ABC Flower of Doom reviews

[wayfriend]

"Understandably, the authors were not paid an advance. Or were paid. Or were authors."
-- Cash for Gold

[aTOMiC]

"Viscount Tannnis Tangleberry once wrote 'Tis better to fall and fail than to fail to fall and resign oneself to the pleasures of incompetence' a message the authors of Flower of Doom clearly don't understand.

- Tickle Brickle Publications

[wayfriend]

"When I was halfway through Flower of Doom, I came to realize that I had made a grave mistake. I had been waiting for some profound statement, some tortured punch-line, that would reveal to me why my inner ears had been so punctured by that prose. 'Surely,' I said to myself. 'Surely the point is coming.' When I realized that there was no point, that what I had assumed was a set-up for something innovatively entertaining was instead 'it' ... and nothing more ... I got up and lept out a window."
-- The Sadist Muses

[Skyweir]

Nice writing style Wayfriend

Flowers of Doom was disappointing from beginning to end. The author Shittleback Wumfiender is a hack arguably of the worst literary Schools in Hackdom. Our advice to Master Wumfiender is to put down, no PUT DOWN pens and tools and take up a future in manure processing.

Editor in Chief
Rejection letter
Apocalyptic Publications

[Cord Hurn]

"[...]x Ingram as a major source of inspiration for their work. In fact, von Stroheim trusted no one else but Ingram to edit his masterpiece Greed when the studio demanded it be shortened (unfortunately, Ingram’s version was never issued and does not survive today). Thanks to the rediscovery and preservation of these early Ingram films, we have the opportunity to behold the director and his work during his development into the iconic pictorialist for which he is chiefly remembered.

“Although The Flower Of Doom was produced as a Universal Red Feather release (the studio’s low-budget imprint), it does demonstrate a perceptible cinematic step forward from the films Ingram had made the previous year. His grasp of composition has matured, and Ingram’s career-long interest in realism lends an air of authenticity to the film."--reviewed by Silent Movie Box Day 9,29 on the website Letterboxd

[sgt.null]

In 2026, a wormhole portal, the Ark, to an ancient city on Mars is discovered deep below the Nevada desert. Twenty years later, the 85 personnel at the Union Aerospace Corporation (UAC) research facility on Mars are attacked by an unknown assailant. Following a distress call sent by Dr. Carmack, a squad of eight marines are sent to the research facility. The team includes squad leader Sgt. Asher "Sarge" Mahonin, "Duke", "Goat", "Destroyer", Portman, "Mac", a rookie ("Kid") and John "Reaper" Grimm. They are sent on a search-and-destroy mission to Mars, with UAC only concerned with the retrieval of computer data from their anthropology, archeology, and genetics experiments.

The team uses the Ark to reach Mars, ordering the Earth site on lockdown. Arriving on Mars, they are met by UAC employee "Pinky". Reaper finds his twin sister, Dr. Sam Grimm, and escorts her to retrieve the data. He learns that a dig site, where their parents were accidentally killed years earlier, was reopened and ancient skeletons of a humanoid race genetically enhanced with an artificial 24th chromosome pair were discovered.

While searching for survivors in the facility, the marines find a traumatized and injured Dr. Carmack and escort him to the medical lab for treatment, but he later disappears. The marines shoot at an unknown creature in the genetics lab that leads them down into the facility's sewer, where it attacks and kills Goat. They kill the creature and take it to the medical lab, where Sam performs an autopsy and discovers that its organs are human. She and Duke witness Goat resurrecting and killing himself by smashing his head against a reinforced window. The two are attacked by a creature, trap it, and soon deduce that it is a mutated Dr. Carmack.

The squad methodically tracks down and destroys several of the creatures, though Mac, Destroyer, and Portman die in the process. An angered Sarge kills the mutated Dr. Carmack. Sam, Reaper, and Sarge learn that UAC was experimenting on humans using the extra Martian Chromosome (C24) harvested from the remains of the ancient skeletons, but the mutants got loose, leading to the outbreak. Sam and Reaper try to convince Sarge that the creatures are humans from the facility, mutated by the C24 serum and that not all of those infected will fully transform into the creatures. Sam hypothesizes that some of those injected with C24 will develop superhuman abilities but retain their humanity, while others with a predisposition for violent or psychotic behavior will become creatures, a pattern she believes also happened with the Martians, who built the Ark to escape.

Some creatures use the Ark to reach Earth, where they slaughter or mutate the research staff. The marines, Sam, and Pinky follow, and Sarge orders the squad to sanitize the entire facility. When Kid informs Sarge that he found, but refuses to kill, a group of survivors, Sarge executes Kid for insubordination, leading to a standoff with an armed Pinky. The group is suddenly attacked by creatures who kill Duke and drag Sarge and Pinky away. Reaper is wounded by a ricocheting bullet. To prevent him from bleeding to death, Sam injects her brother with the C24 serum, despite his concern that his violent past predisposes him to transform into a creature.

Reaper regains consciousness and finds his wounds have healed and that Sam has gone missing. Using his new C24 superhuman abilities, he fights his way through the facility, even battling a mutated and monstrous Pinky before finding an unconscious Sam with Sarge, who has become infected and has murdered the group of survivors Kid had previously found. Reaper and Sarge battle, both of them enhanced with superhuman powers. Reaper is able to gain the upper hand and throws Sarge through the Ark back to Mars along with a grenade, which destroys Sarge and the Mars facility. Reaper then carries his unconscious sister into the elevator and rides back up to the ground level in Nevada.

[Cord Hurn]

Yvette Mitchell as the character Tea Rose

[sgt.null]

Pink Lady is an American variety show 
that aired for five weeks on NBC in 1980,
starring the Japanese musical duo of
the same name. The show also is referred
to by the title Pink Lady and Jeff, referring
to co-star Jeff Altman. The show was riddled
with complications, including the dispute
over the name: agents for the starring parties
were never able to settle on one, and the show
was advertised both ways during its run. Other
difficulties included scriptwriting disagreements,
guest star booking mishaps, taping and touring
conflicts, and the fact that Mie and Kei, the
members of Pink Lady, did not understand English.

[Cord Hurn]

Zero tolerance for movies that end in opium smoking.

[aTOMiC]

Although Southard and Cummins have talents none of them include writing. Flower of Doom is an incoherent dumpster fire that grates on one's nerves from the opening run on sentence. Why is the word that comes to mind when I....you know what? Nevermind.

[Cord Hurn]

"Buck was played by one of the most ineffectual actors in theatrical history. And the rest of the actors weren't much inspiring either. The writers need to be run out of town and never let back to make movies again."

[sgt.null]

Pink Lady was an American variety show
that aired for five weeks on NBC in 1980,
starring the Japanese musical duo of
the same name. The show also is referred
to by the title Pink Lady and Jeff, referring
to co-star Jeff Altman. The show was riddled
with complications, including the dispute
over the name: agents for the starring parties
were never able to settle on one, and the show
was advertised both ways during its run. Other
difficulties included scriptwriting disagreements,
guest star booking mishaps, taping and touring
conflicts, and the fact that Mi and Kei, the
members of Pink Lady, did not understand English.