Kevin's Watch

Who am I?
Am I the soul? If I am the treasure, how do I find myself? There is no map, save the journeys of others, and those journeys are their own, and not mine.
Am I a seeker? Do I seek myself?
Am I the ground the seeker walks on, the arena in which the battle is fought?

I am fear. What happens to the I that is me now, when the battle is ended, and the victor opens the box?

sorry so long away.....I was really enjoying this...
thanks, Jem and Av. Those posts were wonderful.


Reason, it's what I know, that is, I think I know.
It's what is familiar and knowable to me. Me?
It's that point on the circle again, where I think the same things I have thought so many times before.
Always adding something or throwing something away.

Why is it, that something that was so true, at some point may not be true at all?
Why can there never be a conclusion reached that can be finally certain and TRUE?
Or has it been there all along, totally true and totally final,just waiting for its cue to step onstage and announce itself as the real star, who was in disguise all along, and all the characters within knew, they just played along.

The stage manager......why is he allowing this mayhem? Reason demands an explaination!
Passion screams, "We will not take this anymore!"
Yet we go on taking it and asking why all the more.

Someone backstage slips in a note leaving hurriedly so that we cannot catch a clear glimpse of his personage. The note simply says, ..."TRUTH TAKES TIME."

The actors, the actors are waiting for Godot.


The truth called me last wednesday on a lunch break and told me he'd be back in town by february, but could he have my credit card number to process my request? These things, he says, take time.
I've played that game before.
I hung up on the truth, told him to get a job and stop bothering me.

He's no star, he doesn't even make the curtain call.

Rough Night?
Me too.
Rave reviews or rotten tomatoes, Truth doesn't care. Just stands there taking his bows and waiting for your applause, which when I give, is from my deepest heart, and when I withhold, is usually is in despair for want of understanding.

How about a little makeup over here? That is, a little balm for the raw edges that are stinging from
the last act. And clean-up too. Yea, that monologue took a lot outa me.
Hey! Where is everybody?
The show MUST go on.

And go on it will.
Oh yes, it will, whether or not you will it, and whether or not you go on with it.
There is no intermission here, and no breaks in act or scene.

One line flows into the next, and into the next, again and again.
There is no end to this performance, and each character, however interesting,
is temporary.

If I thought there was anyone in the audience, I would tear the theater down around their ears.
I would.......
.... umm....
sorry.
i forgot my line.

tsk tsk tsk.....
Forgotten lines............
Happens. Get caught up in the passion of a scene and the ol brain pumps it out much too fast for the mouth to keep up.
Would you really tear down the theatre around their ears? That would serve them for watching your meltdown as entertainment, wouldn't it?
If you had the power to just think it, maybe move your eyes in the direction of each thing you wanted to have happen, and stand there and watch, totally protected, while you wreaked havoc all around.
Someone once said, "Those who can't hear will feel!"
Yea, well, shall we prick our fingers and make bloodbrothers?

I cannot imagine protection...
I do not have the context....
My passion feels so heavy sometimes, and I cannot breath....
I would end the structure, the performance, not because I have
been hurt, but because others are hurt so often.
Not because I was watched as entertainment,
But because all we do is act.
I could never wreak havoc, for I am havoc.
I do not have to move to end it,
only relax.
I do not bleed to join
I bleed to end.

If the world is a stage........
I don't remember applying for my part.
Are we "acting" or "being"?
I thought I was saying words from my heart,
doing what I thought was best.
Yet what I said and what you heard
Were two different things,
And there you are
Falling.
Bleeding.
My voice inside screams with no words.

All that ya'll have shared in this thread shows me what I am so lacking in that which I write in just one word.

Emotion.

Ah, I feel that you have all inspired (and taught) me...

I've read some eggregiously intense writing by you, Jelerak.
What a deep soul you have.

Thanks Cate...

It is just that you & Jem write so much from the heart, where mine seems like it is so much from the soul. If I could only combine the two.

It is just hard for me to lay my heart open like that on paper, too many past hurts come to mind.

I've just had such a great time with this thread and with my A Simple Poem thread that I'm pleased as punch. It's even better if someone else enjoys it too. But yeah, boy, past hurts. Wow. Know where you're coming from.

I have enjoyed this too, but hey, this isn't the end is it???

I have found that the heart and soul both speak if you just let them.
If you think too much about what you want to say, it is like a hair-do that is too "fixed". You have to just start talking and let it flow. If you need to back up and change something or add to it, that can be done.

Some one like you, Jem, has the talent and ability to pull out of others what they need and want to say. I like discovering the depths of my being with your help. It's sorta like flying through the star-studded cosmos, leaving the body behind for a while and just being spirit.
Sound crazy? Depends on your definition of crazy.
But then....I am a wild and ca-razee gal.

Jel....just let it flow.

Cate / Jem

From what Ihave read from both of you I have renewed inspiration. Places in my heart that have been closed before are now seeming to open before me.

And, no...this does not have to end yet.

Jel, Good. I look forward to a long run.

It feels like mud, this intangeable weariness of soul that must be waded through. MUST. yes. If you don't press on, if you stop for a moment, lethargy tries to take you.
But in wading through, each step brings new strength and hope, as that tiny speck of light that I remember being there a time or two becomes visible again. Wasn't that hope? Isn't it?
It's there. I know it is. I know I said it wasn't, but it is. It is! I'll just close my eyes for a moment and then look again. I'll clear my head and there.......
there. I knew it. I'm not alone after all. You came for me. You said you would. I doubted you.
I regret that, but it feels so good to know I was wrong. You're here. You've been here all along.
Your hand slips easily into mine and we walk.

Chilling...how you put your heart into words...nice.

As I walk through the shadows of despair and remorse,
your call beckons me on, though to hear it makes my blood run cold...
As if all of eternity's pain and suffering waits for me beyond the
shroud of darkness that lies ahead of me in the distance.
Still, I walk on...
My mind screaming defiance to your siren's call, but my heart
rushing me forward into whatever fate awaits me.
The spell that you have placed on my heart wavers not,
but still my mind is free.
And what a curse that is, to know that you walk into the heart of evil,
but cannot alter your fate.
And then I come upon you, your immortal beauty all
that I hoped (and feared) that it would be.
As you open your arms, I rush to your embrace (still the
terror screaming in my mind), though it matters not.
And then the moonlight, those silver rays of despair, catch your smile,
a smile that I will never forget, but ever pray that I will...
And finally, you sink your teeth into my neck, and then I
know that I am forever yours, in body, spirit, soul...
and yes, in mind also,
for you are now my master, and all that I live for
(if only I could ever truly live again)
Eternally...

Come then and live with me.
I was once told that the journey's all it is.
Let us make the trip last and never end.
What will you create for me?
What will you have me sing?
My song of you will be long and sweet, with hills and valleys of crescendoes making your heart swell with pride and joy. making you smile that smile that makes me want to go on forever.

That dark winged ones that stalk us cannot find us here in this enchanted wood. Let us remain for awhile til we have drunk our fill of this sweet wine and gained new strength for the road ahead.
This lovely music must not be wasted.
Shall we dance?

Ah, dance we shall...
But what of the ones that we leave behind?
To go on this journey is to knowingly never
be able to return to that which we know,
that which we are so familiar.
You want me to create for you?
That I will.
You ask me to sing for you?
Oh, the songs that you will hear may entrance you
so that it is you that will never be able to truly be free.
Is that what you want, my love?
Then that shall be.
Come with me, beloved...do not be afraid,
if we are to be together...
then we shall dance together for eternity.

Oh yes, what of the ones we leave behind on our journeys?

They say some people are good for you, and some people are bad for you. But what if one person is good for you, but you are bad for them?

What happens to the ones we leave behind? The friendless, the pained?
Lonely people die on the streets, cold, every night. There is no dance beautiful enough to steal my mind away. Not even my heart, except for brief moments.
There is no happily ever after, and every song ends, just as every story ends.
Ah, the vampires, the vampires, how they bite and how we want them to.
Just imagine, before her fangs pierce your vulnerable neck, if she looked away, and said
"forget it, you're just not my type"
Not all stories have happy endings. What if yours is one of them?

If you live by "what if", you will never live
Life such as it is will be just a shadow
of dreams, desires, hopes
That never had a chance
All because you realized that YOU
Could never help or change
the wrongs and losses and pain
of everyone around you
not even one......

This hurts you so, because
You have such a loving heart
And would make the whole world
A lovely and wonderful place
If only it were in your power.
You would not leave one soul
Unloved, unhappy.

But alas, friend of my heart,
You have only one path to walk
In this path you will find those
Who will give things to you
For which you will be eternally grateful
You are given painful things as well
Which makes the joy sweeter.
There are those in this path
Who will need YOU to give to them.
When you see those in your path
You will know it is YOUR turn to give.
Those not on your path are out of your reach
and all you can do is learn, hurt, and grow
in spite of yourself.

Happy endings?
Sad ones/
They're just part of new beginnings.
But if we take too long entertaining
The "what ifs"
We will never experience
what good things await
whether near or far
on this journey through time.