Kevin's Watch

Within the swampy cultural bayous of the High School Social Networking landscape, the sudden realization was made known to the Freshman Class President, Juan Señor, Jr.:

The predeliction of his classmates to enjoy sophomoric puns was creating morasses from which he could not escape.

Interior to an orifice beneath a knob there tenants a goblette. Not a disreputable, contaminated, submerged orifice glutted with annelid anuses and a morassy redolence, nor moreover a dessicated, unembellished, gravelly orifice sans buttock ediface or comestibles: this oriface is categorized a goblette-den, which precludes perturbation.

Cheating: this is one that was actually submitted to me by a student for a creative writing assignment...a college freshman! [though another student told me he had stolen if off the 'net...I never checked, maybe it was, and y'all have seen it before].

It was a dark night. The kind of night you get when there's no sun in the sky. The kind of dark where you know if a black person was following you, you wouldn't be able to see them. I looked behind me to make sure. But it was nothing new, I'm used to working in the dark a..holes of the world. Then because I ducked across the street for coffee it started to rain. I hate the rain when I'm all wet, but especially when it makes my job harder which it always does. I started to wonder if I was a rain god like Douglas Adams was, and if this was the kind of rain that eskimos would have 200 different names for if they knew what rain was on top of all that snow.

It goes on, but that's plenty.

Ananda wrote:The young man's ideas were like a pulsing shaft of light that penetrated into her, wooden and rigid in their virility, standing firm against the body of evidence that she eagerly thrust up against his onslaught, pressing and pushing and, as hard as she thought, the young nun could not figure out why she was so drawn to him.

the winnah - tokens sent - congrats offered.

i really liked the one you posted vraith, had the author offered it, he would have won.

Thank you!

Since this is the best game ever, I'm offerring up my winnings in the next round of the contest.

Just one change to the rules: since people miss the one sentence only part, we'll just make it 'the first sentence or first few sentences'. This will open it up to more styles, too.

Rules:
Opening sentence or sentences for a novel or story, as bad as you can do it. Post them here
Every user can enter 2 separate entries, if they like
Contest ends 23 september
Prizes: 1000 tokens to the best worst entry

Joe fased the three guys who wernt none yoo preddy looking, all swkinting and all. Kwik as litenin, Joe pulled out a shiny whatsit from a pouch onna side a' that there brown bag on the brown thing holdin' up his britches and whatnot. I heard three loud POPS and fire I smelt smoke and the three skwinty guys fell over, and ther wuz rad splochy stuffs all over there shirts. I don't no who throwd them tomaters at them, but they wuz dam good at threwing tomaters, let me tel yoo.

dAN, that was pure gold.

Flower of Doom chapter 45 page 502.

Congrats, Ananda-- well deserved, that was awesome.

All the entries were really fun. I particularly loved this bit, "causing her tears to fall like a waterfall into the deep pools of her whole being"- That was so fun. As a reader, I crave more!

More entries!

I thought that this was very badly written ... The Gap Into Witlessness: Forbidden Chaos Arises Enjoy!

Thanks, Ananda, you've inspired me to toss out another gem of worthlessness:

Flowing gently down the stream of consciousness and breaking the shining surface of the pools of the depths of her imagination, Sunshine Rainbow Unikorne waltzed down the forest paths of her heart envisioning shimmering gossamer ephemera-- only to awake from her reverie when the student in the fourth row's paper airplane embedded itself in her cloud of wavy blond waist-length hair as she leaned on her desk before the monolithic chalkboard that hung over her soul like a dusty pall.

I went into a sex shop years ago when I worked in Manhattan on a dare from a co-worker, what a weird experience, they actually had booths where guys could go into and see live shows through a one way window, the store sold the most obscene items, it was almost funny, they did sell dildos and penis-shaped vibrators replicating very well endowed males, it was very creepy.

well, I'm scarred for life.

Two days left to put in a prize winning entry!

deer of the dawn wrote:well, I'm scarred for life.

i win then?

sgt.null wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:well, I'm scarred for life.

i win then?

What, exactly, were you hoping to win?

Wonderful entries! I loved them all.

But, I will pick the following as the winner. Love that bit about the chalkboard- really made me smile.

deer of the dawn wrote: Flowing gently down the stream of consciousness and breaking the shining surface of the pools of the depths of her imagination, Sunshine Rainbow Unikorne waltzed down the forest paths of her heart envisioning shimmering gossamer ephemera-- only to awake from her reverie when the student in the fourth row's paper airplane embedded itself in her cloud of wavy blond waist-length hair as she leaned on her desk before the monolithic chalkboard that hung over her soul like a dusty pall.

Tokens on their way!

deer of the dawn wrote:

sgt.null wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:well, I'm scarred for life.

i win then?

What, exactly, were you hoping to win?

nevermind and congrats my dear deer... you are the winner!

Ananda wrote:Wonderful entries! I loved them all.

But, I will pick the following as the winner. Love that bit about the chalkboard- really made me smile.

deer of the dawn wrote: Flowing gently down the stream of consciousness and breaking the shining surface of the pools of the depths of her imagination, Sunshine Rainbow Unikorne waltzed down the forest paths of her heart envisioning shimmering gossamer ephemera-- only to awake from her reverie when the student in the fourth row's paper airplane embedded itself in her cloud of wavy blond waist-length hair as she leaned on her desk before the monolithic chalkboard that hung over her soul like a dusty pall.

Tokens on their way!

Thanks, Ananda! Next winner gets 1000 from me... if I can figure out how to give them.

there is a donate button - so who is taking the next game?