enriched by FF's acts of grace. There's solace there.

Goodness, Alex's story is a very sad one.

It is my dream that someday people will be seen as their entirety - valued for what is in their hearts and minds and judged on their actions towards others - rather than being so harshly judged for only one small aspect (such as sexual orientation) of a complex whole.

Words fail me at the moment.

Huggles all

Sweet rest Alex. I'm only sorry I wasn't able to meet you.

Furls Fire wrote:A lifetime of pain, of horror...two months of love and happiness. I hope it was enough.

*sigh* When you have never imagined even a day of love and happiness, two months is an eternity Furls. Never doubt it.

(I've put an excerpt from your post into the thread in the 'Tank where Alex never had the chance to reply. Thanks.)

--A

Just heard about this and wished to offer my condolences...

Love and peace at the end of life is something I'm sure we would all wish too obtain, even if it is for such a brief time. It's good to know that such people as Alex can find, however briefly, their own guardian angels.

Avatar wrote:

Furls Fire wrote:A lifetime of pain, of horror...two months of love and happiness. I hope it was enough.

*sigh* When you have never imagined even a day of love and happiness, two months is an eternity Furls. Never doubt it.

(I've put an excerpt from your post into the thread in the 'Tank where Alex never had the chance to reply. Thanks.)

--A

Thank you, Av. I had thought about doing that myself...

And I know it doesn't matter how much time we had with him, it only matters what we did with the time we had. We all embraced him everyday and I know he felt loved.

Peace all. He walks with angels now.

Miss you, man.

Alex's patch for the AIDS Quilt is finished. We will be sending it off to San Fran Monday to be added to it. Myles, Heidi, Jordan, Ryan, Micah, Tristan, Chelsea, Imani and I are hoping to go to San Fran for WAD and attend the dedication. Where Jordan will stand up and tell Alex's story.

This is something Mom wanted to do, but due to her illness, she can't this year. This will be the first time in over 20 years that Mom has not attended World AIDS Day events.

World AIDS Day, December 1, 2009:

www.avert.org/world-aids-day.htm

This year's theme: Universal Access and Human Rights

Each year we pray that this will be last year we will have a WAD.

I think it is awesome that Jordan will share Alex's story.
What a tribute, Jordan.

And all the while your mother, the woman we all know her to be and love her for it, has called the Houston organizing committee for WAD from her hospital bed to see what their events were and to make suggestions for additions...

*shakes head*

More power to ya, Furls!
But, please allow your body the focus it needs to heal you...

Hehehe...

She is who she is. She will fight to rid the world of AIDS until she herself takes her last breath.

Jordan and Micah both did the dedication of their Mother's patch in 2007.

I'm so proud of my kids! Love and miss you guys!

Harley Guy wrote:I'm so proud of my kids! Love and miss you guys!

What Daddy said.