Kevin's Watch

I'd better like it, for the time being. Until I find that job where I review books and actually get paid enough to live comfortably.

At least I am good at this office job, and appreciated. It would be ungrateful of me not to be happy about that.

I like the function of my job. I do it very well. I'm in networking for a large corporation.

But my manager is a $#*($ and the utter nerds I work with laugh their geeky little laughs constantly, nonstop. It's so bad now that I am forced to wear headphones and listen to music just to get away from their complete lack of social skills.

Perhaps I'm being paid back for something...

ENDLESS SUMMER wrote:That's too bad you don't like your job. Why do you do it then. And what would you rather do?

I love my job

Whoa, I thought you were me there for a second I was like "What the heck?! I haven't posted in here!"

Anyhow, Welcome to the Watch.

About my job... I only work in the summer. Lifegaurding's not the most stimulating thing out there but it's tolerable.

onewyteduck wrote:Oh HELL NO!

Sorry there folks. Just a REALLY BAD week.

Duck

Tubbs wrote:Do I like my job? My current one, no (same one darth has, incidentaly). It's absolutely totally utterly irretrevabley rubbish.

yep. That is a very much accurate description.

ZefaLefeLaH wrote:I like the function of my job. I do it very well. I'm in networking for a large corporation.

But my manager is a $#*($ and the utter nerds I work with laugh their geeky little laughs constantly, nonstop. It's so bad now that I am forced to wear headphones and listen to music just to get away from their complete lack of social skills.

Perhaps I'm being paid back for something...

Keep em Zeph

Mine's okay. I'm a legal secretary. There are days when it's very close to perfect -- pretty good money, good benefits, nice people, almost nothing to do -- but it's not very challenging. And some days it's chaotic and stressful and I have to work my a** off.

So, even here in Job Paradise, I sometimes wonder what the freak I'm doing here. And then I remember: I have two kids to put through college....

As jobs go, I suppose mine isn't a bad one. At least, it'll do until I figure out a way to make money without having to put in any effort.

I'm a writer for a marketing company, and basically, all I do is write. This suits me, as it's something I both enjoy, and like to think that I'm quite good at.

It's definitely not the worst job I've ever had

--Avatar

Hierachy suggested I start pimping.

Now that is really funny, Darth.

Does he want to work for you? just kidding.

My job....well, I wear many hats. literally. ha
I am the cook, the dishwasher, the nurse, the person who takes and picks up from work, school, what not, ...
the person who most of the time mows the huge lawn, does the weedeating, seeing to the plants, pool cleaner, driveway sweeper,
car washer and interior cleaner,
laundress, ironer, housecleaner,
counselor, advisor, consultant, argument settler,
photographer, shopper (groceries and all things),
dancer, book keeper for my husband's business,
homeschool teacher (not at present--but may be again in future)
sex goddess, and generally hell on wheels in spare time.
I gripe from time to time, throw me a fit now and then, but for the most part I dearly love my job.
I don't get a regular salary, but my husband never questions my judgement or my decisions about money. He always wants me to have whatever I want (within reason)and my daughter often gives me lovely
gifts and extremely expensive hand me downs, which I am thrilled with.
I work hard, but I have a lot to be thankful for.

101 Reasons Why Jail is Better than the Navy



1. No watch standing. There are already people there who get paid to do that.

2. You actually did something wrong to get the punishment that you're receiving (well, in most cases).

3. Jail doesn't get underway.

4. You actually get twin sized beds.

5. You only have one or two cellmates as opposed to 80.

6. Your cell has more space than an officer's stateroom.

7. You won't go six months without a conjugal visit.

8. You get care packages more often.

9. You get to lie in your bed whenever you damn well please.

10. No uniform inspections - your uniform can looked as messed up as you allow it to get.

11. You get to wear sneakers all day, everyday.

12. You don't wear the same clothes little three-year-old boys wore back in the 1930's.

13. You can get out early on good behavior.

14. When your four-year sentence is almost up, no one tries to convince you to stay.

15. After you've done your four-year sentence, you're not "subject to recall" for the next four years

16. If there's a fire, the guard dials 9-1-1, herds everyone out of the building and everyone waits for the fire department to come take care of it.

17. There are no fire drill inspections to fail and be punished for.

18. There's no exam required to move you to minimum security.

19. You can curse out the prison staff all you want, nothing happens.

20. When you get out, they can't call you back to make you serve more time.

21. You get to play sports everyday.

22. Not busy? Standing around doing nothing? No one cares.

23. No haircuts against your will. You can sport the "Jesus Look" if you want to.

24. The "lifers" don't get thirty days head-of-the-line privileges for being sentenced to another four years.

25. If someone jumps in front of you in the chow line, you push him the heck out of your way.

26. It's easier to accept the fact that your wife is cheating on you.

27. There's a full library.

28. You don't have to hunt people down for fifty different signatures in order to qualify as "License Plate Stamper".

29. They don't keep you from going back to your cell once every six days.

30. They don't threaten to keep you from going back to your cell once every three days for not qualifying as "License Plate Stamper" within six months after being thrown in jail.

31. No reveille.

32. The water isn't "made".

33. You get to play cards all day.

34. You have more opportunity to call home.

35. Everyone there is equally worthless.

36. You get movies AND cable 365 days a year.

37. You have more room to store your stuff

38. Your bed doesn't bear a striking resemblance to a coffin

39. You can kick your neighbor's ass and not worry about being "rewarded" a fine (although solitary confinement still sounds better than "out-to-sea" confinement)

40. You don't have to move out of the warden's way when he's walking around.

41. No squeezing in between chairs attached too ridiculously close to the tables; you pull out the chair to sit down for chow.

42. You can read books whenever you want.

43. You don't have to salute the correctional officers.

44. Escaping will never require you to swim in the middle of the ocean.

45. One word: Bail.

46. The plumbing is never in "transit mode".

47. There's only one line for signature on the Damage Control PQS: State the nearest exit.

48. You'll never have to pretend to fight fires every week.

49. You'll never have to "Man the barbed-wire fences".

50. You don't have to stand at the position of attention for hours when the new warden takes over.

51. Your bed is more than three feet away from your cellmate's.

52. Homeless people actually commit crimes so they can get into jail. How many people on your ship claim to have joined the Navy because they were homeless?

53. You'll never have to play "waiter" in the correctional officers' dining facility.

54. You'll never have to "shift uniforms" for any reason whatsoever.

55. The gym is better.

56. The fact that your cell has its own toilet makes it even better than most officer staterooms.

57. Your toilet is available for use 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You don't have to worry about finding out which toilet is the duty toilet.

58. Speaking of toilets, jail has a better man-to-toilet ratio: 2 to 1, as opposed to 20 to 1.

59. They don't announce over the loudspeaker that the warden is entering or leaving the premises.

60. If you're hurt, you get a real doctor.

61. You can hang porn on the walls.

62. If your clock or radio breaks, you don't need to pull out an MRC and verify it against the 43P1 in order to fix it.

63. You won't go to "Warden's Mast" and be rewarded movement to maximum security for not using the MRC to fix something.

64. Hell, you don't do 3M maintenance checks anyway.

65. Chicks dig guys in prison, not Sailors in Norfolk.

66. When you get out, you can use your uniforms to work on your car without breaking any stupid laws.

67. The guys who don't shower will receive some physical "encouragement" without the warden giving a damn.

68. Jail can't give you a bad conduct or dishonorable discharge (i.e., time in jail can't screw you anywhere near as much as the Navy can).

69. You actually have time to pursue a degree in jail.

70. You won't be moved to maximum security if you are caught getting oral sex during a conjugal visit.

71. You'll never have to worry about your name being called over the loudspeaker every fifteen minutes to go muster somewhere.

72. No quarters.

73. You don't clean things that are already clean.

74. You clean because it's dirty, not because it's 0730.

75. The prison staff is well aware of the fact that cleaning everything in a room five hundred times for a three hour duration does not make things any cleaner than taking 15 minutes to cleaning everything once.

76. The walls just go straight down - they don't put ledges and angle irons on the walls for the sole purpose of collecting dust for you to wipe off.

77. Doing a six-month sentence from August to February? At least you won't miss any of the football season.

78. You get more sleep.

79. You don't need an ID card in order to leave the building and go onto the baseball field.

80. The second guy to mess up doesn't get harsher and more severe punishment than the guy who got nothing because he was the first guy to do it.

81. If it's a foggy day, you won't get sent outside to report all of the cars you see driving by.

82. No UNREP. The gasman fills the tanks from the truck himself.

83. The quality of the food doesn't depend on what level of security you are in.

84. You don't have to wake up two hours before your job starts in order to get there on time.

85. You don't need a sticker on your car for your wife to come visit you.

86. The evaluation used for consideration to move you to minimum security is based on actual performance, not relative performance.

87. Being fat doesn't hinder your chances of being moved to minimum security.

88. Even if there is a female [prison guard] present, you can still engage in locker room talk. If she doesn't like it, tough luck for her.

89. There are over 20 well-known FTN websites out there, with the number still rising. How many "FJ" websites have you seen so far?

90. If the power goes out, you won't have to run to the armory and hunt down the guy who shut it off.

91. There's no "training" on stuff that you've been trained on a million freakin' times already, and quite frankly, don't give a damn about.

92. Jails get better funding.

93. Bringing supplies off the truck is the job of the guys who work with those particular supplies only.

94. No one ever tries to blow up jails. And if they do, then it's a good thing because it would be a chance for you to escape anyway.

95. It's safe to open a door when the next one down is open.

96. If your baby is born two months into your six-month sentence, you'll see him or her a few days later.

97. You won't be moved to maximum security if they found out that you had sex with your cellmate's wife.

98. You don't get woken up every five minutes for stupid stuff.

99. The prison guards do colors.

100.While they're raising the flag, you can keep on walking.

101.There are no material condition settings to maintain and keep checking.

Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy When You're at Home

1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication
should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least
three weeks, discarding two of five.

2. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like:
people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul
language like a child uses sugar on cereal.

3. Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the
outside world. Have a neighbor bring you a TIME, NEWSWEEK, or
PROCEEDINGS from five years ago to keep you abreast of current
events.

4. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information
(ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc.)

5. Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people
using the same commode.

6. Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period.

7. Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press
one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.

8. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald
or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep.

9. Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure
that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.

10. Listen to your favorite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play
music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to
your favorite CD.

11. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add
a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a
good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off
the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the
smell of your bunkmate's socks.

12. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of
sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew
bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table so
you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a
custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens,
helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band.

13. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and
wait two weeks before eating them.

14. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for,
or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three
minutes.

15. Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run
around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.

16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a
'black water system' boo-boo.

17. Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the
faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it.
Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in
the bathroom.

18. Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take
an appliance apart and put it back together.

19. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray,
white, or the shade of hospital smocks.

20. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure
one of these two rolls is wet all the time.

21. Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate
collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.

22. When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it
is hard and stale.

23. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the
city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place,
and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many
as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest
possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because
you dress funny and don't speak right.

24. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.

25. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket
for warmth.

26. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides
water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak
trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from
-2 to 95 deg C.

27. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time.

28. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it
or not.

29. Remind yourself every day: 'it's not just a job, IT'S AN ADVENTURE!'

30. Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the de-sal plant on
the ship picking up jp5 in the intake -- if a lit match thrown
into your coffee pot doesn't ignite it, add more kerosene.

31. Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you
know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over
anything pertinent.

32. Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator. Check
the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure
checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER: DO
NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor
as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the
checks because he did not see you perform them.

33. Paint your house gray (exterior) include windows except for rooms you
do not frequent, paint your car gray, paint your driveway a
different shade of gray.

34. Clean your house 'till there's absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere.
Call on a stranger to come inspect your house. Ensure stranger
sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him.
Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your
house/belongings.

Damn man, maybe you need a new job!

Take it as easy as you possibly can.
--Avatar

Hey Sailor
Just remember......

Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or on the sea
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports and skin dive
Study oceanography
Sign up for the big band
Or sit in the grandstand
When your team and others meet

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the mother land
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on people, and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

If you like adventure
Don't you wait to enter
The recruiting office fast
Don't you hesitate
There is no need to wait
They're signing up new seamen fast
Maybe you are too young
To join up today
Bout don't you worry 'bout a thing
For I'm sure there will be
Always a good navy
Protecting the land and sea

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

Who me?

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

But, but, but, I'm afraid of water.
Hey, hey look
Man, I get seasick even watchin' it on TV!

They want you, they want you in the navy

Oh my goodness.
What am I gonna do in a submarine?

They want you, they want you in the navy

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
Come on be bold and make a stand

Caer.....Don't re-up. Rob a bank instead.

Eh, it's not all horrible. I do get paid a lot for the hours I work (most of the time... sometimes it's the other way around). And there are other intangibles that make it seem worthwhile at times. Other times, though, the details (like the ones listed in my posts) really make you hate the navy.

You want to see some disgruntled people, though, try googling "Fun Time Navy."

A similar list -

"HOW TO SIMULATE LIFE IN THE NAVY"

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the
walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it
out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay
$10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to
200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On
Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too
much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a
whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille,
Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the
following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and
read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight,
then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign
On the door that reads "Secured-contact OA division at X-3053."

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's OK for you
to leave your house before 3pm.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up
all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6
months is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family
through the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next
day. You have duty.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home
(i.e., Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc).

15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15
minutes.

16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This
is to ensure your engine is properly "lighted off."

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3
times a day, whether they need it or not. (Now sweepers, start your
brooms, clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all trashcans over the
fantail)

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning
you can get your hands on.

20. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each
pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your
magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

22. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN
and the Weather Channel.

23. Avoid watching TV with the exception of movies which are played in the
middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch
and then show a different one.

24. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

25. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

26. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world
travel."

27. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.

28. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead
bodies of your coworkers.

29. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have
gone to bed.

30. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone,
and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and
order them to man their battle stations. ("General quarters, general
quarters, all hands man your battle stations") 31. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking
the pantry and refrigerator.

32. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you
are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an
hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of
steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't
pay attention to the menu any more so they just ask for hot dogs.

33. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the
oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

34. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway.
Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals.


35. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then tell
them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them to
Disneyland for "weekend liberty." When the end of the 6th week rolls
around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that
they need to get ready for Engineering-certification, and that it will be
another week before they can leave the house.

36. In your grim, gray dumpster (refer to #1), with 200 of your
not-so-closest friend (cite par. 12) regardless of gender, suffer through
PMS!

37. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a
curtain. Have you wife whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you
go to sleep. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble
"Sorry, wrong rack."

38. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your
bathtub, move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make
sure you shut off the water while you soap down.

39. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, find a wobbly rocking chair
and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. have a supply of
stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

40. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

41. For ex-engineering types: leave the lawn mower running in your living
room eight hours a day.

42. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

43. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind
carries the soot onto your neighbors house. Ignore his complaints.

44. Every other month buy green or red marine primer and put it in a paint
sprayer. Spray it over the roof of your house onto your neighbors
car. Ignore his complaints.

45. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

46. Buy a trash compactor, but use it only once a week. Store the garbage
on the other side of your bathtub.

47. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich on stale bread.

48. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night, jump up and
get dressed as fast as you can making sure you button up the top
button on your shirt, stuff you pants into your socks. Run out into the
backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

49. Once a month, take every major appliance apart and put them back
together again.

50. Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table and then get under
it and read books.

51. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back
doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass
through one of them.

52. Every so often, throw the cat in the pool and shout "Man overboard,
starboard side" Then run into the house and sweep all the pots and
dishes off the counter. Yell at the wife and kids for not having the
kitchen "stowed for sea."

53. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in.
Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your
stove. Say ... to no one in particular "Stove manned and ready" Stand
there for three or four hours. And say again to no one in particular
"stove secured." Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a
box.

Syl wrote:53. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in.
Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your
stove. Say ... to no one in particular "Stove manned and ready" Stand
there for three or four hours. And say again to no one in particular
"stove secured." Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a
box.

What the hell?!

No, I do not like my job.

I'm a tax-dodging student just now, but i hated my job when i had it.

Retail sucks.